Another Example of Why I Hate Birds

(Photo: MSN.com)

In case you missed an earlier post on my fear and loathing of birds, I'll recap. My crazy grandmother insisted birds were evil. She was superstitious. For example, she believed someone close to you would die if a bird gets in your house. Hitchcock's movie "The Birds" didn't help but most of the blame falls to my grandmother.

(Toward the end of her life she actually owned a bird and would answer the door with the bird perched on her head. I have yet to reconcile this in my mind.)

Occasionally I can admire the beauty of your feathered friends from the safety of indoors but that's about it. I have had complete hysterical attacks if a bird gets close to me on a beach. Someone once asked me to go on a hike with her so we could experience bird watching. She did not know me well and I did not go.

Last week I watched in amazement as the survivors of the US Air plane that crash landed in the Hudson were rescued. It was a miracle and the pilot, Chesley Sullenberger (Sully), is truly a hero.

Of all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, fear of flying does not make the list. "Cross check and call forward" is one of my favorite phrases. I have flown in commercial planes and private planes, teeny planes and jumbo jets. I flew the day they opened the skies after 9/11. (Yes, I looked for terrorists -- as if I would know how to identify one.)

Even with the bird threat, I would get on a plane today. But I will never take a hike to watch birds.

China and crystal

If there is a fire or a natural disaster, what would you grab? Other than the obvious of getting your family and pets to safety, most people choose photos or other collectibles.

I want my china and crystal. I want the bowls my grandmother and Aunt Judy gave me. I have an obscene and bizarre attachment to my dishes. The Old Country Roses collection is my favorite. Second to that would be my Lenox Christmas collection. I also have a 12-days of Christmas dessert collection. I have a set of plain white china rimmed in gold that I got at Pottery Barn. I have a set of plain white china rimmed in silver that I use whenever somebody feels like polishing the flatware.

As I learned this weekend, lots of people have duplicate photos of our family and friends.

I would go for my dishes. And, of course, my laptop.

I do realize someone is now going to think I am obsessed with possessions. Not really -- just dishes.

Friday the 13th

My crazy grandmother would not leave her house on Friday the 13th. She believed in many curses and superstitions. I tell myself that I'm not superstitious. But there's a little paranoia that creeps in.

I don't walk under ladders and I don't open an umbrella indoors. I like black cats but I get a little nervous when they cross my path. Birds are creepy to me; a bird in the house makes something fire in my brain -- someone is going to die. Thanks Grandma.

You can talk yourself into anything. I'm a prime example but that's a different post.

Kamikazi Birds

Birds are a sign of evil, at least that's what my wacky grandmother taught me. Then, she ended up owning a pet bird later in life. She would let Petie fly around her apartment and land on her head or arm. Go figure.

We have a tree in our back yard that produces some sort of wild berry. This is time of year when the berries ferment and fall. The birds go crazy eating them and then they get confused (or drunk) and fly repeatedly into windows. Bang! Sometimes they can shake it off and fly away. Other times, they bash their little heads and they die in my yard. Gabby thinks this is great fun so I must deal with their corpses. This causes me to squeal. I'm always hopeful houseboy is here or my dad will show up when I'm faced with this situation. Yes, I am a wimp.

But, when I have to do it, I can.