My father is the ultimate handy person. I have never lived anywhere that he didn't build or remodel something. I am 45-years old and the trend continues.
The closet in my childhood bedroom is about 1/8 the size of the closet in the home I shared with the husband. Needless to say, I haven't moved all my clothes here (and I need to get rid of a lot) but for this transition period, I need enough to get through various situations including appropriate items to wear to job interviews and to church.
We bought one of those portable, snap-it-together clothes racks on wheels. Flimsy and useless. I hung a few things on it and it fell over. My dad and I picked it up and later it snapped. I'm not talking coats or anything heavy -- just a few sweaters, etc.
Yesterday, he went up in the garage loft and hauled down some spare lumber. (Doesn't everyone have a stash of timber ready to go?) Plus, it was about 10 degrees outside. He made this super-sturdy closet rod and mounted it in the laundry room. It's very large.
If he had surprised me with a Mercedes, I would not have been as happy.
Showing posts with label Fathers and Daughters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fathers and Daughters. Show all posts
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I Love You but I Don't Like You Right Now
Do you experience this feeling? I do. A lot. I also tend to zoom in on one occasion, one comment, one offense and fret about it. The other day, one of my friends told me to "let it go." Good advice but I'm not skilled at it. I prefer to beat it to death. I'm convinced it's a genetic disease.
Anyone who's been in a marriage or a relationship for longer than six months knows this feeling. I don't trust people who won't admit to it. They may be kidding themselves but they're not kidding me.
You might think I'm only referring to marital relationships but that is not true. I've been in this place with friends, children and parents. Okay, truthfully, with the parent thing, it's only my mother because my father lets her do the dirty work. This does not make him weak; it makes him smart. I could not hang up on him but my mother and I have moved it to an art form. It's not an offense -- one of us immediately calls back.
I think this is one of the greatest gifts you can give a child. The ability to speak his or her mind, the ability to apologize, the ability to stand back and realize where the fault may be. The ability to argue a position and make the case.
In my childhood, I was allowed to disagree. I was allowed to make my case. Sometimes I won and sometimes I lost but I learned to do it respectfully.
Neither of my parents are attorneys, nor am I. But, they would've served our judicial system well.
Anyone who's been in a marriage or a relationship for longer than six months knows this feeling. I don't trust people who won't admit to it. They may be kidding themselves but they're not kidding me.
You might think I'm only referring to marital relationships but that is not true. I've been in this place with friends, children and parents. Okay, truthfully, with the parent thing, it's only my mother because my father lets her do the dirty work. This does not make him weak; it makes him smart. I could not hang up on him but my mother and I have moved it to an art form. It's not an offense -- one of us immediately calls back.
I think this is one of the greatest gifts you can give a child. The ability to speak his or her mind, the ability to apologize, the ability to stand back and realize where the fault may be. The ability to argue a position and make the case.
In my childhood, I was allowed to disagree. I was allowed to make my case. Sometimes I won and sometimes I lost but I learned to do it respectfully.
Neither of my parents are attorneys, nor am I. But, they would've served our judicial system well.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
A Possible Christmas Photo
When this is posted, I will be sitting in a waiting room while my father has sinus surgery.
A few years ago, my mother had knee surgery and in the recovery room, my father and I got hysterical laughing at her in the surgical cap gone askew. I called tonight to remind him that I might bring a camera. It's his turn. He will have a surgical cap. He will have a mask over his face to catch whatever (ick!) comes out of his nose.
We've been warned that the inability to breathe through your nose can cause panic attacks. We've been told that he will not sleep well for the few days until the nasal packing is removed. I'm thinking this is prime photo opportunity.
A few years ago, my mother had knee surgery and in the recovery room, my father and I got hysterical laughing at her in the surgical cap gone askew. I called tonight to remind him that I might bring a camera. It's his turn. He will have a surgical cap. He will have a mask over his face to catch whatever (ick!) comes out of his nose.
We've been warned that the inability to breathe through your nose can cause panic attacks. We've been told that he will not sleep well for the few days until the nasal packing is removed. I'm thinking this is prime photo opportunity.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
In My Father's Arms
When I was poring through photos, looking for appropriate pictures to use on the CD cover for my Dad's Father's Day gift, I noticed that most of the photos of just the two of us involved a hug or his arm around me.
We're touchy people. I find his affection especially amazing since his mother died when he was very young and his father was a cold man, incapable of showing affection.
I spent several hours with my Dad yesterday. We're still touchy. We hug. We pat each other's arms or knees. We still link arms. I don't think we've ever gone through a conversation without the words, "I love you." Even when he doesn't agree with my decisions or I get on his nerves, he's on my side. Or, at least there to pick up the pieces.
