Expressions I Dislike or Don't Understand

Many of us fall into the habit of using the same old expressions. I do it. Descriptive phrases should cause your mind to paint a picture. And sometimes, the picture is not one I want floating around in my brain.

A few examples:

"I've got a sh*t-pot full of work to do."
"You're sh*tting me." (This one also falls in the category of an expression I don't understand.)
"All grown up and haired over."

I dislike overused catch phrases. My current pet peeve is:

"It is what it is." I always want to respond, "According to whom?"

I understand some phrases in context but I can't quite wrap my mind around them. For example:

"Love a duck."
"Puttin' on the dog."
"Painting the town."

The husband tells a story that occurred during his service in Vietnam. I'll botch it but here's the gist of it. A serviceman was determined to need a mental evaluation. Lots of weird behavior. The base psychiatrist or psychologist was a little harsh with the husband because he had mentally checked off "crazy" in his mind. Turns out, they agreed the guy was nutso. I don't remember all of his quirks but the one that sticks in my mind is that he loved to read the dictionary. I think he had read it three or four times.

God is funny. The husband also thinks I'm nutso. Plus, I am rarely without a dictionary within reach.

Pizza: The Perfect Food

This is how old I am. Many years ago, they combined gym with some health and nutrition classes -- they may have even thrown in sex ed. This is way before the food pyramids or HIV/AIDS. These were the Leave It To Beaver years.

You were supposed to get some of each of the four food groups: bread, veggies, dairy and protein. Our teacher made it clear to us that pizza met the criteria and was therefore, the perfect food. Lesson learned! I got through college waiting for Sunday night when we ordered pizza.

If we haven't planned dinner and the oldies are hungry, I'll order a pizza. If I'm alone, I often order a pizza.

And, they bring it to your door! Is this a great country or what?

But, I am a health nut so I only eat one slice.

Shocking!

The other day, the husband and I watched our local football team from the comfort of our den. After the game, I offered to go to McDonald's. (Yes, we're health nuts.) I didn't plan to leave the car so I took the dog with me.

Well, I was brain dead and I forgot that she was wearing her invisible fence collar. She started shrieking as she was getting shocked. I was trying to get the collar off and therefore, I was getting shocked. I managed to get it off but I spent the entire trip apologizing to her. Considering the unnecessary trauma I put her through, I thought a couple of bites of my hamburger was a justified reward.