I am married to a man with a forceful personality. I know I did this on purpose. Doormats and wishy-washy people tend to bore me. Smart and provocative folks inspire me.
You're welcome to remind me of this the next time I want to shoot the husband or I'm complaining because someone hurt my feelings.
My life is filled with fierce personalities. A mother who defines strong. A father who uses his quiet strength in his own way. (He can still shut me up with a look.) Friends who have weathered storms and shown me the way to survive. Friends who get in your face when they have something important to say. Aunts and uncles and cousins who led me and love me.
I think of the Belle and the Captain every day. I still expect them to meander in the kitchen and fry something up. They were two of the strongest personalities I've ever known. Well, she was. He tried but he was no match for her.
The daughter is a little (she's tiny) whirlwind. "Forceful" doesn't do her justice. The baby reminds me of my father. He may be quiet. He may not say everything on his mind.
All it takes is a look.
Showing posts with label Type A personalities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Type A personalities. Show all posts
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Thursday, November 22, 2007
The Christmas Card
I am a card addict. Although I mess up, I try to remember birthdays and anniversaries. It's fun and people seem to appreciate it. It's always kind of jarring when someone says to me, "Yours was the only birthday card I received."
The oldies love to go to the mailbox. I hate them sorting through my mail but I let it go. It's all junk and bills. I like the mailbox around my birthday (Yeah! Cards for me!) and the holidays.
Lots of people have given up sending Christmas cards due to the hassle, postage costs, etc. Not us! This is my favorite ritual of the holidays and I have every holiday card received for the last 10 years, at least. Many years ago, the husband and I decided to venture away from Hallmark and do an original card for the holidays. We're marketing people -- easy enough!
We forgot a few things. We forgot that we're both Type A and think we can out-concept each other. We still forget that shooting for the perfect photo is like the proverbial needle in a haystack.
He forgets that I hand address every card and at last count, we send out at least 350 of them. (You have to die or be put on the Roman Do Not Mail List to fall off of our holiday card list.) He forgets that it must be printed and some years, art directed. (We know people.)
I love coming up with the concept. I love the debate while he puts his spin on it and we have to defend our own ideas. I love it that he cares about this.
One year, we were not in a good place in our marriage. We had a beautiful card and I struggled with whether or not to send it. In the end, we decided it represented the best of us. Plus, we wanted to extend joyous wishes. By the time those cards hit the mailbox, we were healing.
Don't tell me Christmas cards aren't important.
The oldies love to go to the mailbox. I hate them sorting through my mail but I let it go. It's all junk and bills. I like the mailbox around my birthday (Yeah! Cards for me!) and the holidays.
Lots of people have given up sending Christmas cards due to the hassle, postage costs, etc. Not us! This is my favorite ritual of the holidays and I have every holiday card received for the last 10 years, at least. Many years ago, the husband and I decided to venture away from Hallmark and do an original card for the holidays. We're marketing people -- easy enough!
We forgot a few things. We forgot that we're both Type A and think we can out-concept each other. We still forget that shooting for the perfect photo is like the proverbial needle in a haystack.
He forgets that I hand address every card and at last count, we send out at least 350 of them. (You have to die or be put on the Roman Do Not Mail List to fall off of our holiday card list.) He forgets that it must be printed and some years, art directed. (We know people.)
I love coming up with the concept. I love the debate while he puts his spin on it and we have to defend our own ideas. I love it that he cares about this.
One year, we were not in a good place in our marriage. We had a beautiful card and I struggled with whether or not to send it. In the end, we decided it represented the best of us. Plus, we wanted to extend joyous wishes. By the time those cards hit the mailbox, we were healing.
Don't tell me Christmas cards aren't important.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Having a History
When the husband and I were dating, he said three things that really struck a chord with me. Two were the obvious, "I love you" and later, "Will you marry me?" The one that really got me early on was, "I can't wait until we have a history together." It implied long term. It suggested a future and an appreciation for making memories.
He got his wish. We have a history together. Boy, do we ever!
We have his history, including childhood and previous relationships. We have my history, also including childhood and relationships. We have two children who were not born of this union but in many ways are a product of this union. We have friends -- some he brought to the mix, some I brought to the mix, some we have met through our years together.
We have the oldies. (I'll bet that wasn't part of his making memories plan.)
Photos and (especially) music allow us to say, "Remember this?" Even articles of clothing can remind us of a special occasion.
We have rituals. Some are holiday traditions; others are just things we do, like the crossword. We have signals. Sometimes they're subtle like a raised eyebrow or a hand on the thigh. Others get a little more to the point. And a little louder.
The ability to judge someone's mood or pick the time for a tough conversation is a dance that's perfected over time. Knowing a spouse's hot buttons and choosing not to push them is a dance I'm still learning.
Smart people know if they're jumping into a feather bed or jumping into a volcano. Some of us just jump in.
For some people, having a history means comfort and complacence. I admit that our life together involves some of that. But, we're a little too high strung. Peaks and valleys.
Even in the valleys, I will sing along at the piano. Or, I will curl up and watch TV for a while. During the valleys, we tend to watch a lot of Court TV shows where one spouse tried to get away with killing the other.
He got his wish. We have a history together. Boy, do we ever!
We have his history, including childhood and previous relationships. We have my history, also including childhood and relationships. We have two children who were not born of this union but in many ways are a product of this union. We have friends -- some he brought to the mix, some I brought to the mix, some we have met through our years together.
We have the oldies. (I'll bet that wasn't part of his making memories plan.)
Photos and (especially) music allow us to say, "Remember this?" Even articles of clothing can remind us of a special occasion.
We have rituals. Some are holiday traditions; others are just things we do, like the crossword. We have signals. Sometimes they're subtle like a raised eyebrow or a hand on the thigh. Others get a little more to the point. And a little louder.
The ability to judge someone's mood or pick the time for a tough conversation is a dance that's perfected over time. Knowing a spouse's hot buttons and choosing not to push them is a dance I'm still learning.
Smart people know if they're jumping into a feather bed or jumping into a volcano. Some of us just jump in.
For some people, having a history means comfort and complacence. I admit that our life together involves some of that. But, we're a little too high strung. Peaks and valleys.
Even in the valleys, I will sing along at the piano. Or, I will curl up and watch TV for a while. During the valleys, we tend to watch a lot of Court TV shows where one spouse tried to get away with killing the other.
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