Grandma Got Run Over by a Narcotic

There are certain Christmas songs I love and others I loathe.

I don't like:

The Twelve Days of Christmas -- Don't like the birds.
The Little Drummer Boy -- All that "Rump a Pump Pump" gives me a headache.
All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
That Alvin song with the rodents
Any song where the artist tries to hip hop or jazz up a traditional hymn.

I especially dislike "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer." But I've found a way to make it tolerable. I've written new lyrics that I sing in my mind.

Grandma got run over by a narcotic, while she was being kicked out the door.
Grandpa took one or more too. We could hardly get him up off the floor.

Feel free to sing along.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
They're in Texas and as for me and my house, we believe.

If the Shoe Was On the Other Foot

I'm a voyeur. I watch the oldies with a mix of admiration and fright. I ask too many questions. I track how they're feeling and I try to pay attention to the medication trends. (No one is allowed to touch their medications.)

I watch her tend to his every need. I watch her fry food, do his laundry, make sure the coffe is hot and plentiful, etc. He's very polite but it's also expected.

Maybe that's how she willed her way out of her bout with cancer. She knows no one would take care of him in the custom that he has come to expect. She barks at him but she's the only one who is allowed to get crabby with him. She becomes an armed guard if anyone even tries. She's a little (but mighty) watchdog and he is her territory.

I'm just tracking along behind her, picking up the pieces and making notes about what I will not do when it's my turn.