Another Example of Why I Hate Birds

(Photo: MSN.com)

In case you missed an earlier post on my fear and loathing of birds, I'll recap. My crazy grandmother insisted birds were evil. She was superstitious. For example, she believed someone close to you would die if a bird gets in your house. Hitchcock's movie "The Birds" didn't help but most of the blame falls to my grandmother.

(Toward the end of her life she actually owned a bird and would answer the door with the bird perched on her head. I have yet to reconcile this in my mind.)

Occasionally I can admire the beauty of your feathered friends from the safety of indoors but that's about it. I have had complete hysterical attacks if a bird gets close to me on a beach. Someone once asked me to go on a hike with her so we could experience bird watching. She did not know me well and I did not go.

Last week I watched in amazement as the survivors of the US Air plane that crash landed in the Hudson were rescued. It was a miracle and the pilot, Chesley Sullenberger (Sully), is truly a hero.

Of all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, fear of flying does not make the list. "Cross check and call forward" is one of my favorite phrases. I have flown in commercial planes and private planes, teeny planes and jumbo jets. I flew the day they opened the skies after 9/11. (Yes, I looked for terrorists -- as if I would know how to identify one.)

Even with the bird threat, I would get on a plane today. But I will never take a hike to watch birds.

Dancing Queen

Dancing is part of my soul. I'm not good at it but I don't care. It brings me great joy. I dance at parties. I danced in ballet and theater groups. I dance on counters. My favorite times with the husband are when we dance on the patio.

I rarely give opinions about recent movies because I rarely go the movie theater. This has been a banner summer -- I've been twice.

While at the lake, a gaggle of girlfriends and acquaintances (11 of us!) traded in a gray and drizzly day for dinner and a movie. The vote was unanimous, Mamma Mia. Mixed reviews had come from all sides, the media, people I know who had seen it, etc. I knew I would love the music and I was happy for the theater experience. They could just put Pierce Brosnan on the screen for two hours and I would eat popcorn and be a happy lady. I'm also a big fan of Meryl Streep and Colin Firth.

See it. Better yet, see it with some girlfriends. Sing along. The movie is great but for extra fun, the song routines during the credits had eleven women singing at the screen and waving our arms.

There is a little part of me that is a "Dancing Queen."

Sex and The City

Yesterday, as part of our goldies weekend, we went to the movies. This is a huge treat for me. I generally go to the theater two or three times a year. The husband doesn't enjoy it and I always feel a little guilty about all the things that need my attention.

I used to go to the movies all the time so I guess it was my lifestyle changes in the past few years that changed that habit.

But, during our girls' weekend, guilt is not allowed. So we went to see "Sex and the City." One friend had already seen it but she was gung-ho to see it again. Another had never seen the series so she was afraid she wouldn't get it. Like a trouper, she went along. We loved it.

I did watch the series and although it occasionally made me squirm, I loved so many things:

The fifth lady -- New York City -- my favorite!

The clothing and accessories -- I do not aspire to own Blanik shoes but it's fun to watch others who do.

Their dates -- I have been married the entire time this series was on the air so I could live vicariously through their escapades and usually was very grateful to not be in that situation.

Their sense of empowerment: Whether it was jobs or men, these women were not looking for someone to save them.

Their age: These women are roughly my age. Even with their different lifestyles, I still identified with them.

Their friendship: They weren't afraid to confess failures and quirks. With all the juggling, if a girlfriend needs something -- it jumps high on the list.

It was fun to watch. It was especially touching to see it with two women who have seen me through it all.

Like Peas and Carrots

Some things just go together:

Peanut butter and jelly
Little boys and a dirty dog smell
Teenage girls and an attitude
Girlfriends and laughter
Movies and popcorn
Chips and salsa
Childhood and lightening bugs

Forrest Gump said he and Jenny went together like peas and carrots. The movie was on the other night and I thought about the Captain (Hangdog) and the Belle. They went together like peas and carrots.

The husband refuses to eat peas. He thinks they're stupid. I'm not crazy about raw carrots. Maybe opposites do attract. If peas or carrots is the issue of the day, I think we''re having a good day.

Taco Night

A friend of mine used to tape her favorite shows during the week. (This was before Tivo and similar contraptions.) Then Friday night became Taco and Tape Night. I tried it and it failed on a couple of levels:

Homemade tacos don't appeal to the husband. He'd rather go out and his choice is never tacos.
We rarely agree on TV shows or movies (although we do enjoy the ones where one spouse tries to off the other one.)

I tried it once with the oldies. The Belle had great fun. Hangdog hated it. So, I gave up.

