We Can Still Date

The husband hates cold weather. Winter in Indiana makes him a little nuts. We're not exactly Seattle but the gray skies and the snow and the cold temperatures can really mess with a golf game. So far, we've had a mild winter. It doesn't matter. It's a mindset.

He's in Florida now. It's an annual trip that sounds dreadful to me but they enjoy it. Who plays 36 holes of golf every day for seven days? Who would find that fun? Here's the answer: The husband and 15 of his friends.

It may be my job as a spouse to support his dreams. And I do. I have to find the compromise. He wants a condo here and a second place somewhere warm. Since neither one of us lacks for invitations to warm places, this perplexes me.

Yesterday he reminded me that he would love to have a place in Florida. Super supportive Sheri said, "Great! Gabby and I will drive down occasionally. We'll have a date."

A Different Kind of Date

The husband and I planned to have a dinner date last night. It didn't happen. He was caught up at work and by the time he came home, we got into an endless (and pointless) discussion with the oldies. I'm being kind by using the word "discussion." At 10:00 P.M., I'm lying on the sofa and he asks, "So what's for dinner?" I pointed toward the kitchen and said, "Knock yourself out."

We steal our moments. We go for walks and we definitely meet up with friends on a regular basis. The hardest part about living with the oldies is the lack of privacy. They are completely kind about it but you can't start a discussion without someone walking into the room. They hide out from us; I know they are trying to stay out of the way and that makes me sad. But, I get a little antsy when I can't have a conversation with the husband. Lots of nights, we sit in the garage or spend hours on the patio. Sometimes, we go in my closet. How bizarre is that?

He needed some routine blood work done and we both needed a flu shot. We went this morning. We had car time together and a couple of quick discussions. It wasn't the date I had in mind but in some weird way, it was still fun.

That Thick Head of Yours

Last night, the husband and I ended up on a triple date. It was great fun. Witty conversation, plus catching up on their oldies and our oldies, all of our children and their grandchildren. New jokes were shared and old ones were repeated. They're still funny. People interrupt each other and then feel free to say, "Well, I didn't think you were ever going to stop talking."

I've noticed that several of my friends are starting to refer to their husbands as "Big Daddy."

Well, in the spirit of the moment -- we were talking about childhood things -- I told a story about my mother thumping me on the head. I was a stubborn and saucy child. Occasionally, I could push her to the limits. In that rare instance, she would thump my head and say, "When am I going to get through that thick head of yours?" Not abuse; just trying to get my attention.

Big Daddy was over the moon with this story. He belly laughed. Then, he spent the entire evening pretending to thump me on the head and repeat the mantra. Oh, what have I done? I experienced it in my childhood and now I will face it again at my age. Probably for the rest of my life. Like a dog with a bone, the husband will not let this one go. When we went to bed last night, I tried to grab the remote. He thumped my head and said, "When am I going to get through that thick head of yours?"

I don't think the oldies thump each other on the head but I should recommend it. I might take the cue (because it does get your attention) and start doing my own thumping. Imagine the business meeting... I've made a presentation and everyone is pondering. I could walk around the room, thumping people on their heads and say, "When am I going to get through that thick head of yours?"

I'll either get a lot of new business or I'll go to prison.

Date Night

All of the TV and newspaper therapists seem to recommend date night as a way to stay connected or reconnect with your spouse. The husband and I have never lacked a social life but sometimes we fail to carve out time for just the two of us.

We don't have a standing date night or anything official. Occasionally, he will say, "Let's go out tonight -- just you and me." I swoon.

Sometimes date night doesn't go so well. It's tempting to save up all the family issues/work issues/to do list stuff and dump it on the spouse the moment you have his attention. Trust me ... this does not make for a romantic evening. It's also tempting to try to offer solutions when all the spouse wants to do is vent and feel supported and valued. I'm still learning this lesson. So is the husband.

The oldies don't have Date Night. It would be a little redundant since they never leave each other's side.

Big Daddy and I had a date last night. We laughed. We talked about everything we've experienced. We had a great time bragging to each other about the kids and their accomplishments. We traipsed down memory lane. We spent some of the time discussing a woman he dated before me. I reminded him that on our first "official" date, I told him he could date me or he could date around. He made a choice. He reminded me that he is the best thing that ever happened to me. (He's a little cocky.)

We fell asleep holding hands. Date Night is a good thing.