Betrayal and Forgiveness

Lots of people have self-imposed rules of behavior. I suppose I fall in that camp, although I seem to have much higher expectations of myself than others.

Here's the kicker. I have been betrayed. I have betrayed others. I can be just flighty enough to awaken at 3:00 AM and realize that I told a story -- one that was shared in confidence to only me. Talk about feeling like a fool. Flowers don't quite cut it when you've just exposed someone else's deepest worry or fear.

My mother thinks I am way too "out there" with my life. I disagree but I will give her this little bit of wiggle room. If the husband or the children hurt me, the people who were on the end of this sad, weepy story immediately want to buy guns and a wood chipper.

This is why I believe in forgiveness. I forget the last day I was perfect. Perhaps it was my birth and I know my perfection didn't last very long. (A howling infant with frog legs was not what my parents had in mind.) Girlfriends who have crushed me are still my great friends. The husband and I have struggled for umpteen years to come to grips with our Type A personalities and choices we've made. Still, I want to roll over and find him there.

I am not a doormat. Forgiveness is a huge part of my heart and soul. It's selfish: it's for me.

But I do have a mean memory.

Gay Marriage

California's recent ruling to allow gay marriage has been in the national news lately. I'm just conservative enough for the word "marriage" between two same sex people to rankle me. I'm just liberal enough to think this is none of my business and why can't they have some of the benefits that are automatic with legal marriage?

One of our city's largest employers recognizes domestic partnerships in terms of benefits, etc. I suspect more and more companies will do the same in coming years. It's a good time to be a lawyer because I am certain that many of these unions will fail and without a legal partnership, people will be suing for what they assume is rightfully theirs.

I don't have the answers. The heterosexual model of marriage has proven to be less than ideal. The statistics are dismal.

As a society, we seem to have surrendered to the idea of a baby or two before marriage as an okay thing. Two people living together is no longer considered living in sin. Divorce isn't shocking. (I'm not judging -- I've done a couple of these things myself.)

I don't understand the fear. What could gay marriage do to this institution that we haven't already done?