No Privacy

I'm watching two news people discuss the Caylee Anthony case, which continues to get more bizarre. Now they've discovered a heart sticker on the child's remains. The reporter is discussing the dream team of attorneys and forensic experts assembled for the defense and throws into the mix, " ... the Anthonys are deeply in debt." Probably the death of their granddaughter and the charges facing their daughter are top of mind. When the dust settles, will it really be necessary for the general public to know this factoid about their finances?

If you've ever made a late payment or missed a debt, you know what it's like to be tracked down like a dog. If you've been married before, creditors call anyone and everyone remotely associated with you, your exes, their exes, parents, etc. I recently received some junk mail for -- get this -- my husband's exwife's exhusband. This was just a stupid leaflet but I'm sure we've all received calls and mail for each other. Once a name or address changes on a document, anyone with access to your credit report can look up all kinds of information.

Remember the childhood threat of "Don't do that -- it will go on your permanent record." It's true; it just wasn't explained very well.

Facebook and other social networking sites allow us to connect but they also steal a bit of our privacy. I belong to some but I'm leery. I cringe at some of the things I see while browsing these sites. I'm a little "out there" with this blog but it's nothing incriminating to me or others. So what if you learn that I've lived my entire 40s with oldies. It's true and it's part of my permanent record.

Speaking of privacy, there is none for my oldies either. I know who's up in the middle of the night. I know all medical issues and medications partly because I"m nosy and partly because we discuss everything incessantly. I know when it's naptime because I walk around by myself, look at the clock and think, "Seriously?" (It's kind of like kindergarten when you could be happily coloring or playing a game and the teacher would announce, "Get your sleepy mat -- it's time to lie down." That always annoyed me.) Now I get frustrated because I never learned to nap. I can barely sleep at night.

Of course, my oldies know far more about me than they would like.

Please Write it Down

I am never at a loss for a pen or pencil.  There are usually several living in my hair.  If you start to give me information that may prove important, I immediately write it down.People are catching on to me.  I selected the Father's Day menu and called the fish market.  As soon as I said, "Do you have a pen?." he said, "Hi Mrs. Roman."

Standing in line in the grocery while the cashier and the bagging person discuss their various sex lives is not my idea of a good time.  If they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" more than one time, I feel the need to write it down and send them a note.

I also like to ask people to repeat information back to me.  It doesn't matter if I'm ordering a pizza or scheduling a charity event.  You would not believe how many people get offended at this.  I figure I'm saving us all a bunch of time and money if we just get it right the first time.I went to pick up my order at the fish market.  The nice young man behind the counter asked me if I remembered what I ordered.  Voila!  My list.  His boss (who is younger than most of my towels) came out and said, "You must be Mrs. Roman."

Well, I'm one of them.  I'm the anal one.

Time Flies

Last night I was supposed to meet a few of the golf widows. Their husbands are on the same trip as Big Daddy. I was iffy about it because the weather was crummy and I get nervous driving on sleet and snow. Idiot Sheri came into play and said, "Go." So, I went and I'm glad I did.

While I was trying to find these friends, I ran into at least five people that I know. (Yes, one of them was probably your ex.) I ran into one of my wives-in-law. Why are all these people out on such a crazy weather night?

One person who I had not seen in years gave me a gigantic hug and then had to take a call from his daughter. I know his ex-wife. I remember when they called with the news that they were expecting twins. I have vivid memories of her baby shower and visiting when the babies were newborns. Their babies are now 12-years old. Time flies.

Do you ever hear a song on the radio and then the DJ will tell you the name of the group and the year? If I'm singing along, chances are it's an oldie. But when they announce the year, I'm usually taken aback. Time flies.

It's been a month since the Belle died. Time flies whether you're having fun or not.

Exes

If you live in my city and I have known you for any length of time, chances are that I run into your ex.

It doesn't have to be an ex-spouse. Many times it's someone you dated. And trust me, that person wants to ask about you.

Big Daddy's exes are my wives-in-law so running into each other is not a problem. We plan it. We look forward to it.

People slip into a comfortable vocabulary, i.e. "my ex-husband or my ex-boyfriend." Does that negate the rest of the relations? Are they ex-stepchildren? Do brothers and sisters-in-laws become exes? It can get quirky. I need the relationship with my first in-laws. Big Daddy is still very close to his brother-in-law from his first marriage. The legal status may change but the love does not.

Several years ago, we went to hear my (ex)brother-in-law perform. We do this several times a year. I was standing in line for the restroom and a lady asked me how I knew the family. I answered, "I am family." It completely freaked her out. Some people live a much more sheltered life than I do.

The Real Wife

Some of us have been married more than once. It may not be something to be proud of but in my case (and the husband's) it's built a little character. There were lessons to be learned and I tried to pay attention.

Many years ago, a bunch of my college friends got together. People flew in from all over the country because this was our group. People were sharing photos of new children and spouses we'd never met. The man I married first was there and he and his wife had just married. Someone asked her, "Is this your first marriage?" Her husband, (my ex) said, "This is her only marriage."

It did not hurt my feelings. I thought it was classy. I wanted to pull her in a corner and say, "Aren't you blessed?"

I still keep in touch with his parents. Occasionally, I call or email him if something has happened to one of our college friends. His mother celebrated a big birthday last year; the husband and I were included. They took a huge family photo out on the porch and insisted that we were included.

She is his real wife. I was the starter package.

My Definition of Family

As usual, I'm bucking the norm. I don't define family by people who are related by blood. I define them by love.

In this day and age, it's not unusual to deal with step-parents, step-children, half-siblings, exes, and more. I have two children ( not blood-related) that I would put my life on the line for. I have two goddaughters (not blood-related) that I would do anything for -- I do mean anything! It may be a cliche but I would throw myself in front of a bus to save someone I love.

Once upon a time, I was a young girl who was in love with a young man. We did the traditional thing -- date through high school, date through college, get married. Somebody should've smacked us both. I did love this man and I have no doubt that he loved me (at that time.) In a non-threatening way, I will love him until the end of time. I refuse to give up his family. Like a dog with a bone, I horn my way in.

The husband has been married before too. Obviously! This has brought new people into my life that I adore. Exes, friends, ex-siblings ... the list goes on. We're all intertwined. It's complicated, yet interesting.

A few times a year, I have lunch with my first husband's parents. I don't have the vocabulary to describe how much I adore these people. Plus, I totally took their son to the mat and somehow they've forgiven me. When the oldies first moved in, I remember saying I had a lunch date with my in-laws. Let your imagination fly!

I am not blood-related to any of my girlfriends. For those in the circle we've created, there is no flash in my brain that says, "Wait a minute -- they're not family."

The oldies had polar opposite childhoods. He's an only child. She's one of a jillion -- blended family and very close. Together, the oldies produced four boys and now are blessed with 12 grandchildren. Yet, life moves on. Children and grandchildren make the obligatory calls. Well, some do. But the reality is different. Life moves on. I admit, it's painful to watch.
We've navigated the most interesting road.

These are people who have been blessed in traditonal family ties. I think they would be even more blessed if they could expand their definition of "family."