For the first time in at least 18 years, I will not be celebrating Christmas in my usual fashion. I will not be organizing a family photo, addressing and mailing hundreds of cards, decorating every room, trimming a live tree or hosting any parties. I will not be buying gifts and wrapping for hours. (Ok, I might buy the dog a new toy.) I will not be coordinating schedules to accommodate other people. I enjoy doing most of these things but this is not the year for it.
I am not skipping Christmas. I'm already listening to holiday music. I will help my oldies trim a small tree. I will keep my mother and sister company while they do their annual candy making. I will help my mother prepare a holiday meal. I will enjoy the children's Christmas show and the choir's cantata at church.
Tradition and rituals are important to me. This will be my first Christmas making some new ones.
Showing posts with label traditions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label traditions. Show all posts
Monday, December 1, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
A Minister's Wife
I have been privileged to know many wives of ministers. I realize that women can also be ministers but in my life experience, most of my ministers have been men.
Minister's wife looks a lot like the role of First Lady. No pay but a lot of work.
The chances of me in the position of minister's wife are slim and none. (And Slim left town.)
My aunt was a Methodist minister's wife for several decades. She managed to support her husband and the interests of his many congregations while keeping her own interests, opinions and career goals. Oh, somewhere in the middle she birthed and raised four children. When she married this man, he was a successful salesman. The calling to the ministry came later. She didn't sign up for it but like most successful people, she adapted and did it with aplomb. Now, he has passed away. She continues to support her church, his charities and interests. She does it her way.
Many, many years ago, I was in college and they were visiting my parents. I was in a phase where I liked to ask provocative questions. (I've never really outgrown that stage.) She answered my questions but she prefaced her response with, "My answers may surprise you." She was not afraid to have an opinion.
My cousin (in-law) was our angel during the funeral/travel arrangements for the Belle. The husband refers to her as his honorary sister. She is a minister's wife. She is also a mother and works full-time. While she is extremely supportive of her husband, she does not hesitate to exert her influence or share her opinion.
Women like this take traditional roles and break the mold. They show the rest of us how to do it with dignity. I'm taking notes.
Minister's wife looks a lot like the role of First Lady. No pay but a lot of work.
The chances of me in the position of minister's wife are slim and none. (And Slim left town.)
My aunt was a Methodist minister's wife for several decades. She managed to support her husband and the interests of his many congregations while keeping her own interests, opinions and career goals. Oh, somewhere in the middle she birthed and raised four children. When she married this man, he was a successful salesman. The calling to the ministry came later. She didn't sign up for it but like most successful people, she adapted and did it with aplomb. Now, he has passed away. She continues to support her church, his charities and interests. She does it her way.
Many, many years ago, I was in college and they were visiting my parents. I was in a phase where I liked to ask provocative questions. (I've never really outgrown that stage.) She answered my questions but she prefaced her response with, "My answers may surprise you." She was not afraid to have an opinion.
My cousin (in-law) was our angel during the funeral/travel arrangements for the Belle. The husband refers to her as his honorary sister. She is a minister's wife. She is also a mother and works full-time. While she is extremely supportive of her husband, she does not hesitate to exert her influence or share her opinion.
Women like this take traditional roles and break the mold. They show the rest of us how to do it with dignity. I'm taking notes.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
The Ant Song
I have no idea how this tradition started (or why) but a jillion years ago when I was about 12 or 13-years old, my girlfriends (the Golden Girls) and I used to sing it to each other in a crisis.
A crisis at age 13 is usually being rebuffed by a boy, getting a bad grade, having a pimple, someone being mean to you. It doesn't matter; it's still a crisis. During those times, having a girlfriend sing it could make you smile, make you feel loved and change your day.
You know the rest.
This morning I received an email. The gist of it was: I need the ant song.
So, I called and sang it to her. I don't know if she feels any better but I definitely do.
The song title is actually, High Hopes but in our world it's The Ant Song. We're alllowed to request it from each other at any time. It's also mandatory anytime we all get together.
A crisis at age 13 is usually being rebuffed by a boy, getting a bad grade, having a pimple, someone being mean to you. It doesn't matter; it's still a crisis. During those times, having a girlfriend sing it could make you smile, make you feel loved and change your day.
Just what makes that little ol' ant think he can move that rubber tree plant?
Everyone knows an ant can't move a rubber tree plant.
But, he's got high hopes.
When you're feeling low, 'stead of letting go, just remember that ant.
You know the rest.
This morning I received an email. The gist of it was: I need the ant song.
So, I called and sang it to her. I don't know if she feels any better but I definitely do.
The song title is actually, High Hopes but in our world it's The Ant Song. We're alllowed to request it from each other at any time. It's also mandatory anytime we all get together.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Having a History
When the husband and I were dating, he said three things that really struck a chord with me. Two were the obvious, "I love you" and later, "Will you marry me?" The one that really got me early on was, "I can't wait until we have a history together." It implied long term. It suggested a future and an appreciation for making memories.
He got his wish. We have a history together. Boy, do we ever!
