She Went That Way!

Once again, life has come full circle. I am living with my parents in the neighborhood I grew up in. It is a temporary arrangement so I'm soaking up every second of it. Many of my childhood neighbors still live here. Most of the children that I ran around with still come over to visit their parents so I get to see them too.

I've always had good neighbors and the house I shared with the husband was no exception. It was just a different kind of neighborly. In that house, I could walk on the patio and no one could see me. Here, I am regularly greeted by one of the next-door neighbors across the fence.

The other day I forgot to put Gabby's invisible fence collar on her and I also left the gate open. As she darted, the friend across the street opened her front door and yelled, "She went that way!"

Someone backed out of her driveway and hit a neighbor's car parked on the street. How do I know this? I saw neighbors gathering out front so I grabbed my glass of wine and ventured over to find out what was going on. That's how we do it here.

The lady across the street has watched me grow up and I have been attending the same church with her for many years. She has noticed my car so the other day during the meet and greet portion of the service, she gave me a hug and said, "Welcome back neighbor."

I'm comforted here. Not just by the obvious love and support from my oldies but from neighbors and friends who look out for each other and have been doing it for decades.

Dying of a Broken Heart

Growing up in the neighborhood, there was the cutest old couple. Mr. and Mrs. Fox kept their lawn and home immaculate. They were extremely kind to each other and all of us. They put up with the neighborhood kids and genuinely seemed to like us. She was the epitome of the grandmotherly image -- handing out cookies and compliments. They died within a few days of each other.

My own maternal grandparents, who claimed ultimate disdain for each other, had a surreal fascination with the other. They died within a few days of each other.

I know many people who have lost a spouse, grieved, picked up the pieces and found joy again. I've witnessed many people who cannot do it. Is it sheer will for those who find the strength? Is it weakness or simply dying of a broken heart for those who cannot?

We were informed this morning that Hangdog is being transported from the Home to the hospital. His blood pressure is too low and his pulse is too high. Deja Vu. I know this road. I've traveled it before.

Back to the Day

I honestly wouldn't choose to go back but let's just fantasize a bit ...

I'd pick those days when Greg used to do my pesky lawn chores and then sneak a kiss in the back of my parent's pick-up truck while we were on our way to some convoluted hoe-down.

I'd pick those days when Jeff used to tell me I was the prettiest woman on earth and he meant it.

I'd pick those days when Kirk fell in love with me (or I tricked him into thinking he was) and for a while, it was bliss.

I'd pick those days when the neighborhood kids ran around like maniacs. I'd climb a tree, play spin the bottle, get punched in the gut ... bring it on.

I'd pick those days when Jan and Deb decided Sheri made a good threesome. Still going strong.

I'd pick those college days. Again and again and again.

I'd pick the daughter's teenage years and the baby's young years.

I'd pick when I was courting the husband and he was courting me.

Tomorrow Hangdog goes to the "Home." All he's asked me for is some laundry and my cell phone number.

I'd pick any day except today or tomorrow.

May Danny Come Out and Play?

As children, we ran like crazy around the neighborhood. The season or the weather didn't matter. Sometimes we were called home for some silly reason like dinner but we ran back outside as soon as that obligation was over. I remember friends at the door asking, "Can Sheri come out and play?" Unless I was in trouble, I bolted. I get a little crazy that most children seem to have lost that magical childhood experience.

The other day the husband was kind enough to run some errands for me. It was snowing/icing, etc. But, he must've lost track of time. I answered our home phone and a friend (and one of his card-playing buddies) said, "Mrs. Roman, may Danny come out and play?"

I still have my play dates so I can't tease him too much. Even our dog has play dates. The oldies will never get this about us.

Losing Touch

When the daughter was in high school, she had many friends that were the center of her life. Sometimes other things, like studying, took a backseat to whatever was going on with her friends. The husband was the voice of reason and explained that she wouldn't know or keep in contact with most of these people within five or ten years. I agreed with him but I had a hard time with these conversations because two of my dearest friends have been in my life long before high school.

Not that I don't have experience with losing touch with people.

I grew up in a neighborhood of friends. I probably wouldn't recognize most of them today. I had a core group in college and we were inseparable. I haven't seen many of them in years. My life is rich with friends but there are some other people that have disappeared and I miss them.

