Mr. Pam Needs a Grocery Gift Certificate

Do you remember Pat on Saturday Night Live? Is it a man or a woman? Does he/she have a life?

In my childhood neighborhood, we had this girl who was that androgynous type. Maybe asexual is a better word. We knew she was female because her name was Pam. She lived with her parents through childhood and adulthood. At some point, my father started referring to her as "Mr. Pam" and unfortunately it caught on.

Once again, I am trying to watch Jeopardy and there is an interruption. My father is speaking to the dogs as if I were not in the room:

"Mr. Pam is eating again -- Stay out of her way."

"Married -- Divorced; Married -- Divorced -- Mr. Pam can't make up her mind."

"No Christmas presents for the doggies -- Mr. Pam is eating us out of house and home."

As if I needed another nickname, I have now become the neighborhood's new Mr. Pam. We have laughed ourselves stupid over it.

Gift Cards

I used to be kind of a snob about gift cards. In my mind, it meant that I wasn't willing to take the time and thought to buy a personal gift. I have been converted.

There is not a person in my world who needs another posession. They certainly don't need me picking out a knick knack for them to stash and probably sell later on eBay. Yes, my parents have been giving me a book store gift card for years. It's my favorite! I have a book fetish and I want to pick them out myself. I have a Target problem and it's oh so fun to have a gift card and get to discover the treasures for myself. Maybe I want shoes or maybe I just want to stock up on toilet paper.

The oldies love the warehouse stores. They also love the bakery around the corner. For his upcoming birthday, I may get a gift card and he can fall into the beloved sugar coma.

Last Christmas, the daughter gave me a gift card for a massage. It was truly one of the best gifts I've received in years.

It's really fun when you stumble on something that's a perfect fit for a person in your life. It's not fun when you're racking your brain and scrambling for a gift when they would probably prefer to pick something out themselves.

I know it's crass that everyone knows what you spent. I've moved on. Unless something jumps out at me, I'm declaring the upcoming holiday season, "The Year of the Gift Card."

Ten dollars goes a long way in that $1 section at Target.