No offense to the husband, my mother or the many other people who hug me. But, I breathe a little better in my father's arms.
We're touchy people. I find his affection especially amazing since his mother died when he was very young and his father was a cold man, incapable of showing affection.
I spent several hours with my Dad yesterday. We're still touchy. We hug. We pat each other's arms or knees. We still link arms. I don't think we've ever gone through a conversation without the words, "I love you." Even when he doesn't agree with my decisions or I get on his nerves, he's on my side. Or, at least there to pick up the pieces.
No offense to the husband, my mother or the many other people who hug me. But, I breathe a little better in my father's arms.
Making Cds
If you have a computer that's less than five years old, you have a CD burner. Of course, I had to ask Big Sal to help. She is my CD-burning Queen.
My gift to the goldies was a double CD with songs that meant something to us or represented our friendship. It included:
There are about 36 more but I won't bore you with them. I went through photo albums and made little CD covers with photos of us at various stages of life.
I made a similar gift for my father to celebrate Father's Day. Different songs and different photos but the same concept. I want my father to play these CDs and know that this woman adores him. In case he forgets, I included a couple of songs that have the name "Sherry" in them. I also added:
Like the other one, there are about 35 other songs. There's something about music. Some of us are lyrics people and others get absorbed in the drum or guitar solo.
Big Sal made me a CD about aging. It's called, "You're An Old B**** Now." Just reading the titles makes me laugh. Some of the songs:
This is the CD in my car at the moment.
Jan was driving home the other day, listening to her goldies CD. She called me and said, "I want this played at my funeral." Then she called me this morning to tell me that she is getting strength during tough times by listening to the CD. She feels surrounded by us and our friendship.
Not that I ever doubted it but it's a strong reminder of the power of music.
My gift to the goldies was a double CD with songs that meant something to us or represented our friendship. It included:
High Hopes (The Ant Song) -- Frank Sinatra
This One's For the Girls -- Martina McBride
You've Got a Friend -- Carole King
Thank You for Being a Friend -- Golden Girls theme song
I'll Be Around -- The Spinners
There are about 36 more but I won't bore you with them. I went through photo albums and made little CD covers with photos of us at various stages of life.
I made a similar gift for my father to celebrate Father's Day. Different songs and different photos but the same concept. I want my father to play these CDs and know that this woman adores him. In case he forgets, I included a couple of songs that have the name "Sherry" in them. I also added:
I Loved Her First -- Heartland
Because You Loved Me -- Celine Dion
My Girl -- The Temptations
Like a Rock -- Bob Seger
Like the other one, there are about 35 other songs. There's something about music. Some of us are lyrics people and others get absorbed in the drum or guitar solo.
Big Sal made me a CD about aging. It's called, "You're An Old B**** Now." Just reading the titles makes me laugh. Some of the songs:
You're as Cold as Ice -- Foreigner
I Keep Forgetting -- Michael McDonald
Heartache Tonight -- Eagles
Doctor My Eyes -- Jackson Browne
I Go Crazy -- Paul Davis
I'm Still Standing -- Elton John
This is the CD in my car at the moment.
Jan was driving home the other day, listening to her goldies CD. She called me and said, "I want this played at my funeral." Then she called me this morning to tell me that she is getting strength during tough times by listening to the CD. She feels surrounded by us and our friendship.
Not that I ever doubted it but it's a strong reminder of the power of music.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Manipulators
During an email conversation with the Golden Girls this week, one of them mentioned that her daughter has become a little manipulator. We disagreed on the word manipulator but we all agreed that daughters have a way with fathers. We debated whether fathers have a blind spot or just a soft spot for daughters. I think it's both.
I'm 44-years old and my father still has a soft spot for me. He expresses his concerns to my mother and then she gets to have the tough talk with me. I see the "she walks on water" look in the husband's eyes when we discuss the daughter.
It makes me sad for the millions of children who grow up without fathers. Boys, of course, need the stability, love and support of a father. They also need a role model. Girls all deserve to grow up with a man who thinks the sun rises and sets on them. My belief is that it creates a stronger sense of self with the reliable cushion of knowing you are loved.
I asked my friends these questions: "Didn't we do this when we were young? Didn't we know which parent to ask and always know Dad would be more likely to say yes?"
The best answer was, "I didn't ask. I just went ahead and did it."
Touche!
I'm 44-years old and my father still has a soft spot for me. He expresses his concerns to my mother and then she gets to have the tough talk with me. I see the "she walks on water" look in the husband's eyes when we discuss the daughter.
