Big Hair Jobs

I can make my hair look like this. In fact, it probably looks like hers right now. Plus, I"m pretty sure this job is in my future.

Phone calls from my temp agency cause two immediate feelings: happiness and dread. I prefer working and get a little excited at the possibility of making my car payment or having the money to get my roots done. (It all comes back to hair!) But I also have learned to live with the feeling of dread. Companies don't use employment/temporary agencies to fill jobs that I am interested in or qualified for. Especially in this economy.

Happiness and dread go hand in hand in lots of situations. But let's not go there.

"The trouble with unemployment is that you wake up in the morning and you're on the job."
Slappy White

Bye Bye Babies

My assignment with the 12-year olds at the not-for-profit agency is over. They make assignments based on upcoming events and for me to continue I would have to commit to a 6-week period. I can't do it. Maybe I'll be sorry but I think not. It does not give me any time to pursue employment that I am actually able and willing to do.

So, it's back to the temp agency for my next assignment. There's no guarantee that they'll have one. If they do, there's no guarantee it will be any better than this one although I did ask them to refrain from telephone sales. We shall see.

I might even miss some of my little (and big) coworkers for a minute. At least I have my coffee mug for a souvenir.

"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent."
Jean Kerr

Wasn't He Famous Once?

More snippets from the land of Temp Hell ...

First of all, there have been no more prizes since the day I blew everyone else away. I have continued to sit in my stall like a veal and work like a dog but alas, no prizes! Those of you vying for the coffee mug might have to wait until next week. I need to keep my current one handy as a possible weapon.

When my little herd was hired to join the team, there were four of us who went through training (and I use that word lightly) at the same time. Of the four, Danny (not his real name but close to it) was born to be a pep squad leader. I found him annoying but chalked him up as someone who would be great at sales. Instead, Danny did not make a single sale on the first day we worked and then he never returned. I guess he was banished to the temp afterlife.

Jimmy (also roughly 12-years old) was very nervous. Once we were assigned to our stalls -- I leapt over someone to get the one in the corner -- Jimmy chose the one next to me. We can all hear each other and Jimmy used to give himself little pep talks before he picked up the phone.

"Be the man! You can close it!"

Jimmy lasted a day and a half. He made one sale and left after lunch on the second day.

Cindy (I chose this name because she has a slight speech impediment like Cindy on the Brady Bunch) is still with us. She is a single mother. She's very friendly and curious. When someone mentioned the Jerry Lewis telethon, she actually said:

"I know he was famous for something. Was he an actor?"

Cindy also asked me about my family. I was slightly evasive and just said our children are grown. Then, as if I didn't already feel older than dirt, she asked me how many grandchildren I have.

I'll have to fill you in on the rest of the herd later. Off to my stall I go, ready to defend myself in the parking lot and ready to close that sale!

"Never get into fights with ugly people. They have nothing to lose."
Unknown

Getting to Know You Games

As you might imagine, I loathe "getting to know you" games. Except for narcissists and natural-born cheerleaders, they make people uncomfortable. In a semi-social situation like a bridal shower, they're ridiculous. Face it. At a bridal shower, everyone is already miserable except the bride-to-be and now we're going to add insult to injury by making everyone stand up and talk about themselves.

In most social situations I have found that adults are quite capable of introducing themselves and starting a conversation. No organized game required.

Someone at my little temp job did not get this memo. They thought it would be super fun for all of us to fill out a little survey, then stand up and read our answers. (My brain is calculating the time and expenses associated with this exercise. Someone actually typed it. Hmmm. Guess some people need a document to remind them what their favorite color might be. Then it was printed, wasting time, paper, toner, etc. Then we all took time away from the phone -- silly me! I thought that's what we're getting paid to do -- to stand up and recite our boring answers.

I'll spare you the entire survey but it was filled with thought-provoking questions like:

Your favorite color?
Your favorite coffee drink?
Your favorite place to vacation?
Your favorite candy?
Your favorite store?

I told the truth on some of them and lied on others just to cement my position as a weirdo. For instance, I said my favorite color is puce. Guess what store was everyone's favorite? Yep. The Walmart.

My favorite was the coffee question. A couple of people had some convoluted concoction like triple mocha latte cappuccino with sugar-free vanilla and extra foam. I am the only person who said, "black coffee." The majority answered that they do not drink coffee. Except ... there's this weird combination of defiance and pride. "I DO NOT DRINK COFFEE!" was said with serious attitude. This was usually said by someone slurping on a Big Gulp.

Must run and see what games are in store for today. I found this great caricature and it represents my coworker who is going to roll me in the parking lot. She looks just like this except ... she doesn't drink coffee!

"What you have when everyone wears the same play clothes for an occasion, is addressed by a nickname, expected to participate in Show & Tell, and bullied out of any desire for privacy is not a democracy; it is kindergarten."
Miss Manners (Judith Martin)

Overachievers Anonymous

More tales from the temp job ...

I am in serious need of a 12-step program and it's not for alcohol, drugs or overeating. Nope. I am an overachiever even when I would rather not be. I am well trained from my childhood to give everything my best shot.

At my little kindergarten job, we have daily contests. Sometimes it is the number of "sales/commitments" you complete. Other days it might be referrals or something else. I want to scream, "I am just here to do a job -- I do not want to participate in these insulting and ridiculous activities!" But, I don't. I go about my business, stay on the phone, and keep my head down in my little stall, trying to remain incognito.

For two days in a row, I have won the daily contest. Monday I won a coffee mug. (Don't you get jealous now!) Yesterday, I completed the most sales anyone has ever done on one day. This resulted in the director doing some kind of fat girl cheer. Other people in my position pretended to clap along but they're not fooling me. One of them says my name in a very snarly tone. I am convinced she's going to jump me in the parking lot. ("Jump" might be a stretch -- she is also a rather large woman/child.)

My prize for yesterday's contest is .... drumroll .... I get to wear jeans to work today. This is a reward concept I have never grasped. But, I am a team player so I am wearing my good black jeans.

"I've tried relaxing, but -- I don't know -- I feel more comfortable tense."
Hamilton

Temporary Insanity

As I continue to pursue full-time employment in my field (along with nine million other people,) I have been working for a temporary agency to help make ends meet.

Ok, that's a joke. The ends are not meeting. They don't even reside in the same hemisphere. But, I figure every little bit helps.

I have taken on a few assignments -- each a little more humiliating than the last. I'm currently working for a non-profit agency, soliciting business people to participate in a fund-raising event. The job is fine. I am of the mindset that if you give me a job, I will do it to the best of my ability. Apparently this is not the norm. This particular office acts as if none of us can read, write, etc. We have little games and contests to win ridiculous prizes that I immediately throw away.

I'm excited to give you a glimpse of this world but I must run off to the "office" to work and see what activities are in store for today.

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something."
Jackie Mason