A Friendship Story

In The Big Chill, there's a scene where the group of friends is reflecting on their friendship. One of of them says, "It's no surprise that our friendship could survive that (referring to their youth) -- it's out here that it gets tough."

The four girls in this photo have survived our childhood friendship with each other for over 3 decades. And this weekend, we have set aside a few days for our girlfriend reunion. Deb, Jan and I have done this for eons -- some years more than others. For the first time, our friend Lynn will also join us. We lost contact with Lynn for a while and are now making up for lost time.

It's not fair to give them labels but I'm going to do it anyway.

Lynn is the funny one. As young girls, she was also the brave one. I never know what will come out of her mouth. Last night she told me she was so excited about this weekend, she felt like "a d**k on a date." Not quite the phrase I would have chosen but I'm equally excited.

Deb is the serene one. People might think she's shy or quiet but she's not. She's just smart enough to assess people and situations to avoid putting her foot in her mouth. Under the surface is the teenager I remember. We all revert to high school when we gather.

Jan wears her heart on her sleeve. She would've made a great Miss America -- her passions have always been children and animals. (Plus I"m pretty sure she wants world peace too.) She also holds the unenviable position of the first person I call for almost any crisis or disaster -- real or imagined.

We all have a little bit of crossover. We can all be funny but we're not quite as "out there" as Lynn. We all have a hesitant or shy side but I'm not sure we do it with Deb's studious style. We all try to be kind but we won't measure up to Jan. We shouldn't even try.

My oldies are a little paranoid. They have heard me talk of these reunions for years and they know no topic or question is off limits. They are convinced that we might discuss them a bit. Hmmm ...

So, I toast my golden friends as I count the days until I get to spend a little while in celebration of love and laughter.

Resolutions

It's 2009. Did you make resolutions?

In years past, I attended a New Year's Eve party with friends and at some point during the evening, everyone was to list a resolution for him or herself (unsigned) and drop it in the hat. After midnight, we read them aloud and guessed who resolved what. Lots of the people at the parties were extremely creative types and it made the game more fun.

New Year's does not usually feel like a fresh start to me. Even though I'm a few decades past school age, the back-to-school time always gives me that feeling. But this year is different in good and awful ways. So with that frame of mind, I'm making a few resolutions that I will keep private and I'm making a list that I will share:

1. I may cut back in other food groups but I will eat ice cream anytime I feel like it.

2. Laughter is contagious and I will be a carrier.

3. Instead of feeling weird when faced with that married/single/divorced option on forms, if I check "Divorced" I may add, "AGAIN!"

4. I will not let the awkwardness of being a fifth wheel keep me from gatherings.

5. I will happily say no to things I do not wish to do. No excuses. I'm just not going to do it, thank you for asking.

6. If someone asks me a nosy question, I will remind myself that I am under no obligation to answer.

7. I will guard my reputation in situations I can control. I will be at peace with my character by the decisions I control. What I can't control, I will let go.

8. I will not assume the best about people who have taken the time and energy to show me their worst.

9. I will remember that no one knows me better than me so it's probably best if I speak for myself.

10. With the exception of black pants, black skirts and white shirts, I will remind myself that owning two (or more) of certain things is excessive. (Sorry, no one can own too many black pants.)

11. I will not look in the mirror at my lines with dismay. I will say, "I laughed and I cried. I have earned these wisdom lines -- many with an awful cost. Hi me! Let's see what adventures we can have this year."

12. I will embrace the road ahead of me while hugging the bumps that led me here.

13. I will never again again think I have the power to change someone.

14. I will volunteer more.

15. I will approach conflicting opinions with an open mind. Convince me. Show me what I have not considered. If you can do it with humor, you are guaranteed my attention.

2009 is a blank slate, ripe with opportunity. Happy New Year.

Volunteering for Others

Our minister has quite a sense of humor. I love it that he can make me laugh and still move me in a sermon. My mother once made the mistake of telling him that she does not enjoy the "meet and greet" during the service. She's done her meetin' and greetin' before entering the sanctuary or she will catch them afterwards. Yesterday he announced, "Just for Sandy, let's get up and greet our neighbors." He found this funny and so did I. Of course, she was the first person he walked toward.

She has a running joke with our pastor that she will do a lot for the church but she does not like to be front and center; she prefers to be behind the scenes. He's constantly threatening to call her during the week and assign her to be liturgist for the next Sunday.

We're in the season of Advent and like many churches, we light the appropriate candles each Sunday. It may be a single person, a couple, a family -- whomever. As we were leaving church yesterday morning, he said to the three of us, "We still need someone for the Advent candle next Sunday." Before she could kill me (and she would never do that in church) I said, "Sure, we'll do it."

Now I have been assigned the family duty of deciding who lights the candles and who recites which lines.

Later we went to an open house and I think our minister had a little smirk on his face. As usual, I'm in trouble.

Bad Advice

The Baby is moving into the fraternity house. I went to college; I've seen a few parties in my life.

Last night we spent some quality time together while the husband was messing with the music and packing for his trip. Most moms would reinforce the necessity to study, be responsible, keep your ethics, etc.

After I hugged him to death, told him how very proud I am and smothered him with kisses, I had this advice:

If a party gets out of control, jump out a window and run like the wind.
If you don't know what's in it, don't drink it.
If a girl passes out, don't have sex with her.
Don't wear a toga without a lot of safety pins and clean underwear.

I hope you realize this is our quirky sense of humor.

My gift was one statement. The baby said, "I think you've raised me better than that."

Health Scares

I don't like health-related scares. I realize that is a ridiculous sentence -- no one does. Although, Hangdog used to love to dream up symptoms and find any excuse to go to the doctor or the emergency room. Some were real and some were imaginary but I often wondered if this is an old person's version of a social life.

The goldies weekend is in full swing and a lot of our questions seem to come back to health and body: ours, our spouses, our parents, etc. Some of our parents are alarmists, others are secret keepers until the crisis is over. My parents are not secret keepers but they often don't give me full disclosure. I see and talk to my parents A LOT more than the other girls. It's kind of hard for us to keep too much from each other.

But my parents also know, I go immediately to "Jump in and fix it" mode. If there's a medical issue at hand, I have my doctor on speed dial. I will call every person I know in the medical field. I will have a list of the best specialist and the quacks that you shouldn't take your bird to. And if it's necessary, I WILL get you in to see the right person. (I'm very polite about it.)

We're not obsessed with it but I admit to some comfort in knowing my body is not doing anything that they are not also experiencing. There's a sisterhood in knowing that they also lose sleep when their husband is stressed or their parents have a scare.

Plus, our wacky senses of humor come through. One of us can be describing some non-life- threatening but disgusting ailment or disease. Instead of getting somber and sympathetic, we tend to burst into laughter.

Every little bit helps.

Humor

Humor is selective, don't you think? Lots of people (including some of my friends) do not understand when and/or why I find something hysterically funny.

"Mean" has been called more than once. I let it pass.

When there's some interesting story on the news about a man that survived a bowling ball crashing through his windshield, I will laugh. Once the oldies were safe and I thought about our neighbor saying, "Someone's grandpa is on the loose," I laughed a lot.

I don't like racist or ethnic jokes but crude jokes will make me laugh.

My mother and the husband can make me laugh more than anyone. I have actually fallen out of bed with both of them (not at the same time -- we're not that weird) from laughing too hard.

I often joke that the husband would bring a date to my funeral. No one likes this joke but me. I think he would be classy enough to leave her in the car.

If this situation should ever come to pass, I hope she can outrun my girlfriends and I hope she has a great sense of humor.