Clowns

Clowns are creepy. I was afeared (crossword term) of them as a child and I have avoided them as an adult. It’s that big, painted-on fake smile. It’s that icky act of trying to be charming but instead it gives me the willies. It’s a bunch of them crawling out of a little car. I did this with girlfriends but none of us put on a wig and big shoes.

When I worked downtown in the corporate world, the circus would come to town at least once a year. It was about 2 blocks from my office so I could watch the elephant and tiger parade as they unloaded. The clowns lead various sections of the spectacle. I looked away.

I actually know people who have clown pictures hanging in their homes and/or in their children’s bedrooms. Don’t be surprised if these children grow up afraid of clowns or become serial killers.

The three-ring circus is not my fave. I get confused with the three rings. Is she going to fall off the trapeze? Is the elephant going to trample someone? Is the tiger going to strike his trainer? Is the kid next to me going to slop some more cotton candy on my lap? Did I truly pay to be this stressed out? My brain is not equipped to keep track of this many things at once.

Once they start bringing in the clowns, I am out of there.

Life Lists - Part One

A lot of people compose lists of goals they hope to accomplish in their lifetime. Climb Mt. Everest? Check. Visit every continent? Check. I understand the fascination with this to some degree. I love lists. I love the opportunity to cross something off my to-do list. It's a meager, yet meaningful, sense of completion.

I'm starting a new list, titled "Things I'll Never Do and Things I'll Never Do Again." (I'll let you figure out which ones I've never done and which ones I'll never do again.) My list begins with:

• Camping
• Wear braces
• Do any illegal substances
• Mow a lawn
• Get tattoos or piercings
• Date a married man
• Climb a mountain
• Swim a Channel
• Give birth
• Wear a high school gym uniform
• Ride a motorcycle
• Go to the circus -- the clowns give me the creeps
• Work for or with a raving lunatic
• Own a bird
• Take oldies into my home without an exit plan

I'm very excited about this project. I can type it out and whenever I feel like it, I can read it and say to myself, "Check it off; not going to do that!" Mission accomplished. Plus, I can add to it whenever I feel like it. I hope you'll make your own list.