Naked

2:00 AM to 4:00AM is a dangerous time. There's nothing on television except infomercials, bad reruns, and quacks giving advice. I don't sleep well and I'm a sucker so I watch them all.

The other night, the quack of the moment made some profound announcement about learning to love and accept yourself. It involved standing naked in front of a full-length mirror. I have some advice of my own: Don't Do It! If you decide to ignore this advice, don't do it at 3:00 AM.

I'm not a prude. I find the human body beautiful in many forms. I've been skinny-dipping (in the dark.) Michelangelo's "David" is one of my favorite works of art. I change clothes in front of other women without giving it a thought. Here's a shocker: The husband has seen me naked.

But now that I know what he sees, those days may be over.

Are You a Prude?

Prude: (noun) a person of extreme or exaggerated propriety concerning behavior or speech, one who is easily shocked by sexual matters.

I'm trying to decide if I am one. As usual, I'm in the middle.

I think whatever happens in your bedroom or your sex life is your business. Unless I've known you for several decades, I will be uncomfortable discussing it. Sex scenes in movies or tv shows don't bother me nearly as much as violence, blood and gore -- but sometimes it's too much.

It may be the "in thing" to have a dancing pole or some other apparatus in the bedroom. I have a basket with dog toys. We do not have a stash of X-rated movies. If one of us has muscle pain, Ben Gay might come into play but it's not an aphrodisiac. It's soothing and comforting. It's a spouse saying, "I want to help you feel better."

Dirty jokes don't shock me. I will giggle, even if it's a shaggy dog story that lasts forever. I am a prude about religious or ethnic jokes -- they're not funny to me and I am militant enough to take a stand. Even if it means simply applying my mean face.