We have his history, including childhood and previous relationships. We have my history, also including childhood and relationships. We have two children who were not born of this union but in many ways are a product of this union. We have friends -- some he brought to the mix, some I brought to the mix, some we have met through our years together.
We have the oldies. (I'll bet that wasn't part of his making memories plan.)
Photos and (especially) music allow us to say, "Remember this?" Even articles of clothing can remind us of a special occasion.
We have rituals. Some are holiday traditions; others are just things we do, like the crossword. We have signals. Sometimes they're subtle like a raised eyebrow or a hand on the thigh. Others get a little more to the point. And a little louder.
The ability to judge someone's mood or pick the time for a tough conversation is a dance that's perfected over time. Knowing a spouse's hot buttons and choosing not to push them is a dance I'm still learning.
Smart people know if they're jumping into a feather bed or jumping into a volcano. Some of us just jump in.
For some people, having a history means comfort and complacence. I admit that our life together involves some of that. But, we're a little too high strung. Peaks and valleys.
Even in the valleys, I will sing along at the piano. Or, I will curl up and watch TV for a while. During the valleys, we tend to watch a lot of Court TV shows where one spouse tried to get away with killing the other.
He got his wish. We have a history together. Boy, do we ever!
We have his history, including childhood and previous relationships. We have my history, also including childhood and relationships. We have two children who were not born of this union but in many ways are a product of this union. We have friends -- some he brought to the mix, some I brought to the mix, some we have met through our years together.
We have the oldies. (I'll bet that wasn't part of his making memories plan.)
Photos and (especially) music allow us to say, "Remember this?" Even articles of clothing can remind us of a special occasion.
We have rituals. Some are holiday traditions; others are just things we do, like the crossword. We have signals. Sometimes they're subtle like a raised eyebrow or a hand on the thigh. Others get a little more to the point. And a little louder.
The ability to judge someone's mood or pick the time for a tough conversation is a dance that's perfected over time. Knowing a spouse's hot buttons and choosing not to push them is a dance I'm still learning.
Smart people know if they're jumping into a feather bed or jumping into a volcano. Some of us just jump in.
For some people, having a history means comfort and complacence. I admit that our life together involves some of that. But, we're a little too high strung. Peaks and valleys.
Even in the valleys, I will sing along at the piano. Or, I will curl up and watch TV for a while. During the valleys, we tend to watch a lot of Court TV shows where one spouse tried to get away with killing the other.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
28 Pounds
Although I am an only child, I have a pseudo sister.
When I was twelve years old, a new family moved in across the street. I offered my services as a babysitter for their two-year old daughter and infant son. I was a safe option, with my parents right across the street. I babysat for them a lot. They also spent a lot of time with my parents. When my dad would come home from work, the daughter would stand on the sidewalk and scream across the street, "Paulie, I weigh 28 pounds."
My mother went through a tough time when I headed off to college. Luckily, my sister was there. She helped decorate the Christmas tree and she hung out. She loved (and still loves) hanging out in the kitchen with my mother.
When she was a teenager, we grilled her about everything. Boys, school, sex, politics, etc. I would've run away screaming but she put up with us.
She was in a horrible car accident in her late teens -- we honestly didn't know if she would survive. My mother went to the hospital and later the rehab place every day. No one (with the possible exception of her parents) prayed harder than my mother. She survived and thrived.
Today, she's married and the mother of three. She and my mother have lots of rituals and traditions that have nothing to do with me. They have standing dates for certain tv shows. She and my mother make all of the Christmas candy. They regularly go for gas station cappuccinos. I find it amusing that they have so much in common because none of this interests me. They invite me sometimes. I decline.
I pulled her aside once and said, "Please don't ever hurt my parents." I now realize how dumb that was. They're her parents too. She's my sister.
When I was twelve years old, a new family moved in across the street. I offered my services as a babysitter for their two-year old daughter and infant son. I was a safe option, with my parents right across the street. I babysat for them a lot. They also spent a lot of time with my parents. When my dad would come home from work, the daughter would stand on the sidewalk and scream across the street, "Paulie, I weigh 28 pounds."
My mother went through a tough time when I headed off to college. Luckily, my sister was there. She helped decorate the Christmas tree and she hung out. She loved (and still loves) hanging out in the kitchen with my mother.
When she was a teenager, we grilled her about everything. Boys, school, sex, politics, etc. I would've run away screaming but she put up with us.
She was in a horrible car accident in her late teens -- we honestly didn't know if she would survive. My mother went to the hospital and later the rehab place every day. No one (with the possible exception of her parents) prayed harder than my mother. She survived and thrived.
Today, she's married and the mother of three. She and my mother have lots of rituals and traditions that have nothing to do with me. They have standing dates for certain tv shows. She and my mother make all of the Christmas candy. They regularly go for gas station cappuccinos. I find it amusing that they have so much in common because none of this interests me. They invite me sometimes. I decline.
I pulled her aside once and said, "Please don't ever hurt my parents." I now realize how dumb that was. They're her parents too. She's my sister.
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