It makes me sad for the millions of children who grow up without fathers. Boys, of course, need the stability, love and support of a father. They also need a role model. Girls all deserve to grow up with a man who thinks the sun rises and sets on them. My belief is that it creates a stronger sense of self with the reliable cushion of knowing you are loved.
I asked my friends these questions: "Didn't we do this when we were young? Didn't we know which parent to ask and always know Dad would be more likely to say yes?"
The best answer was, "I didn't ask. I just went ahead and did it."
Touche!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Not Good Enough
Most of you have experienced the magic of birth. The baby is plopped on your chest and the husband gets to cut the cord. Some of us witness this. Some of us come later to the story but that doesn't make the emotions less intense.
The baby is pretty tight lipped about his love life. I respect that. He'll come around with some girl sooner or later. I'm hoping for later.
The daughter has been very open about her dating life. I watch the husband. If he had a tattoo, it would say, "You're not good enough for her." No offense intended to any boy/man she's ever dated. It's just a guttural thing. I suspect my father has experienced the same feelings.
One of my childhood friends is raising three boys. She and her husband seem to have a great partnership. These boys are babies. I cannot wait to see her claws come out when they reach dating age. I know her. I know her mother.
I have two goddaughters that have taken beauty to new heights. I do not envy their dates and/or boyfriends. I know their father.
From what I can tell, my sister is raising some pretty amazing kids. When she was a child, I used to pull her aside for unsolicited advice. I still follow her around with tips she does not need. I've become Crazy Grandma ... "You'll see."
The baby is pretty tight lipped about his love life. I respect that. He'll come around with some girl sooner or later. I'm hoping for later.
The daughter has been very open about her dating life. I watch the husband. If he had a tattoo, it would say, "You're not good enough for her." No offense intended to any boy/man she's ever dated. It's just a guttural thing. I suspect my father has experienced the same feelings.
One of my childhood friends is raising three boys. She and her husband seem to have a great partnership. These boys are babies. I cannot wait to see her claws come out when they reach dating age. I know her. I know her mother.
I have two goddaughters that have taken beauty to new heights. I do not envy their dates and/or boyfriends. I know their father.
From what I can tell, my sister is raising some pretty amazing kids. When she was a child, I used to pull her aside for unsolicited advice. I still follow her around with tips she does not need. I've become Crazy Grandma ... "You'll see."
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Will it Matter Next Year?
My father does an excellent job of keeping things in perspective. As I'm wailing and complaining, he will often ask me, "Will it matter or will you remember this problem next year?"
That's why I treasure his advice. He can separate the trivial stuff from the life altering experiences.
This is easier for men. Usually the even-keeled men have a hands-on woman sweeping up and dealing with the minutia. Hangdog was pretty low key in his old age. The Belle took care of the details.
But the philosophy still holds and I'm working on it. I don't see black and white. My perspectives change but there's a lot of gray. If life were a poll, I'd check "undecided" far too often.
That's why I treasure his advice. He can separate the trivial stuff from the life altering experiences.
This is easier for men. Usually the even-keeled men have a hands-on woman sweeping up and dealing with the minutia. Hangdog was pretty low key in his old age. The Belle took care of the details.
But the philosophy still holds and I'm working on it. I don't see black and white. My perspectives change but there's a lot of gray. If life were a poll, I'd check "undecided" far too often.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
The Poster Child for Good Behavior
Obviously, I am not referring to myself.
I get a little nervous when someone I love has a doctor's appointment or medical tests. Within the last 10 days or so, my father has had both. Both days, I waited for the phone call so I could exhale. Thankfully, all is well.
His doctor called him, "The Poster Child for Good Behavior." He follows instructions and manages his conditions. He manages to do it cheerfully, although he has made many lifestyle changes that would shake or break a weaker man.
Yes, this is blatant daughter worship.
When I had lunch with my doctor this week, I had a cheeseburger and onion rings. He made a crack about keeping him in business. But this is the man who literally has all my numbers (cholesterol, weight, etc.) so he said it with a smile.
Today I will visit Hangdog, who is not even in the running for Poster Child for Good Behavior. Then I will go to my parents and visit people I don't spend enough time with. Maybe my father will rub off on me and I'll start being better behaved.
I get a little nervous when someone I love has a doctor's appointment or medical tests. Within the last 10 days or so, my father has had both. Both days, I waited for the phone call so I could exhale. Thankfully, all is well.
His doctor called him, "The Poster Child for Good Behavior." He follows instructions and manages his conditions. He manages to do it cheerfully, although he has made many lifestyle changes that would shake or break a weaker man.
Yes, this is blatant daughter worship.
