Maniac

I rarely gripe about my dad. He's my hero. Plus, he accepts me while my mom is still trying to control me. She's always right but it's annoying at this age to admit I still need her advice and counsel. It's even more scary that I seem to need it more as I age.

The other day my dog jumped on my dad. Repeatedly. She is not a small dog. It hurts. I have been on the receiving end.

Here comes the big, sassy mouth part. When he said, "You need to get that dog under control before she hurts someone," I said, "So your dog that bites everyone in her path is ok?"

Later, I was reflecting. First of all, I should not have said that to him. It was disrespectful. I am working on my mouth but I have not conquered my need to have a comeback. Will I ever learn?

We went in the back yard and I threw the tennis ball until I wore her out.

My friend Patsy used to say (about her husband,) "He may be an a******, but he's mine." I feel that way about everyone I love. The husband can truly annoy people, including me. He's still mine. My friends can hurt me but they're still my friends. My aunts, uncles and cousins put up with my quirkiness.

The maniac dog is mine. I may never control her. Sort of like the way that the husband may not control me, my parents may not control their biting dog, my friends might have to accept the person I am instead of the person I want to be.

Angry at You

It's amazing to me the number of people in this world who don't understand that anger is an appropriate emotion. Yes, anger is a feeling -- like jealousy, loneliness, fright or dread -- but it's an insight into a deeper relationship.

People can annoy me or hurt my feelings for the moment. True anger comes from a deeper place. It pulls on love, friendship, trust ... and someone letting it go or letting you down.

I refuse to participate in an angry discussion that includes name calling or how I might have let you down 20 years ago. (They just escalate to tit for tat.) I have no desire to go on Oprah or Dr. Phil to resolve personal relationships gone awry.

One of my observations about love and friendship is that the true, part-of-my-heart relationships withstand this. It's expected. If I've let you in to my experiences and feelings, chances are we will disagree at some point. Another observation is men don't do this very well. Women say, "I can't talk to you right now but I'll get over it."

Supposedly, hate is the opposite of love. Anger is a partner of love. It says, "I care enough about you to express my feelings and I think our relationship can handle it."

Making Cds

If you have a computer that's less than five years old, you have a CD burner. Of course, I had to ask Big Sal to help. She is my CD-burning Queen.

My gift to the goldies was a double CD with songs that meant something to us or represented our friendship. It included:

High Hopes (The Ant Song) -- Frank Sinatra
This One's For the Girls -- Martina McBride
You've Got a Friend -- Carole King
Thank You for Being a Friend -- Golden Girls theme song
I'll Be Around -- The Spinners

There are about 36 more but I won't bore you with them. I went through photo albums and made little CD covers with photos of us at various stages of life.

I made a similar gift for my father to celebrate Father's Day. Different songs and different photos but the same concept. I want my father to play these CDs and know that this woman adores him. In case he forgets, I included a couple of songs that have the name "Sherry" in them. I also added:

I Loved Her First -- Heartland
Because You Loved Me -- Celine Dion
My Girl -- The Temptations
Like a Rock -- Bob Seger

Like the other one, there are about 35 other songs. There's something about music. Some of us are lyrics people and others get absorbed in the drum or guitar solo.

Big Sal made me a CD about aging. It's called, "You're An Old B**** Now." Just reading the titles makes me laugh. Some of the songs:

You're as Cold as Ice -- Foreigner
I Keep Forgetting -- Michael McDonald
Heartache Tonight -- Eagles
Doctor My Eyes -- Jackson Browne
I Go Crazy -- Paul Davis
I'm Still Standing -- Elton John

This is the CD in my car at the moment.

Jan was driving home the other day, listening to her goldies CD. She called me and said, "I want this played at my funeral." Then she called me this morning to tell me that she is getting strength during tough times by listening to the CD. She feels surrounded by us and our friendship.

Not that I ever doubted it but it's a strong reminder of the power of music.

Proud of You

Maya Angelou says one of the greatest gift you can give a child is to have your eyes light up when they enter a room. I agree. There are other ways you can tell a child or a friend or a parent that they're touching your heart.

"I love you" is the obvious. It never loses impact. I can say "I love you" over and over again and whomever I am speaking to will never get how strong that emotion is raging through me.

When you say, "I'm proud of you," you're usually speaking to your child or someone's child who is important in your life. Most adults don't swap this phrase with each other. I wish we would.

Three People -- One Special Day

I'm very possessive so I like to use "my" a lot. My husband, my children, my parents, my oldies, my work, my friends, my dog. I try not to do that in this blog but here is an exception. Three of my favorite people share a birthday. And they are MY people.

I used to be good with cards but now people are lucky to get a phone call. Time gets away from me but I did wake up yesterday knowing it was a special day. (This was after I chased down oldies and dealt with the car in the mailbox.)

So, I wish greetings to these three people:

My Aunt Cess: I look like you and we share the little people syndrome. I have your passion for writing. I need the guidance you provide. I think we have the same wacky sense of humor. Plus, you provided me with some really great cousins.

My Emily: I held you when you were born. I will always be here for you as long as I live. I will hold you in my heart forever.

My Cary: You are a princess and I say, "Work it girl!" Let me know if I can help. I've had a few princess moments myself.

So, it's a day late but I salute these three amazing women. To borrow a phrase from my mother, I'm extremely grateful they were born.

Screw Your Neighbor

I made the mistake of saying to the oldies, "We're going out to play Screw Your Neighbor." With the look on her face, I quickly explained that Screw Your Neighbor is a card game, not a lifestyle.

One of our favorite holiday parties started from our ladies euchre group. We decided to include the husbands -- only once a year. And we decided to play Screw Your Neighbor.

