Out of the Blue

Some people have extremely good radar. You know the type. They anticipate and usually know what's going to happen next. They rarely ask a question that they don't already know the answer. I am married to one of these people and it is a skill I admire daily.

I am the opposite. I'm not stupid but I get the bejeezus shocked out of me on a regular basis. Lately, I seem to have lived my life on the planet of "Whoa! Didn't see that coming!"

Out of the blue, both oldies died. It shocked me to the core.
Out of the blue, new clients are emerging.
Out of the blue, childhood friends are reconnecting. (Never underestimate drunk dialing.)
Out of the blue, my blinders blew off and many issues are seen with new clarity.

Out of the blue, I've come out of the blues. My back yard is blooming. So am I.

Three People -- One Special Day

I'm very possessive so I like to use "my" a lot. My husband, my children, my parents, my oldies, my work, my friends, my dog. I try not to do that in this blog but here is an exception. Three of my favorite people share a birthday. And they are MY people.

I used to be good with cards but now people are lucky to get a phone call. Time gets away from me but I did wake up yesterday knowing it was a special day. (This was after I chased down oldies and dealt with the car in the mailbox.)

So, I wish greetings to these three people:

My Aunt Cess: I look like you and we share the little people syndrome. I have your passion for writing. I need the guidance you provide. I think we have the same wacky sense of humor. Plus, you provided me with some really great cousins.

My Emily: I held you when you were born. I will always be here for you as long as I live. I will hold you in my heart forever.

My Cary: You are a princess and I say, "Work it girl!" Let me know if I can help. I've had a few princess moments myself.

So, it's a day late but I salute these three amazing women. To borrow a phrase from my mother, I'm extremely grateful they were born.

The Water Is Running

Cooking seems to be a thing of my past, except for the holidays. Oh, I round up the occasional meal but planning, shopping and stewing about it seems futile when the husband would prefer to go out and the oldies eat on a completely different schedule. Every once in a while, we hit some of our favorite carry-out places. I always try to include the oldies. Tonight we're going for BBQ.

So, I took the menu into the dungeon and asked if they would like to partake. Weird sound... what is it? I'm looking around ... are they listening to one of those CDs with water sounds?

No. Someone forgot to turn the faucet off in the bathroom. It's been running for hours.

Another Trip and The Happy Dance

Last week was interesting. The oldies spent more time in bed than out of it. I expressed my concerns more than once. Ok, more than twice. There were several days that he only came out to eat.

With that in mind, imagine my shock when they announced last night that they're going on a road trip. What? They've decided to go to Mississippi -- an 8 to 10 hour drive, depending on traffic. They'll stop along the way to visit relatives and friends. The angel on my shoulder said I should be concerned about their ability to make this trip, even with numerous stops.

The devil on my shoulder said, "Be happy!" So I moved out of their line of vision to a spot where only the husband could see me. Then, I did my happy dance! He burst out laughing but he covered it well.

Instead of trying to talk them out of this trip, we both said, (in unison,) "When are you leaving?" They fudged the answer. Something about packing and laundry and getting new clothes so I figure it will be 3 or 4 weeks away.

I take everything personally so I know they are trying to escape me and my endless questions. They need a break from us and we need a break from them. I will help them pack. I will loan all the luggage they can load.

Then, I will catch the husband's eye and I will do my happy dance again.

'Fraidy Cat

I pretend to be brave but I'm not. Little things can send me over the edge. Before my mother and I went to the fair, there was a bird in my garage. Remember, I hate birds. He was confused and trying to fly out the window so that resulted in bashing his head and flopping. I had a broom but every time I got close to him, I squealed and ran. Thankfully, my mother showed up and batted him out.

We spotted a mouse in the house. (We live in a wooded area and the oldies tend to leave doors open.) Everyone was very nonchalant about traps, sticky stuff, etc. I kept my feet off the floor and called houseboy.

About a year and a half ago, the oldies had a double fall. They collided, which resulted in him face down in the kitchen and her with a massive head wound after hitting the corner of the piano. The husband was in bed. I ran in our bedroom and yelled, "911! Both oldies down!"

With surgeries or even routine tests, I become a maniac. It's a little embarrassing because most of my doctors are also my friends. I had a biopsy a few months ago -- it was fine -- and I finally asked the doctor to put a towel over my head. She laughed and complied. Of course, my mother was sitting in the waiting room.

The husband bails me out of trouble on a regular basis. He knows my quirks and humors me.

When I'm really a 'fraidy cat, I call my dad.

The Best Pooper

If you've ever potty trained a child, you know that we will all go to humiliating lengths to accomplish the goal. Cheerios in the toilet? I've done it. I still tease the baby that his urges always came during dinner and then he would yell for me. If you need to lose a few pounds, potty train a child. Dinner never seems quite as appetizing after you've praised the waste.

