Hurry Up and Wait

Lately life, and I'm not just talking about mine, seems to be filled with waiting. As a person with limited patience, I find this maddening. Some of this is out of anyone's control. If a friend is waiting for test results or anxious about an upcoming appointment, all the pacing in the world isn't going to make the outcome happen sooner.

But here's the other thing I've noticed. Some of the busiest people are the most responsive. Years ago, I worked with the then-president of The Indiana Heart Hospital. Over the course of our business relationship, he traveled extensively. I was constantly checking the time in Asia and other far away locales before I would leave a voice mail. Regardless of the message or email, I always heard from him within hours. He has since moved to a new position in Arizona and I received an email (from his assistant) with his new contact information. This email went to hundreds of business associates. I sent him a quick email wishing him well in the new year -- I heard from him within the hour. No wonder he's so successful.

I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt... they must be overwhelmed with business or phone calls or life. Some days I succeed but today I have not.

A Belated Apology to the Captain and the Belle

When my world was rocked several years ago by the realization that we were going to move the husband's parents into our home, I was nervous but I hope I was also welcoming. As one of my favorite songs goes, "Life was changed, rearranged."

Once again, life is imitating that song's lyrics.

And I realized that I used them as a scapegoat for many things. So, this is my letter to them:

Dear Mom & Pop,

If anyone had told me three years ago that I would miss you as much as I do, I might have rolled my eyes. No, I don't miss the falling and the illnesses. I don't miss the frying. I miss the Belle at the piano and modeling new clothes. I miss the woman who was tough as steel and gentle as a dove. I miss the Captain's stories.

You both showed me love and concern. should've listened more often. I should've said thank you more often. I should've recognized the gift of you.

Stress comes in many forms and from many places. I apologize for often placing the blame on you.

Fretting and Futzing

Today I am on edge. I have many things on my mind and I'm wearing a new path in our already worn-out carpeting.

I know worrying solves nothing but someone needs to explain that to my brain. When I'm in overdrive, I start doing one thing, get distracted, and then start something else. I go to another room with a purpose in mind and then forget what I had in mind. I try to organize something (anything!) and end up with a bigger mess.

I'm going to try to channel some of this spastic energy into one of my writing projects. If that doesn't work, I will make lists. I will walk the maniac dog to burn off some energy. Then I might count something. That always makes my (self-diagnosed) slightly autistic self feel in control.

Everyone copes with worries and stress in different ways. I haven't figured out my best way.

Clowns

Clowns are creepy. I was afeared (crossword term) of them as a child and I have avoided them as an adult. It’s that big, painted-on fake smile. It’s that icky act of trying to be charming but instead it gives me the willies. It’s a bunch of them crawling out of a little car. I did this with girlfriends but none of us put on a wig and big shoes.

When I worked downtown in the corporate world, the circus would come to town at least once a year. It was about 2 blocks from my office so I could watch the elephant and tiger parade as they unloaded. The clowns lead various sections of the spectacle. I looked away.

I actually know people who have clown pictures hanging in their homes and/or in their children’s bedrooms. Don’t be surprised if these children grow up afraid of clowns or become serial killers.

The three-ring circus is not my fave. I get confused with the three rings. Is she going to fall off the trapeze? Is the elephant going to trample someone? Is the tiger going to strike his trainer? Is the kid next to me going to slop some more cotton candy on my lap? Did I truly pay to be this stressed out? My brain is not equipped to keep track of this many things at once.

Once they start bringing in the clowns, I am out of there.

Fretting

Just so you know I am not so self-absorbed that I forget to stress about things that don't really involve my day to day life, let me share a few. I worry about:

Friends who are looking for a job and how I could possibly help.
My parents, who always seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to attention.
Friends and family dealing with various oldie situations.
What our young people are learning or more importantly, not learning.

Oh, I do a good job of fretting about the obvious:

The husband
The children
Money
My business
Friends

The rational part of my brain tells me this fretting serves no purpose. But if you have a way to turn it off, call me at 3:00AM and we'll discuss it.

Worrying and Stress

I'm all for safety. I wear my seat belt. I will never be on a motorcycle again but if I did, I would wear a helmet. The baby had a helmet for bicycling or in-line skating. I rode a bicycle, climbed trees and stood on people's shoulders -- never a helmet involved.

Now the entire country is up in arms about lead paint, especially in toys from China. Didn't we all sleep in cribs and grow up in homes with lead paint?

I have a friend who will not allow her dog to have rawhide bones. I know this because I made the mistake of giving one to the dog and she took it away. My dog would eat the sofa if I left her unsupervised so I'm not stressing about a little rawhide.

The husband grills a mean tenderloin. But, he cannot stand overcooked meat. So, if the pork is a tad pink in the middle and someone makes a comment, he asks for a moment of silence for all the friends we've lost to trichinosis. (None!)

I worry about all the normal things: oldies, my parents, kids, bills, health, business, the husband's stress level, etc.

Then, I worry about weird things: Did I leave the dog outside and might the oldies or the husband run over her? (She's not super smart and we all seem to be accident prone.) What is going on with my hair? Why can't I get my clocks in sync? (You know I have that obsession with numbers.) Did my sassy mouth get me in trouble? Do I owe someone/anyone an apology?

The oldies are headed back in two days. I'll give you one guess of what's on my stress radar today. So, I plan to go to Sheri's World and think about that tomorrow.

Hello God, it's Me

My next-door neighbor's daughter just informed us that the oldies' car was in the mailbox ditch when she came home at 1:00am. That means he spent the night outside in the freezing cold. Or, in their car.

The doctor just called and there's some concern. If she's running a temperature, she cannot fly. Shoot me now. So, the husband will fetch them from the VA and I will dutifully take her temperature and report back to the doctor.

I have no idea what kind of test I'm enduring but I'm pretty sure I'm failing miserably. Plus, I'm getting a little antsy about the husband. His stress level has reached gigantic levels.

I only have one bullet.

The old saying is that God never gives you more than you can handle. To that, I say, "Ha!"