And Yet, She Annoys Me

I try to be a faithful and dutiful daughter. I would gnaw off my arm for any person I love. That includes parents, children and friends.

What is it with mothers and daughters?

How can I spend an entire day anticipating time with my parents and then within 30 seconds, I want to strangle her with my bare hands? (Just maim her.) It takes less than five seconds for her to make a critical comment. In the next second, I begin making faces and rolling my eyes.

We spent the evening together Saturday night. I had the water mister out so the dog would behave. My mother spritzed the dog because she had the nerve to look at her.

My dad plays referee. He says things like, "Well, here we go. Fasten your seat belts, this should be fun."

Thankfully, my pseudo sister was here too. She's a great diversion, a good card player and she makes me laugh.

My mother only birthed one child. She repeatedly called me by my sister's name.

Screw Your Neighbor

I made the mistake of saying to the oldies, "We're going out to play Screw Your Neighbor." With the look on her face, I quickly explained that Screw Your Neighbor is a card game, not a lifestyle.

One of our favorite holiday parties started from our ladies euchre group. We decided to include the husbands -- only once a year. And we decided to play Screw Your Neighbor.

It's an extremely simple game. You only get one card and the King is the top card. You can't sit next to your spouse because people start to get testy, but in a fun way. Through process of elimination, the last person is the winner and they get some money. We sing a little song to the person who is eliminated. (The slight downside of winning is the responsibility to plan the party for next year but it's not that tough. We always go to the same place and the menu falls together easily.)

This is the most relaxing party of the season. There is no pressure to socialize with employees or coworkers. No one is trying to make a business deal. There are no politics -- governmental or the social kind. Just lots of laughs and good food shared among friends.

This year we played our game, had a lovely dinner and then (you guessed it!) wound up around the piano. And I left knowing that all of these friends are Kings.

It's a Signal

Idaho Senator, Larry Craig, is in the news for his shenanigans this summer in a men's room in the Minneapolis airport. According to his statement, he plead guilty to avoid further publicity. Wrong choice! Now, like a child, he says, "I take it back."

He's not in my state and frankly, I don't care about his sexual orientation ... although I do feel sorry for his wife. I'm not one of those people who thinks you can't make wise decisions in the business realm and make foolish choices in the personal life. It happens every day. But, if the allegations are true, the hypocrisy bothers me.

It was a sting operation. (What is going on in this restroom in Minneapolis?) He gave "the signal" to an undercover police officer. The signal involves tapping ones foot under a stall and according to the way it's been explained to me, it means, "I'd like to engage in sexual behavior with you." I had no clue. If someone did this in a public restroom to me, I would think she needs toilet paper. Is there some website or blog out there that teaches the signals? How do they know?

A few years ago, I noticed a laced pair of tennis shoes hung over the light at an intersection in an iffy part of town. It's a signal for drugs available in the area. One of my friends in the judicial system explained that to me. How do people know the signal?

I am so blatant. You will always be able to tell if I'm happy or sad. I laugh and I cry with uncontrolled abandon. (This is one of the reasons I will never run for office.) I've told a few (ok, a million) fibs and white lies in my life but I could never look someone in the eye and lie to them. My expressions and my eyes would give it away. Just ask the husband or the oldies. I get away with nothing.

This is probably why I'll never be good at card games, especially poker.