Sweet Caroline

Recently, Neil Diamond made it public that his song, "Sweet Caroline" was about Caroline Kennedy. No one has ever written a song about me but I like to pretend that any song that has any version of my name is just for me.

I just heard the news that Sweet Caroline's Uncle Ted Kennedy (Democrat Senator from Mass.) has been diagnosed with aggressive brain cancer. Hasn't this woman been through enough?

Her father was assassinated when she was a small child,
Then her uncle was assassinated,
She had to follow when her mother married Ari, the magnate,
She nursed her mother through cancer,
Her brother and sister-in-law died in a plane crash,
Countless uncles, aunts and cousins have had scandals and untimely deaths.

That just hits a few.

I can't quite get over Chappaquiddick or the rape trial where Ted Kennedy testified on behalf of his nephew, Michael Kennedy Smith. In both situations, I fall in the camp of screaming, "Guilty!"

Regardless of my politics, the Kennedys have been American royalty for my entire life. The Senator has served our country, however he saw fit. I don't wish cancer or disease on any person.

I used to want to be Caroline. I gave up that fantasy. But I hope she knows that there are a bunch of us middle-aged women who have followed her and admired her.

I wish Ted Kennedy recovery. But mainly, I wish Sweet Caroline some well-deserved peace from this roller coaster.

Dysfunction

We (the husband, his brother, the sister-in-law and I) got into a conversation last night about dysfunctional families. There was wine involved.

I've led a pretty cushy life and have wonderful parents and friends. But, just scratch the surface on either side of the gene pool -- you'll find dysfunction.

During this conversation last night, my big fat mouth got ahead of my brain. I said, "Show me the family that isn't dealing with some variation of dysfunction. I'd like to meet them."

We all toasted each other.

Then we decided to put the "fun" back in "dysfunctional." (I wish I knew who said that first -- I love it.)

I Want to Go Too!

One of the things I miss about my old job is the travel. I never thought I would feel this way because most of the business-related travel was to exotic locations like Columbus, OH or Milwaukee, WI. I griped about it constantly.

I've been in or on every size plane, bus, subway, El, and taxi imaginable. My friend (and co-worker at the bank) and I sat in the airport one morning at some ungodly hour, waiting for our flight. We were the only people in the vicinity. When it was time to board, the gate attendant announced our flight over the loud speaker. Finally, I said, "Hello! We're both right here!"

Friends and family share their travel plans. The 5-year old who lives in my brain shouts, "I want to go too!"

Our nephew left this morning. Guess what was running through my mind.

Cousins

My cousins are my siblings. I'm an only child. I need them. I bulldog my way into their lives.

We've never lived in the same state yet I know the highs and lows of their lives. Heaven knows that they know way too much about me.

When I was 12-years old, my parents put me on a plane to visit his sister and family. (My first plane trip. My mom commented to my dad, "I hope she makes it.") I saw the ocean for the first time. I bought white platform shoes -- it was the 70s! A new family emerged. We're all grown now and we still lean on each other. They provide business advice and legal counsel. I provide marketing tips and occasional editing.

We share photos and marvel that this shared and weird history has shaped the people we have become. I may not talk to them often enough but there is not a doubt in my mind that I could pick up the phone and say, "Help!" They would come through. I would turn myself inside out to help any of them.

I have a couple of cousins on the other side of my family. I don't know them at all.

My Definition of Family

As usual, I'm bucking the norm. I don't define family by people who are related by blood. I define them by love.

In this day and age, it's not unusual to deal with step-parents, step-children, half-siblings, exes, and more. I have two children ( not blood-related) that I would put my life on the line for. I have two goddaughters (not blood-related) that I would do anything for -- I do mean anything! It may be a cliche but I would throw myself in front of a bus to save someone I love.

Once upon a time, I was a young girl who was in love with a young man. We did the traditional thing -- date through high school, date through college, get married. Somebody should've smacked us both. I did love this man and I have no doubt that he loved me (at that time.) In a non-threatening way, I will love him until the end of time. I refuse to give up his family. Like a dog with a bone, I horn my way in.

The husband has been married before too. Obviously! This has brought new people into my life that I adore. Exes, friends, ex-siblings ... the list goes on. We're all intertwined. It's complicated, yet interesting.

A few times a year, I have lunch with my first husband's parents. I don't have the vocabulary to describe how much I adore these people. Plus, I totally took their son to the mat and somehow they've forgiven me. When the oldies first moved in, I remember saying I had a lunch date with my in-laws. Let your imagination fly!

I am not blood-related to any of my girlfriends. For those in the circle we've created, there is no flash in my brain that says, "Wait a minute -- they're not family."

The oldies had polar opposite childhoods. He's an only child. She's one of a jillion -- blended family and very close. Together, the oldies produced four boys and now are blessed with 12 grandchildren. Yet, life moves on. Children and grandchildren make the obligatory calls. Well, some do. But the reality is different. Life moves on. I admit, it's painful to watch.
We've navigated the most interesting road.

These are people who have been blessed in traditonal family ties. I think they would be even more blessed if they could expand their definition of "family."