It's an extremely simple game. You only get one card and the King is the top card. You can't sit next to your spouse because people start to get testy, but in a fun way. Through process of elimination, the last person is the winner and they get some money. We sing a little song to the person who is eliminated. (The slight downside of winning is the responsibility to plan the party for next year but it's not that tough. We always go to the same place and the menu falls together easily.)

This is the most relaxing party of the season. There is no pressure to socialize with employees or coworkers. No one is trying to make a business deal. There are no politics -- governmental or the social kind. Just lots of laughs and good food shared among friends.

This year we played our game, had a lovely dinner and then (you guessed it!) wound up around the piano. And I left knowing that all of these friends are Kings.

Travel Agent

I am not a travel agent but if I have to get a real job, I think I may have the qualifications.

Booking a trip for myself is easy. Coordinate with travel mates, get on the computer and book it. Print out the itinerary and on the day before leaving, print out the boarding pass. The most complicated part is heaving my suitcase on the scale to make sure I won't be charged for it being too heavy.

I am the travel agent for the oldies.

One of the husband's brothers has invited them to Texas during the Christmas holiday. (Time out for my happy dance!) She wrote the dates on a slip of paper and gave it to me. There was finagling that needed to be done because their arrival time has to somewhat coincide with their grandsons arrival times. And, they all need to leave at roughly the same time so only one airport trip is necessary. Plus, it has to be as cheap as possible.

Okay, doable.

I researched it and was quite proud of myself that I met all of the criteria. I emailed my brother-in-law with the schedule. I called the airline to go over in extreme detail the kind of special services they will require. I gave her a copy and of course, kept one for myself.

Guess what? She wrote down the wrong dates.

I spent several hours trying to unravel the booked trip without them incurring $200 worth of fees. Once I got that accomplished, I started over from square one but the flights are filling up and the pickings are getting slim. I had the phone at my ear while I sat at the computer.

A massive headache came to visit. She poked her head in my office and said, "Don't forget to rent a car. The boys (her grandchildren) will meet us and drive us. (Neither boy is 25 yet so they can't rent a car.) At this point, a rental car was the least of my worries.

So, it's booked. The rental car is reserved. New itineraries are in the hands of all interested parties. When I handed her the revised schedule, she actually said, "I hope we feel up to traveling. We might not go."

In that case, I will spend Christmas at the nearest mental health facility. I hope the daughter, the baby, the dog, my parents, my friends and the husband will visit me. Or, I might throw my bullet at someone.

Losing Touch

When the daughter was in high school, she had many friends that were the center of her life. Sometimes other things, like studying, took a backseat to whatever was going on with her friends. The husband was the voice of reason and explained that she wouldn't know or keep in contact with most of these people within five or ten years. I agreed with him but I had a hard time with these conversations because two of my dearest friends have been in my life long before high school.

Not that I don't have experience with losing touch with people.

I grew up in a neighborhood of friends. I probably wouldn't recognize most of them today. I had a core group in college and we were inseparable. I haven't seen many of them in years. My life is rich with friends but there are some other people that have disappeared and I miss them.

In a magical twist of fate, this blog has rekindled a friendship with some.

The oldies moved here from Mississippi. The first year, they received constant calls and letters from friends with juicy updates about their town, etc. This year, the notes and phone calls are dwindling. She's noticed and I can tell it depresses her.

Just like marriage, friendship takes an effort. In some ways, it takes more of an effort. It has to matter to you.

So, I've been trying to reach out a bit. When it works, the years fall away. I was in New York earlier this year and had dinner with a friend from college. We're making plans to visit again. I had lunch with another college friend and we shared laughter and tears. We spent a lot of time saying, "Remember when we all ...?" I'm a little jealous, he's done a much better job of keeping in touch with our college gang.

The Unabomber has lost touch with reality; the mother-in-law has not. She watches the comings and goings of our life and she misses her friends.

Married Forever

The oldies have been married 60+ years. My parents have been married 45+ years. My next-door neighbors have been married 35+ years, as have many of our friends. Yes, we've all seen our share of divorces among friends and acquaintances but there's a lot of long-married people in my world.

I've been married forever, if you count it cumulatively.

I never thought of myself as a woman who needs a man to complete her. My track record shows a different story. I've gone steady, been pinned, been engaged, been married and been divorced. When I met the husband, I had sworn off serious dating. Dinner was ok but everything else was off limits. I didn't trust my judgment; I didn't trust me.

Something clicked and we enjoyed dinner. Then, we enjoyed making each other laugh. Then we noticed we were spending more time together than apart. Then we got married.

Don't get me wrong. We're no one's idea of perfection. But, I look at the oldies ... I look at my parents ... I want to believe.

Girl Trips

Don't misunderstand. I love vacationing or traveling with my husband. It works out best if we do it with other couples so he has someone to play golf with.

I think girl trips are the salve for the tired and weary. They save your soul. There's something about hanging with the girlfriends, cooking something easy or not cooking at all, no makeup, no kids, no husbands. (Dogs permitted, depending on the location.)

There's an intimacy that surfaces when you're alone with the girls. Let's talk about the time that you really annoyed me. Let's talk about the friends that we miss. Let's talk about people's botched surgeries or bad clothing choices. Let's play cards. Let's talk about the kids and where we screwed up. Let's talk about the weird things going on with our bodies. Let's toot our own horns and honor each other.

Girl trips are a safe haven, just like golf trips for the men. I find it very sad that my mother-in-law has never been on one. When you're tethered, your choices are to either lie down and be complacent or take him with you.

I take several girl trips a year. They save my sanity.