Ten Commandments of Dogs

I like this quote:

"The gift I am sending you is a dog, and is in fact the most precious and valuable possession of mankind." Theodorus Gaza

The other day, I had a visit with my dad while we were sitting in a doctor's office. He was lamenting their little, aging and aggressive dog's tendency to bite everyone in her path. He said (and I am not kidding,) "It makes me feel like I'm not a good parent."

As his only child, I thought about reminding him that he was and is a pretty phenomenal parent for me. But we were in dog mode; if I started talking about people stuff, he would not have paid attention.

My dad is the dog lover, although I must give my mother credit. For someone who was afraid of dogs, she let me get one early in my childhood and she has indulged my dad with his need to care for them. The joke is on her because she is now the one that announces to me, "They can't sleep without us." To borrow a phrase from Oprah, my parents do not consider these beings as pets -- they are little people with fur.

A friend sent me the Ten Commandments of Dogs:

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.
5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.
9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.
10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can't bear to watch. Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.

Their dog still bites me. My mother avoids my dog because she is big and jumps. Somehow in the mix, we all own dogs and love them so.

Trying to Talk Yourself Out of Trouble

This photo made me laugh. It is the photo version of my teenage years. The caption was something like, "No, we've been in the truck the whole time."

I've tried to worm my way out of things. Usually, unsuccessfully. It doesn't keep me from trying again.

Here's a few that come to my mind:

We didn't mean for the lights to be off.
We were studying all night; we just left for a second.
I don't know how my car got there... Maybe it was stolen.
I was home by curfew, you just didn't hear me come in.
Yes, some kids got in trouble last night. I don't know them.

My mother and most of the mothers in my childhood should have been in the military. Very few secrets got by them. They were their own version of Homeland Security. But we were a crafty bunch.

Going to the Dogs

Dog love is part of my genetic makeup. I can’t help it. I am crazy about them and there have been very few periods in my life where I didn’t own a dog.

When I was a very little girt (5) I begged my parents for a dog. My mother had a bad experience in her childhood and was definitely not interested in becoming a dog owner. She made a deal with me: If I could find a dog (not a puppy) that was already housebroken, reasonably small and well behaved, I could have it. There was a stray in my grandmother’s neighborhood who met all the criteria. I won! She was probably the best dog ever. She lived until I was in college and by then, my mother was converted. (At one point my parents owned four dogs but now they’re down to two.)

The husband didn’t want a dog when we first got married. He wanted the freedom and flexibility of a pet-free life. So, I sort of tricked him. One day I asked him, “If we were to ever get a dog, what would you get?” He answered and we had a Black Lab puppy within the week. Surprise!

We had her for 12 great years. We spent countless dollars on her. When she died, my friend Abby had to scoop me off the floor of the Vet’s office and take me home.

I let the husband have his way for about a year. I hated every minute of it. I missed walking in the door and being greeted by a big sloppy dog kiss. The house just seemed too clean without dog hair to sweep up. We had many discussions about it. He loved that year – I was miserable. So, once again, I broke the rules. I started investigating new dogs. I corralled the children. “Wouldn’t it be fun to have a new dog?” They (of course) were with me on that, even though they don’t live here anymore.

The husband was adamant that our life is already too full. We’ve got jobs. We’ve have a lot of activity in this house. The oldies don’t like big dogs. A puppy will knock them down. We’ll have to rearrange our schedules to take care of the dog. We can’t afford it. Why would we want to do this? All of my friends have dogs. Whenever possible, we include them. At the lake last week, you couldn't move from one room to another without a pack of four dogs under your feet. When the workout girls go to Phoenix, Big Sal's dogs are there and we happily snuggle with them. We move out of the way so Rudy can have his favorite spot on the sofa.

I got Gabby when she was 7 weeks old. She turned a year old in August. She is crazy about Big Daddy. She annoys the oldies but the mother-in-law spends an inordinate amount of time throwing the tennis ball. The Unabomber just says, “Go away dog!”

Lots of people have expressed feelings about dogs better than I ever could. Here are some of my favorite dog quotes:

"If there is no heaven for dogs, then I want to go where they go when I die."
Anonymous

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
Roger Caras

"I've seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
John Steinbeck

"The reason a dog has so many friends, is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue"
Anonymous

"A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him."
Anonymous

"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."
Samuel Butler

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."
Rita Rudner

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
Billings

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
Andrew A. Rooney

"If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either."
Unknown

"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog."
Edward Hoagland

"No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich."
Louis Sabin

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
Dave Barry

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
Ann Landers

"Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe, we are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made."
Roger Caras

"A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk."
O. A. Battista

"A dog is man's best friend, and vice versa."
Anonymous

"There's just something about dogs that makes you feel good. You come home, they're thrilled to see you. They're good for the ego."
Janet Schnellman

"A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours."
Anonymous

"It's no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk."
Anonymous

"A dog's bark may be worse than his bite, but it's never quite so personal"
Anonymous

"I can train any dog in 5 minutes. It's training the owner that takes longer."
Barbara Woodhouse

"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."
Robert Louis Stevenson

"You can’t keep a good man down -- or an over-affectionate dog."
Anonymous

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
Rita Rudner

"No animal I know of can consistently be more of a friend and companion than a dog."
Stanley Leinwoll

"When most of us talk to our dogs, we tend to forget they're not people."
Julia Glass

"Any time you think you have influence, try ordering around someone else's dog."
The Cockle Bur

"I have caught more ills from people sneezing over me and giving me virus infections than from kissing dogs."
Barbara Woodhouse

My mother thinks I have become one of those weird dog people. You know the type. Sort of like Shirley McClaine's character in Steel Magnolia's. Unfortunately, she's right. I drag my crazy dog everywhere. I'm happiest when she's lying on her pillow in my office or riding shotgun in my car. This is what happens when the children leave home...