Happiness Guilt

How weird is this? I am beating myself up for being happy. My life is in shambles yet, I have peace of mind and joy in my heart.

Then I feel guilty for not being miserable.

Many people who know a portion or even all of my current problems ask me, "How are you?" with that Oh-You-Poor-Dear tone of voice. I probably sound ridiculous when I answer, "Great!"

For the first time in years, I like the person in my mirror. I am truly excited about the choices before me -- even the dreadfully difficult ones. I am strong and I like it. I just need to work on the guilt part.

Know When to Hold 'em

I was pretty broken hearted to learn that the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus were living in the bedroom next door. I like denial so I put off reality as long as I possibly could.

My heart has been broken by more than one boy or man. Some things are not meant to be. Some things don't ring true. I try to learn the lesson.

People act like friendships are the easiest things in the world. They're not. Hi hi, kiss kiss friendships are easy. Actually, that's not friendship. It's being an acquaintance. Friendships involve knowing your faults, knowing your parents and children, knowing the disaster of your financial situation or a marriage on the cusp of disaster. It's not easy. Just like a marriage or any other relationship you've chosen, they require commitment, dedication and a strong dose of faith. It's a choice to fold 'em or hold 'em.

You can't divorce your parents or your children. You can surrender a pet but I truly hope you are not one of those people. You can resign from a client. When it comes to friends, all options are open. I've been way, way too obsessed with my own issues, my oldies and my life that I forgot to look around. I've let some people down.

I'm on a mission to fix it. I choose to hold 'em.

Thinking About Tomorrow

I usually read novels when I go on a trip. But last year, I picked up a book, "Thinking About Tomorrow -- Reinventing Yourself at Midlife." The author is Susan Crandell. I read it on a plane and put it aside.

It's haunting me.

We all need to evaluate and make sure the choices we made yesterday still work for us today. So, I am trying to do that and it's hard. I can't figure out how I blinked and the daughter is grown and thriving in another part of the country. I can't figure out how the toddler who used to snuggle with me is grown and off to college, with bigger adventures to come. I can't comprehend that we just buried the Belle. I can't get over the sadness of Hangdog in the Home. He hates it and I hate it for him, yet, it is the only solution we seem to find.

There's a blank page in front of me. The decisions are mine and mine alone. The husband has dreams and aspirations. He thinks I've lost mine but they're still there.

I guess that's the dance of marriage.

Choices for the Day

Today, I choose to be happy, be grateful and find humor in situations where I might have resorted to anger or frustration.

Today, I choose to see the blessings in my household instead of asking the oldies, "what are you going to do today?' and then smirking when they say, "Nothing."

Today, I choose to be supportive instead of judgemental.

Today, I choose to see the rainbow instead of the rain.

As Scarlett O'Hara said, "After all, tomorrow is another day." I'll keep you posted.

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

I try not to wallow in the should have, could have phases of my life. Occasionally, someone will remind you of some stupid decision you made and you have to either laugh or cry.

Actually, I have more regrets about things I didn't do than the ones I did.

What is going on with this week or this month? All around me, people are making decisions that I think are short-sighted and wrong. I am very close to super-gluing my mouth shut. No one is asking my opinion -- but they will.

I am never the smartest person in the room. (Well, at the moment I am the only person in this room so I guess technically I am.) But, if they gave out prizes for the most opinionated, I would win that competition or come in second to Big Daddy.

So, I'm watching this flurry of activity within my household and with some of my friends. Even when I disagree with their choices, I remind myself that some of my missteps seemed like a good idea at the time.