Abusive Behavior

I've never been an abused child. As I've told you, my childhood was pretty idyllic. We had our struggles and our arguments but I never felt threatened or abused. Is this no longer the norm?

I've never been physically abused as an adult but I've had some pretty mean things said to me. The experts say verbal abuse is more common and more damaging than physical abuse. This is a weird analogy but in my mind, it's kind of like rape. It's not about the act or the words, it's exerting power over another person. I've never felt threatened and I've never felt powerless. If words are the weapon, I'll sling back.

The Belle could make a snarly face and the occasional jab would come out of her mouth. But, she lived her life treating her husband, children, grandchildren and friends with respect. A raised voice or a "gotcha" comment was not her aspiration. Even in their tired and scary moments, the Captain treated her with respect.

She earned it.

I watch the news and I read multiple papers. Some of the stories turn my stomach. Abused children, abandoned and neglected children, women who live their lives in fear of their partners, women who leave only to be stalked and killed.

I often joke about the husband thinking he's the boss of me. Like all good jokes, there's a grain of truth there. But. I do not ever fear for my safety. I have never worried about him hurting one of the children. I'm pretty sure his latest fantasy is to take a harsher line with the maniac dog. That's probably a worthy goal and he would not harm her.

Power over another person has never been my goal. I have a hard enough time controlling me.

Abuse is pervasive. I'm convinced it gets embedded in your mind and possibly your DNA. When someone breaks the cycle, I'm impressed. When someone chooses a different path, it takes courage and will power. I know a few people who have done this and I admire them.

Battered and Bruised

There's a campaign airing locally that attempts to aid victims of domestic violence. Good concept; wrong approach. These women need another woman to come to their aid. They need a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. They probably need all of them.

I have never been the victim of abuse. I have a sassy mouth that can get me in trouble. I remember one time (many years ago,) the husband said, "I could pummel you if I wanted to." I, stupidly said, "Bring it on." Thank God, he has more sense than I do. We went to our corners and took a breath.

I am regularly battered and bruised. I run into things. My dog is almost my size and she climbs all over me. My girlfriend stopped by yesterday and commented on the bruises on my legs. I was teaching the dog to swim and she pawed me repeatedly. Like a girl scout, these bruises are my little badges.

Be a girl scout. If you know a woman who needs help, be her lifeline. Give her your guest room. Give her the 800# of your local shelter.

This campaign reminded me of what a safe and sheltered life I live.