When I had lunch with my doctor this week, I had a cheeseburger and onion rings. He made a crack about keeping him in business. But this is the man who literally has all my numbers (cholesterol, weight, etc.) so he said it with a smile.
Today I will visit Hangdog, who is not even in the running for Poster Child for Good Behavior. Then I will go to my parents and visit people I don't spend enough time with. Maybe my father will rub off on me and I'll start being better behaved.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Only Man I Love
One of my teenage friends recently said to me, "He's the only man I love."
After I stopped rolling my eyes and holding my side, I explained my perspective: You will love many men.
If you're lucky, your first male love was and continues to be your father.
The Belle had four sons and loved them all with a passion. She also loved the Captain. Movies and books simplify love and life. It's not simple; it's extremely messy. But love abounds and like her, I love a lot of men.
After I stopped rolling my eyes and holding my side, I explained my perspective: You will love many men.
If you're lucky, your first male love was and continues to be your father.
Grandfathers make some pretty great loves. Plus, they let you get away with a lot.
I've never had a brother but I've always wanted one and I understand their love is a bond that no one should mess with.
Uncles are one of life's greatest gifts.
Male friends will protect and honor you.
You never know when a brother-in-law will turn out to save you.
You will have a first love, maybe some middle loves and hopefully, a forever love.
Someday you might have a son. Tell me then about only loving one man.
The Belle had four sons and loved them all with a passion. She also loved the Captain. Movies and books simplify love and life. It's not simple; it's extremely messy. But love abounds and like her, I love a lot of men.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Comings and Goings
The daughter and her boyfriend are in town for the weekend. I'm thrilled and the husband is positively giddy. Fathers and daughters have a magical connection. I respect it. I understand it; I feel the same way about my dad. Then I feel a little sad. My dad and I see a lot of each other because we live in the same town. Big Daddy and the daughter don't have this option right now but they're very good about phone calls and texting. It's not the same as getting a hug from your dad.
All of the extended family will be here tonight. We're honoring the daughter's visit home and having a little salute to the baby as he heads off to college tomorrow. I'm trying to live in the moment and enjoy it instead of preparing for my impending sadness when everyone leaves.
When we remodeled this house, we should've put in a revolving door. Like Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, "People come and go so quickly around here." The oldies are always a little jarred by this fact. I don't know when this is going to sink in with them. It could be my parents or a girlfriend who stops by. It could be houseboy. It could be a service person. It could be a work-related meeting. Big Daddy could invite people over for a drink. It could be an impromptu party.
Tonight will be delightful. Tomorrow, I will be a puddle on the floor.
All of the extended family will be here tonight. We're honoring the daughter's visit home and having a little salute to the baby as he heads off to college tomorrow. I'm trying to live in the moment and enjoy it instead of preparing for my impending sadness when everyone leaves.
When we remodeled this house, we should've put in a revolving door. Like Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, "People come and go so quickly around here." The oldies are always a little jarred by this fact. I don't know when this is going to sink in with them. It could be my parents or a girlfriend who stops by. It could be houseboy. It could be a service person. It could be a work-related meeting. Big Daddy could invite people over for a drink. It could be an impromptu party.
Tonight will be delightful. Tomorrow, I will be a puddle on the floor.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Daddy's Girl
There's a special something that happens between daughters and dads. Both of my parents would walk through fire for me. My dad would do it doused in gasoline. My mom is my go-to person, my confindante, my friend. My dad is my soft cushion. He'll hug me and make it better. He'll show up when I need anything.
My mom had to play the tough guy during my childhood. She did not trust me a bit and rightly so. My dad thought I was his angel. (Not!) Even when I disappointed him, he made me feel like the most special little girl on this planet.
A million years ago, I was in college and I wanted to come home for the weekend. It was raining, sleeting, snowing, etc. My mother said, "No way! We are not driving to get you." Later, she called (and trust me, she was cranky) and said, "Your father is on his way." That's what dads do.
Big Daddy and our daughter have a similar relationship. For a girl, there's nothing like the approval of your dad.
I'm a big hugger. There's no better hug than one from my dad.
My mom had to play the tough guy during my childhood. She did not trust me a bit and rightly so. My dad thought I was his angel. (Not!) Even when I disappointed him, he made me feel like the most special little girl on this planet.
A million years ago, I was in college and I wanted to come home for the weekend. It was raining, sleeting, snowing, etc. My mother said, "No way! We are not driving to get you." Later, she called (and trust me, she was cranky) and said, "Your father is on his way." That's what dads do.
Big Daddy and our daughter have a similar relationship. For a girl, there's nothing like the approval of your dad.
I'm a big hugger. There's no better hug than one from my dad.
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