The Gabby Greeting

I am often reprimanded for my inability to control my dog. I'm learning to keep my mouth shut and let the husband have his say. He doesn't realize it but we're actually a good mix when it comes to training her. He would prefer a robotic, brain-washed dog. If he weren't around, I'm afraid I would become even more lax. I find humor and fun in her maniacal personality. Plus, as we know, I will never be her Alpha Leader. I am a litter mate.

Gabby's preferred greeting with me (I can be gone 30 seconds or 8 days) is to plant both front paws on me and shove hard. As I'm reeling, she jumps all over me. Usually, this sends the husband over the edge. While I'm quietly saying, "No Baby, paws on the ground," he's using the firm voice and giving me the evil eye.

Yesterday, I said to him, "You need to chill a little bit. She's just happy to see me."

So last night he came home, planted both hands on my shoulders and shoved me. (Not hard but I did reel back a bit.) I said, "What in the **** are you doing?'

He said, "I'm just happy to see you."

The Not-So-Suble Digs

They are living in my home! Every day, I get a couple of digs. Sometimes they're directed at me and other times they're directed at the husband. They include:

• The husband doesn't spend enough time with his "daddy." (Feel free to barf at will.)
• You both go through a lot of wine. "We just don't drink very much." Well, guess what, you would if you were in our situation!
• "I'm just glad to see you eat." The digs about my weight are constant.
• "Did he go to the club?" "Does it bother you that he's never home?" Well, no, it doesn't bother me. He has his interests and I have mine. Our marriage is fine. Although we're not joined at the hip 24/7, we prefer it that way.
• "We're really not dog people."

Okay, fine. Live somewhere without a dog. My dog is a maniac and I spend an endless amount of energy to keep her out of their way. She's not well trained; she's a puppy. Oprah has a dog trainer on today so I must TIVO it. In my opinion, the dog has as many rights as they do.