The husband landed in Florida this morning and is enjoying 70+ degree temperatures. I'm sure there's a golf club in his hand. I am headed for a mad dash to the grocery for various things. Then I will have my own personal Taco and movie night. Later, I might read a bit. I might curl up with the dog. I might listen to music. I'm giddy with options.

And the husband thinks he's on vacation!

Surprisingly Upbeat!

Did you ever see that movie, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days? It's completely a chick flick and I love it.

She's a writer and he's in marketing -- both fields I have dipped a toe in -- and the premise is ridiculous but it's fun to watch.

Here's my favorite part. As they pitch stories or ideas to the editor in charge, everything is very morose or maudlin, "but surprisingly upbeat!"

I'm in touch.

The Only White People

I rarely take time to go out to the movies. I prefer watching something at home, on my own timetable, usually wearing my bathrobe and a glass of wine at hand.

This is a banner year. I've seen two movies in the theater, both times with my mother and Aunt Judy. Several weeks ago, we saw "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?" Then, we saw, "This Christmas." Both are very funny yet also heartwarming. Both have universal appeal. Both have predominant or entire African American casts.

In both cases, we were the only Caucasian people in the theater.

The marketing people are on to this. Every movie trailer was African American casts. (Yes, I understand target marketing.) None of the mainstream blockbusters scheduled for holiday release were even previewed. Didn't segregation end?

I may or may not find time for another movie this year but if I do, it will be one of the ones I saw previewed during these showings.

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

I love Dr. Seuss. There was a point in my life that I could recite Green Eggs and Ham from memory. For a while, it was one of the baby's favorite bedtime books, along with The Very Bad Bunny.(This is not Dr. Seuss but it's a good one.)

Thanksgiving is next week and the Christmas ads and catalogs are already plentiful. Unless you are hibernating in a cave, you know the holiday season is upon us. Here's what I love: the husband and I negotiated years ago that I can only begin the Christmas music in the house on the day after Thanksgiving. But, he can't control what I listen to in the car or in my office. I love putting up the tree with the exception of the year I had to move it three times. I love the parties, even when I'm exhausted. Most of all, I love the cheesy Christmas movies and specials:

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
It's a Wonderful Life
Miracle on 34th Street
A Christmas Story
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Frosty the Snowman
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
A Christmas Carol
Scrooged

My favorite is How The Grinch Stole Christmas. I've loved it since childhood but it has taken on new meaning because I live with the Grinch.

Last year, the Unabomber made a short appearance on Christmas Eve during our annual party. He did not get out of bed on Christmas Day, even though his granddaughter was here from Texas and the rest of the family was gathered around the tree. I got a serious attitude. The husband advised me to let it go and for that day, I took the advice but now the holidays are here so I have to remind myself again.

Before the oldies lived with us, I used that bedroom as Christmas Central. I piled presents and stocking stuffers. All of a sudden, it was the day before Christmas Eve and I was overwhelmed. My friend, Mickey, came over. We sat on the floor, popped movies and Christmas tapes in the VCR and wrapped all of the gifts. It was one of the most fun afternoons of my life.

I may live with the Grinch but he's not going to steal Christmas.

Junk Food

Junk food is not my thing, with the possible exception of potato chips. Even with chips, I eat them with a sandwich. I do not plant myself in front of the television with an open bag.

Fast food is not my favorite but I spent a lot of time in McDonald's when the baby went crazy for chicken McNuggets and the play area. I must admit that I will have a Big Mac or an egg McMuffin on a road trip. but I never eat the entire thing.

The husband and I are not hung up on a big dinner. We might go out. We might fix a salad or a sandwich. Some nights, we don't eat. Depending on what we had for lunch and what time we ate lunch, we're not hungry. Or, it's not worth the trouble. It's not like we're going to starve by missing a meal. This has never occured to the oldies. Three meals a day, plus snacks. Dessert with every meal.

If I'm feeling hungry and madcap, I have cheese and crackers in the late afternoon.

There's a tremendous obesity problem in this country. Constant (and mindless) snacking has proven to be a contributing factor, along with lethargy.

Sometimes we're not in sync. The other day, I went to a movie and ate some popcorn and a few candy bites. It was more junk food than I've had in years.

Just my luck, the husband wanted to go out to dinner. He hadn't eaten all day.

While You Are Sleeping

Some people sleep all night -- you lucky people!

Here are some of the things I do while you are sleeping:

Say lots of prayers.
Wash a load of clothing and fold it.
Make writing or business notes.
Plan menus, even though I don't cook very often.
Fret and pace.
Watch episodes of I Love Lucy or The Andy Griffith Show.
Unload the dishwasher.
Re-read the last People Magazine.
Wake the dog up so we can both be miserably awake together.
Make to-do lists of things that will never get done.
Watch movies that I've seen over and over and over.
Go through emails and respond/delete.
Tackle the stack of mail and catalogs.
Sneak in the oldies' room to see if any new ghosts have come to visit.
Sit in the baby's room and wallow in the memories.
Call people who might be up. I know who you are.

