Horoscope for Today

"It feels as though there was only one decision to make, and you made it."

This was my horoscope in today's paper. Hmmmm.

I don't really believe in horoscopes but I continue to read it every day. Usually, I think they're so vague that you can twist the message to fit almost any circumstances. But every once in a while it hits home.

When Cosmetic Surgery Goes Awry

In the last few days I've caught glimpses of two men who I used to consider very handsome. They now look like caricatures of their former selves. I don't know the names of Tony Curtis' or Tom Jones' plastic surgeons but don't go to him or her. I also used to think Meg Ryan was positively darling and she's had some freaky stuff done to her face also. And we can't forget the resident Queen of Plastic Surgery Freakland -- Joan Rivers.

Many years ago, a friend told me the optimum age to begin "refreshing" your face was right around age 40. (A deadline that blew by me several years ago.) I think she still gets annual tweaks because she continues to look fresh and younger than her years. Andrea Mitchell, the NBC correspondent, must have a great surgeon. She looks rested and natural instead of stretched and perpetually alarmed.

Like most women, I am just vain enough to wish to appear younger than my years. Lotions and potions are going to have to do the trick for me.

I thought the late actress Jessica Tandy (Driving Miss Daisy) was beautiful well into her 80s. Same with Katharine Hepburn. If they managed to age gracefully, I can attempt it too.

She Went That Way!

Once again, life has come full circle. I am living with my parents in the neighborhood I grew up in. It is a temporary arrangement so I'm soaking up every second of it. Many of my childhood neighbors still live here. Most of the children that I ran around with still come over to visit their parents so I get to see them too.

I've always had good neighbors and the house I shared with the husband was no exception. It was just a different kind of neighborly. In that house, I could walk on the patio and no one could see me. Here, I am regularly greeted by one of the next-door neighbors across the fence.

The other day I forgot to put Gabby's invisible fence collar on her and I also left the gate open. As she darted, the friend across the street opened her front door and yelled, "She went that way!"

Someone backed out of her driveway and hit a neighbor's car parked on the street. How do I know this? I saw neighbors gathering out front so I grabbed my glass of wine and ventured over to find out what was going on. That's how we do it here.

The lady across the street has watched me grow up and I have been attending the same church with her for many years. She has noticed my car so the other day during the meet and greet portion of the service, she gave me a hug and said, "Welcome back neighbor."

I'm comforted here. Not just by the obvious love and support from my oldies but from neighbors and friends who look out for each other and have been doing it for decades.

Gobble Gobble

Here's a really cool thing when your doctor tells you to gain some weight. We are headed into prime, over-the-top eating season. This usually gags me beyond repair but for the first time in years, I want it all.

Gobble Gobble and Happy Thanksgiving!

If I Were a Boy

I was watching Beyonce perform on The Today Show this morning. I know who she is because I see her picture in People Magazine all the time. But, I admit to an unfamiliarity with her music. One of the songs she sang was "If I Were a Boy." It was as if someone knocked me over. Here are a few snippets of the lyrics:

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man.

And ...

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted.

At this point you're probably thinking that I'm reflecting on my own personal relationships. Of course that's a factor but it goes much beyond that.

I know some amazing and honorable men. Men who don't cheat, don't verbally or physically abuse anyone. Men who treat their wives, mothers, daughters, friends and employees with kindness and respect -- even if the women are stupid enough to provoke them.

I also know some cads. Some of them are lovable cads and frankly, since I'm not married to them, I don't really care what they do as long as they treat me with respect.

A few times I have been accused of wanting to be a man. I've never quite grasped that. Does that mean I want to be paid the same as a male colleague doing the same job? Guilty. Does that mean I feel my opinion should carry as much weight as the men in the room? Guilty.

I don't want to be a man. I'm pretty strong but I'm still a girly-girl at heart. To paraphrase Beyonce:

You're just a boy.
I would be a better man.

Adjustments

Before I get all gushy and goofy about the kindness of my oldies, I will share this with you. I'm convinced they lie in bed at night and say to each other, "And exactly why did we decide to have this child?"

In a few short days, I have managed to:

Disrupt their household and routines.

Rearrange furniture and wag my finger at things. The motion means, "That's gotta go."

Completely traumatize their little dogs with my little pony.

Lock myself out because it took me a while to understand the Ft. Knox system. That includes setting off the alarm.

Maybe I'm adjusting too well. The other night they had plans with friends. Although I was invited, I chose to stay and continue digging through paperwork and have them bring me a sandwich. I have adjusted to eating dinner at 5:00 so around 5:30, I started thinking, "Where is my sandwich?"

Puddles

Yesterday was one of those gray, rainy days. I was irritated because rain or any kind of moisture does weird things to my hair. Hey, your life can be in shambles but in certain moments it all comes down to your hair.

Then, the sun came out and we had a few puddles around. As a child, I was not the splash-through-the-muddy-water kind of girl. Too bad for me. It might have taught me that life if full of muddy waters. Instead of pretending the puddle isn't there, maybe I would've learned to jump right in and deal with the dirt and muck.

Forgive this horrible analogy: I am now the puddle. For my entire life I have been able to be reduced to a puddle of laughter or a puddle of tears. (Isn't the earth 90% water? I am also.)

Puddles force you to choose. You can walk around. You can splash through. You can step over. Call me "Puddles" because no one is pushing through or stepping over.