Time to Cowgirl Up

The girlfriends are headed to Zona today for our annual trip to Big Sal's gorgeous Western home. A couple of us can't go this year but we're there in spirit.

I was reminded of a western expression this morning. While speaking about the economy and the enormous challenges facing our nation, someone said, "It's time for all of us to cowboy up." I immediately thought of the women pictured above. They have "cowgirled up" in big ways.

Some have dealt with illness and death with parents or in-laws. Some have watched the baby leave the nest. Some have carried the worry load over health issues with loved ones while jumping into action. In the two years since this photo was taken, some of our lives have changed dramatically -- in good ways too. There have been business ventures and new grandchildren. Many happy moments with family and friends. These women, and many others I know, choose to soldier on and they usually do it with a ton of class.

Tomorrow is Obama's inauguration and like millions of people, I will watch and listen. I'm sure his speech will be uplifting but he's given enough statements for us to know it will also be filled with warnings of tough times ahead. Frankly, I feel like I've been cowgirling up for a while now. But I will plod ahead. I may put on my cowboy boots, toast my girls in Zona and psyche myself up for a tougher cowgirl attitude.

Missing Halloween

My neighborhood is filled with people similar to us -- empty nesters. Almost all the children of this small circle have grown. In our old house, we used to get oodles of trick-or-treaters. In this house, we usually get one or two.

We used to attend Halloween parties and/or golf outings. I can't count the many costumes I've made or adapted.

I miss Halloween. Maybe this year I'll don a hooded sweatshirt and sit at the kitchen table eating my bag of candy. I'll be Hangdog a/k/a the Unabomber.

Commuter Marriages

The oldies died when they were both 84-years old. If my math is correct, he retired roughly 30 years ago. Although the Belle continued to work for several years, the rest of their time was spent together. Once she took a weekend trip with her sisters but other than that, they did everything together.

If she didn't feel well, he stayed in bed next to her. If she had a hair appointment, he went with her. If she was frying up breakfast, lunch or dinner, he watched. Sometimes she would go into the baby's room to play cards on the computer or listen to music the baby had downloaded for her. Hangdog would follow behind and stretch out on the bed in that room. He had to be near her. Sometimes you could witness a flash of annoyance but for the most part, I think she considered it a compliment.

I, of course, cannot comprehend this. It's sweet to watch but if I were living it, I would have an immediate attack of claustrophobia. (Sometimes I'm obsessed with the clock and counting down the hours until he will leave. It's not lack of love; I just need my own time and space.)

We have reached the stage in life that most of our friends are empty nesters. After the initial shock and reality that your little chickens have actually flown the coop, people start to make decisions. Some travel more. Some decide they didn't really like each other after all and they get divorced. Others (who have the financial means to do so) invest in second and third homes.

I'm both intrigued by the thought and exhausted for those people who manage it.

Last night, the husband and I caught up with a friend for dinner. He wasn't alone because he's single; he's alone because his wife is in their Colorado home. He will join her this weekend. Their Indiana place is home base, probably because he can run his business and it's centrally located. Later, they'll go to their home in Florida. Do I sound jealous? (Maybe I am -- just a wee bit.)

More of my friends are choosing this option. My friend, Big S, spends the majority of the winter in her Arizona home. Her husband flies in every 10 days or so. Another friend spends her winters in Florida and her summers at her lake home. They also have a home in Indianapolis. She and her husband probably spend as much quality time together as the husband and I do.

Which saying is true? "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "Out of sight, out of mind." It's a little Pollyanna but I think it is the first expression.

What Not to Say -- Part Two

This is not as eloquent as the post about military wives. But it does ring in with the "Duh!" factor. Here's some of my list of what not to say to me:

1. Your Dog is a Maniac.
Yes, I know that. I try my best to get her acclimated and when you are in my home, I try my best to keep her out of the way.

2. You drink/smoke/curse too much.Duh!
These are not honorable vices but until you've walked in my shoes, I'll get a little offended.

3. You're not aging well.
No, I'm not. Do you think I don't own a mirror?

4. You're a Saint.
Mother Teresa - yes; Sheri Roman - no.

5. It must be fun to have a rock and roll husband.
Yes and no. It's fun to watch the band perform and I am proud of their accomplishments. But you are not here while he's playing the same refrain OVER and OVER again trying to learn a part. The band takes up huge chunks of time and money. It's his release so I so go forward and enjoy. But sometimes I get a little cranky.

6. You're too thin.
Yes, I am. But I am well within the parameters that my doctor established for me. See number 3. I do own a mirror.

7. You spend too much time on the phone.
This is Hangdog's biggest complaint with me. Yes, I talk to my parents. Yes, I talk to girlfriends. I am also trying to run a business and most of my work is done through phone calls and email. I also seem to talk to him several times every day or in the middle of the night.

8. Don't you miss the children?
This is the ultimate on the "duh" scale. Of course I (we) miss them. The husband and I have spent many nights in a slump because we have an empty nest. We question every decision. Then we remember that it's their turn to make their own decisions.

What are your hot buttons?