When is it ok to tell?

When someone tells me something in confidence, I keep the secret. Oh, I've messed up a few times but mainly because I didn't realize it was supposed to be private. I have hung onto some nuggets with my tongue clamped between my teeth and a serious need for duct tape.

I usually ask if it's OK to share with the husband. If the answer is no, I don't do it. If the secret is coming from the husband, I usually ask if I can tell my parents. (I have to have someone to talk to.) I also ask, "Who else knows?" I'm big on perspective of the whole picture.

My one rule about secrets is this:
If someone is endangering his or her life, health or sanity, all bets are off.

I don't keep a lot of secrets about myself. But, if something is really festering, I may choose not to talk about it for awhile. People know to let me brood -- I will tell them in due time.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she made an off-hand remark: "That's why I never disclose anything." She doesn't. I understand the fear of getting hurt or embarrassed but sometimes sharing is the quickest road to recovery -- even when the advice isn't what you want to hear.

Actual Sentences Said to Me

This has been a weird year and we're only three quarters of the way through it.

It started in January when the Belle made it clear, in actions and in words, that she was done. She wanted to die and I believe she willed herself to die.

The Captain was a lost sailor without her. He would often tell me or the husband that he wanted to die. He did.

A friend told me that she's reevaluating her life and doesn't need friends.

My father said he wasn't feeling well. In my opinion, he was receiving inadequate medical care. I jumped in and now I'm sure my parents want to knock me out of the way.

The husband told me the other night that we need a new adventure. I'm not sure what planet he comes from but my life is already an adventure. I want him healthy and happy. I want my parents healthy. I want the baby to excel in college. I want my girlfriends to be able to take a deep breath without worrying about children, parents, grandchildren, etc.

Someone said to me, "I don't like your husband sometimes." If there's a person that you like 100 percent, all the time -- my bet is that you don't know that person very well.

Know When to Hold 'em

I was pretty broken hearted to learn that the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus were living in the bedroom next door. I like denial so I put off reality as long as I possibly could.

My heart has been broken by more than one boy or man. Some things are not meant to be. Some things don't ring true. I try to learn the lesson.

People act like friendships are the easiest things in the world. They're not. Hi hi, kiss kiss friendships are easy. Actually, that's not friendship. It's being an acquaintance. Friendships involve knowing your faults, knowing your parents and children, knowing the disaster of your financial situation or a marriage on the cusp of disaster. It's not easy. Just like a marriage or any other relationship you've chosen, they require commitment, dedication and a strong dose of faith. It's a choice to fold 'em or hold 'em.

You can't divorce your parents or your children. You can surrender a pet but I truly hope you are not one of those people. You can resign from a client. When it comes to friends, all options are open. I've been way, way too obsessed with my own issues, my oldies and my life that I forgot to look around. I've let some people down.

I'm on a mission to fix it. I choose to hold 'em.