I'm a big clapper. I used to clap when the baby did his job. When I was housebreaking the puppy, I would clap and announce, "You're the best pooper in the neighborhood!" Big Daddy asked me to please stop doing this. He was afraid someone might overhear and discover my secret dementia.

One of my girlfriends struggled through Alzheimer's and dementia with her parents. They lived in Florida so she saw them sporadically. On one of her last visits, they had put a pink, plastic toilet in the middle of the living room. She convinced her mother to go out for a bit and when they returned, her father announced, "I had a BM." Her mother clapped and jumped up and down. (I'm glimpsing my future -- this will be me.)

Living with the oldies involves discussing a lot of bathroom issues. I hate it. But, I am certain not to overeat when it happens around dinner time.

You Hurt One of My Feelings

Like many great expressions, this one comes out of the mouth of a babe. One of our friend's daughter said this phrase to him a few years ago. Of course, it caught on.

My feelings have been hurt this week. There's probably too much going on and I'm striving to be a pleaser. People are coming and going. People have their own expectations and plans. What happens is, ultimately, you please no one. Sometimes angry words are exchanged or angry thoughts are put in emails. It serves no purpose.

Last week, the mother-in-law was a little chilly to me. Turns out, I'd hurt one of her husband's feelings.

The Avoidance Game

The husband and I have both worked for big corporations. One of the things they love to do is those personality tests. Big Daddy tells me that he has been tested and he is "Conflict Avoidance." (Why in the the world did he ever marry me?)

I'm in Oldies Avoidance mode. Their grandson was here and they were cranky with everyone. I was annoyed beyond belief.

So, I take the dog outside. Or, I shut myself in the office. Or, I take a swim in my tub. If I hear them shuffling in, I can vacate a room so fast your head would spin like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist."

It makes me sad. I think they're avoiding me too.

Questions to Ponder

The Golden Girls and I travel a couple of times a year. We are each required to bring a list of questions. As mentioned in previous posts, we cut them in little strips and carry them with us everywhere. It's a great way to get caught up on our lives and our mindset. Here's a sampling of the list I brought last year:

If you could trade lives for one day with someone you know personally, who would it be and why?

What's the best thing you've done this year?

Who from your past would you like to reconnect with?

If you were back in college, what would you choose as your major?

Name one trait in your children that you know comes from you.

What songs do you want at your funeral?

Would you ever remarry?

What do you pray for?

At what age did you feel like an adult? At what age did you feel middle aged?

Where were you on 9/11/01?

If you had to pick one CD/album to listen to for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?

What do you own too much of?

When someone disappoints you, how do you handle it?

Name something that we did as teens that you never want your kids to do.

Who would you like to see as our first woman president? Why?

What's the one grooming item you couldn't do without?

What technology are you most befuddled by?

Are you politically active? How have you instilled this in your children?

Who can you count on when the chips are down?

Are regrets a bad thing? What do you regret?

Are friendships a fluke or a destiny?

What languages do you wish you could speak fluently?

Is there life on other planets?

What's the weirdest thing going on with your body?

Do you hate anyone? If so, who and why?

Name one thing you know you'll never do but wish you had.

If you won a dream makeover, what would you have done?

If you could re-do your wedding, what would you do differently?

Is there a picture of you "out there" that you regret?

Other than a wedding ring, what's your favorite piece of jewelry or accessory?

We're mid-40s. If you found out tomorrow that you were pregnant, what would you do?

If I met you for the first time, how would you describe yourself?

What's your weirdest quirk?

If you wrote your autobiography, what would the title be?

When you vote, if there's a category that you don't know the candidates, do you go by party or skip that section?

What's the best invention of our lifetime?

If your child were in a relationship that you did not approve of, how would you handle it?

Name one thing you wish you had more time for.

Ask yourself. Ask your friends. I would ask the oldies but apparently, I already ask too many questions.

High Hopes

Frank Sinatra sang it best:

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he can move that rubber tree plant
Everyone knows an ant can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie in the sky hopes

My golden girls and I used to sing this in high school. We still occasionally sing it to each other when one of us seems to need a boost.

I get depressed with the oldies. Their version of high hopes is that the mail will come early. Yippee!

I have a lot of wishes and dreams. I hope you do too. Just remember that ant ...

Whoops, there goes another rubber tree, whoops there goes another rubber tree, whoops there goes another rubber tree plant.

The Dog Ate It (Again)

I had this envelope with $500 cash lying on the counter -- a deposit I needed to make for the oldies. I got busy. Then, I noticed that the puppy was nowhere to be found.

Have you ever tried to pick up teensy pieces of currency? Have you ever jammed your hand down the dog's throat because you need that serial number? If not, you live a much more stable life than mine.

I spent the afternoon taping money back to its (somewhat) original form. It's kind of like a new version of a jigsaw puzzle. I called the bank. My banker laughed and said, "Bring it in."