Marital Strife

The Belle told me that the sex organs are the last ones to go. I tried to wipe that image out of my head.

On the "Today Show" the other morning, they featured two couples. Both had written books and both had to do with their sex lives. One couple chronicled their experiment to recommit to their sex life over 101 days. The other couple vowed to have sex every day for 30 days. Maybe you have to understand my sense of humor but I found this intriguing and hysterically funny.

Marital issues usually come down to:

Money
Children
Exes, if you have them
Parents
Household chores
Sex

We don't fight about household chores. I do as many as I can stand. My dad pitches in with projects. Houseboy does the bulk of it. I've never mowed a lawn in my life and I plan to keep it that way. I'm pretty good at weed pulling.

We don't fight about sex either. We prefer to annihilate each other over more mundane things.

Then, it's the middle of the night and your legs are intertwined. Or, you decide to clean your wedding ring and you read the inscription inside for the millionth time. Or, you dance on the patio and fight about who gets to lead.

Or, you go to a wedding and hold hands and then say quietly to each other, (like you're speaking to the bride and groom,) "Don't do it!" This cracks us up.

Forget that list above. I'm convinced a sense of humor will see you through.

She Blowed Up

My limited history in community theater has paid off. I know how to take a cue.

Sometimes the husband and I watch television together. Some actress or celebrity from our younger days will be on The Today Show or Larry King Live. For whatever reason, he lets me have the punch line:

He says, "What happened to her?"
I steal his line and say, "She blowed up."

Our plumbimg and a couple of appliances are acting strange. Our coffee maker died. The husband asked me about it. You guessed it, my only answer is "She blowed up."

Hangdog and I did not have a pleasant visit today. His expectations are unreasonable and his demands are exhausting. (I wanted to run like the wind.) I kept my tongue and emotions in check but then I got to my car. She (me) blowed up.

Eavesdropping

Yep, I'm in my little office and the oldies are in the kitchen having their breakfast. The Today Show is on in both rooms. On the television, someone is skating on the Rockefeller Center rink. I just heard the mother-in-law say, "I wish I could skate like that."

Hello! You're still bouncing off walls. By the way, this is not a creative expression. It is an entirely accurate and scary description.

The oldies are supposed to see the doctor today and the husband is coming home mid-day to take them. She doesn't want to go. There was some discussion/disagreement this morning about whether or not she will go. I left the room thinking, Leave Me Out of It. Now I heard her say to her husband, "I know Sheri talked to the doctor but he hasn't called ME. That's not my kind of doctor."

Hello! You went three days without the ability to put together a coherent sentence. I have talked to the doctor. The husband has talked to the doctor repeatedly.

If I had to make a bet, I'd say the odds are 50-50. The husband can be pretty forceful but she can dig in her heels with the best of them.

She'll get over being miffed with the doctor; she adores him.

I'm skating a line here too. I try to balance honesty with humane treatment. There is no reason to tell her every detail of the last few days because she would only be hurt and humiliated. On the other hand, her irrational irritation with the doctor (or the husband) makes me want to sit her down and give her the blow-by-blow.

I know why she's avoiding the doctor. She's afraid he'll want to admit her into the hospital. I should go in her place. I could ask to be committed to a mental hospital. Instead, I'll stick it out. I don't think they'd let me take the husband or my dog.

Adventuresome People

There must be a certain gene that makes people look at physical challenges with a gleam in their eyes. I missed that gene. I'm a 'fraidy cat. Scientists will probably discover a vaccine for it but I'm guessing it won't be in my lifetime. I wouldn't take it anyway -- I prefer to watch.

Ann Curry (The Today Show) has been broadcasting from Antarctica this week. It took approximately 10 or so tries for her to be able to go to the South Pole. Weather can change in a nanosecond and planes cannot land. She made it yesterday. She is earthy and beautiful, regardless of the situation. She looks good in a war zone or in a parka when it's 50 degrees below zero. I've never cared for her interview style -- she's a little too gushy for me -- but I sure do admire her spirit. I've watched her handle every assignment, from bungee jumping to sky diving, from flying faster than the speed of sound to whatever is thrown at her next. As someone said this morning, "If they offered to send her to the moon, she would go." I'm always incredulous at her willingness to do whatever.

I remind myself that the father-in-law was a pilot in WWII and he was shot down. He wasn't doing it for the thrill -- he did it for our country.

My biggest physical challenge is walking a dog who is stronger than I. I prefer the mental challenges.

Some things, like climbing Mt. Everest, seem absurd to me. Then I get a little perturbed when my tax dollars are used to send the rescue teams out.

My life is already an adventure without seeking additional thrills.

Voting

I take voting very seriously. Probably because I think everyone needs to know my opinion.

When I was in journalism school, they strongly suggested a double major so I did it. I chose political science. (They forgot to tell us that most of the countries we were studying would change names, boundaries, politics, leadership, etc.) Still, I loved it and it fueled my passion.

I read the editorials and I watch the debates. I read the blogs. Political discussions make some people nervous. Not me! As long as everyone is respectful, I love them. I usually learn a ton.

During the past season of "American Idol," the media pundits kept quoting the number of votes. I was very disturbed that more people voted for the next American Idol than voted in the last election. Maybe people are just lazy. You can vote on American Idol by picking up the phone or sending a text message. Our government could learn a lesson there. I didn't watch it every week but when I watched, I voted.

This is the time of year when The Today Show throws a wedding. You get to vote on everything from the chosen couple to the cake to the wedding attire. This morning, there was a promo about it and the husband jokingly said, "Oh shoot, I forgot to vote."

Not me. I voted for couple #2.