Happiness Guilt

How weird is this? I am beating myself up for being happy. My life is in shambles yet, I have peace of mind and joy in my heart.

Then I feel guilty for not being miserable.

Many people who know a portion or even all of my current problems ask me, "How are you?" with that Oh-You-Poor-Dear tone of voice. I probably sound ridiculous when I answer, "Great!"

For the first time in years, I like the person in my mirror. I am truly excited about the choices before me -- even the dreadfully difficult ones. I am strong and I like it. I just need to work on the guilt part.

Self Esteem

Life everyting else that requires nurturing, if neglected or allowed to happen. your self esteem will erode. It's bit by bit, a process so slight (and slightly devious) that you don't realize it until the bottom falls out from under you.

Welcome to bottomville!

In the last couple of days I found a piece of my self-esteem and I'm holding on to it for dear life. I've looked in the mirror and seen the woman that can laugh, cherish and love. I've also experienced kindness that is above and beyond the call of duty.

I will spare you the gory details out of respect for others but needless to say, I have a rocky road ahead. I forgot that you should get out of bed and look forward to the day ahead instead of dreading what may lie before you.

I vow to never forget again. The blog is not ending, just taking a turn in a new direction. At least the title makes sense again -- I am living with my oldies -- just not the same ones.