Eventually, I crawl into bed and (as I'm told,) start to snore. It's the husband's time to get up and escape. I'll grab two hours and then get up to work out.

By the way, he paces and snores too.

He Travels Too Much

Recently, a girlfriend told me a story about one of her friend's child. They called off a wedding at the 11th hour. I don't know these people but the excuse was that the bride decided the groom's job was too demanding and he traveled too much.

What?!!!!

The husband used to travel a couple of times a month for his job. Although I missed him, I also looked forward to his trips. I like private time. He doesn't travel nearly as much as he used to and that has thrown my life some new curves.

I can't speak for all women but here are some of the things I like to do when the husband travels:


When the baby was little, we would choose movies, take our baths and don pjs. Then we would crawl into bed with a big bowl of popcorn and have a moviefest. Later, we'd make milkshakes.

Slathering deep conditioner on my hair and wrapping it in a plastic shower cap so it can really soak in. (The one time the husband witnessed this ritual, he followed me around saying, "Do you want fries with that?")

Waxing things. Enough said.

Ordering a pizza with only my toppings of choice. Or, choosing shrimp dip and chips as dinner.


The husband left this morning for a golf trip. I did my happy dance. The baby is off at college so our movie night is no longer available. Complete solitude is not at option since the oldies live here too. Still, I might order a pizza, deep condition my hair and see what's on Lifetime.

I hope this bride-to-be had a lot of other issues with her husband-to-be. If it was just his travel schedule, I'm perplexed.

Movie Line Answers

These are good in numerous situations. My Aunt Cess tells the story of telling someone in her church that she was going to have to "take him to the mattress." Ooops. For those of you who asked about the previous post (Movie Lines -- July 18, 2007,) here are the answers:


I love you more than my luggage. Steel Magnolias

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Gone with the Wind

Take it to the mattress. The Godfather

Here's Johnny! The Shining

Greed is good. Wall Street

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love me. Notting Hill

See ya Hubbell. The Way We Were

It was magic. Sleepless in Seattle

Winter would be cold with no warm memories. An Affair to Remember

I'll think about that tomorrow. Gone with the Wind

You can't handle the truth. A Few Good Men

Now, we should all get off the computer and go watch an old movie.

Movie Lines

Other than a couple of bathrooms, there is a television in every room of my home. This probably says something about our intelligence level but I'll dwell on that later.

The oldies always watch tv together and it's either the game show network or a baseball game. He can't see but she tolerates it. I hear the "ding" from the game show network throughout the day and it's a little jarring.

Big Daddy watches the History channel, Discovery or The Golf Channel. We often watch some shows together (we like the ones where the husband or wife whacks the spouse and tries to get away with it) but after that I get bored and move to another room so I can watch what I love: Movies that I have seen over and over again! Again, my intelligence comes into question.

As a writer, I love a well-composed sentence. I also love a memorable line in a movie. Here are a few of my favorites:

I love you more than my luggage.

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Take it to the mattress.

Here's Johnny!

Greed is good.

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love me.

See ya Hubbell.

It was magic.

Winter would be cold with no warm memories.

I'll think about that tomorrow.

You can't handle the truth.

Can you name the movies? What are some of your favorites?

I tried asking the oldies this question. Again, I received the look that says I am from another planet. So, I just said, "Ding!"

Big Daddy

I'm not sure when I started referring to the husband as "Big Daddy." Just for the record, he hates it. Unfortunately for him, it's caught on. I love old movies so I'm pretty sure I borrowed it from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

I used it with our old dog. I constantly use it with the puppy, "Big Daddy would be so mad if he saw you doing that!" The workout girls refer to him as Big Daddy. The other day, his mother said to me, "What time will Big Daddy be home?"

My Rules

Just saw the movie, Georgia Rule, with Jane Fonda, Felicity Huffman and Lindsay Lohan. It's a chick flick and I enjoyed it thoroughly, even though it received mixed reviews. Jane Fonda's character is a riot. She has many house rules and I'm thinking about taking a cue from her. Here are some of the rules I would love to enforce:

• Kitchen hours: Pick a 2-hour window for each meal and stick to it.
• Daily Plan: Get up, get dressed, go do something.
• Bedtime: Go to bed and stay there. No middle of the night roaming. No middle of the night snacking.
• Safety: No driving after a pain-killer. No frying while you're wobbly.
• Mealtime: No discussions of bodily functions (or malfunctions) while preparing or eating a meal.

Unfortunately, none of these will happen but a girl can fantasize.