In a magical twist of fate, this blog has rekindled a friendship with some.

The oldies moved here from Mississippi. The first year, they received constant calls and letters from friends with juicy updates about their town, etc. This year, the notes and phone calls are dwindling. She's noticed and I can tell it depresses her.

Just like marriage, friendship takes an effort. In some ways, it takes more of an effort. It has to matter to you.

So, I've been trying to reach out a bit. When it works, the years fall away. I was in New York earlier this year and had dinner with a friend from college. We're making plans to visit again. I had lunch with another college friend and we shared laughter and tears. We spent a lot of time saying, "Remember when we all ...?" I'm a little jealous, he's done a much better job of keeping in touch with our college gang.

The Unabomber has lost touch with reality; the mother-in-law has not. She watches the comings and goings of our life and she misses her friends.

A Pasadena Day

Yesterday was a Pasadena day and I didn't even go to California.

Instead, the husband and I attended a 70th birthday party for Nick Seats. Oh My Gosh! The people. The memories. My mind was in overdrive.

The party was hosted by his three children and held in the middle child's beautiful home. (I love to see other people's homes.) He was the one who punched me in the stomach when we were children. The fun memories outweigh that one but we still like to joke about it. As I told him last night, I probably deserved it.

His sister is a little wisp of a thing and she is tough as nails. (She'd better be -- she's the mother of three boys.) As she explained to me, "I grew up with two older brothers; I learned to toughen up." Then, she told me she'd stashed her favorite wine. She shared it me. Now that's friendship.

Tons of my old neighbors were there. I heard about their children, grandchildren and some of their great-grandchildren. Big Daddy tried to keep up with the stories but I'm sure he wanted to whack me every time I squealed with delight at seeing someone I had not seen in years.

He's crazy about Nick. Since they've both worked in the same industry, they know a lot of the same people and love to share the different versions of the same gossip. I've worked in this marketing community a long time too but their stories are much more interesting.

Besides my sister, some of the children I used to babysit were there. Most are grown with children of their own. My parents' next door neighbors were there with their daughter. I remember when her older brother was born. We were sitting on the porch and Tony came over to announce, "It's a boy." I remember learning that the boy had just acquired a little sister.

Barb and Bill were there. They used to live next door to the Naked Guy. They have a standing date with my parents for Steak & Shake, games, and whatever floats their boat. All I know is they have taken care of me and they are really good huggers. I'm like Pavlov's dog when they show up. Arms extended -- let's have a hug!

Other people wandered in and I was in full flashback mode. J's high school boyfriend, his wife and two sons. Wow! I know we're all older but he looked the same to me. He was polite but a little reserved. I can't decide if he doesn't like me or if he's afraid I'll start on some trip down memory lane in front of his wife. I would never do that unless too much wine was involved.

Then, we actually went to Pasadena. (Again, not California.)

We don't do reunions in our family. But, the family that's here in town has a monthly version of it. They take turns hosting it. We rarely attend due to other commitments but we went last night. Super, amazing fun for me! I saw a couple of cousins I haven't seen in years. Again, squealing was involved.

At one point in my childhood, my Aunt Judy (mom's sister) and Uncle Don lived down the street. My great-aunt Ann and Uncle Harry lived two houses down from them. My Aunt Connie (mom's sister) lived with us. The saying is, "It takes a village to raise a child." Our village was right there.

I used to ride my bike up and down the street repeatedly. If Uncle Harry was outside, he would say, "Comb your hair!" I have extremely wild, untamed hair. I didn't care as a child and I probably care less now. When I went to college, Uncle Harry made me a comb out of this beautiful wood. It's humongous. I lost it for a few years but now it has a worthy spot in my bathroom. It makes me smile.

My parents cooked and cleaned. No one could feel uncomfortable in their home unless the demon dog bites, but they're pretty good at keeping her away from ankles. She's a lean, mean, fighting machine but she mainly wants to fight with your ankles.

My parents' next door neighbor told me a story about her daughter and my parents. During one of their last parties, Sarah remarked to her mother, "I didn't know old people would stay up so late." In Sarah's mind, my parents are oldies. I should bring her to my house for a day.

We left earlier than I wished, but all in all it was a great day. With golf and business functions, Big Daddy and I attend a lot of parties. Yesterday was two parties filled with memories, love and affection.

Happy Birthday Nick.