I'll Sit This One Out

The brother-in-law and his wife are leaving in a few hours. When I'm overwhelmed, I go into a little stupor. I've probably been in a semi-stupor for a long time but the last couple of weeks have been extreme stuporville.

Then they swept in and pitched in. They've helped with both oldies. They've helped the husband look at options and make some (not all) decisions. We don't exactly have a game plan but we're a lot further ahead than we were three days ago. The brother-in-law has organized Hangdog's medications into a system that I actually understand. As I mentioned yesterday, the sister-in-law has cooked and organized my pantry.

They've been so attentive and nice to Hangdog. I don't know if he understands that they are leaving and then it's back to Big, Mean Me.

Of course, they wanted to visit the mother-in-law before they have to leave. Of course, they were kind enough to include Hangdog. Since I spent a fair amount of time on the phone last night getting an update on her condition and behavior, I decided to let the three of them go. The husband and I will be running up there constantly after they leave so I opted to say, "No thank you very much. I'll sit this one out."

I'm alone in my house. I'm doing a short happy dance.

Traveling Times

I'm starting to get a little worried about the oldies. I seem to have to have something to fret about.

They're on their trip and they check in every few days or so ... mainly so I can take care of mail or hear updates on the relatives. The tide has turned. Now, it's usually me calling her.

The other day I called her cell phone and I got the father-in-law. At some point in the conversation he mentioned the beautiful properties they've seen. Well, this sent my brain into overload.

He can't see (although he fakes it very well.)
Are these relatives' and friends' properties or are they scoping out properties to purchase?

They're 84-years old. They certainly don't need our permission to decide the next stage in their lives. Maybe I've misinterpreted the entire conversation. When I mentioned it to the husband, he said, "Let it go -- we'll be dealing with it soon enough."

This is probably much ado about nothing but at what point do you say, "No!" At what point do you take the car keys away? (We're nowhere close to that.) At what point do the decisions change hands? A power-of-attorney isn't enough when you all live under one roof.

At what point do you just let the guilt wash over you?

The husband has a trip next week and I am freakishly excited at the prospect of some time alone.

But, I'm guessing I'll get two hours and then the oldies will roll in.

Locking Myself In

I'm pretty good about locking myself in my office when I need to think. I'll even lock myself in the bedroom for some quiet time. I'm the one who makes the rounds at night to make sure all doors are locked. But, I've always been pretty lax about unlocked doors during the day. I go in and out. The dog goes in and out. Plus, there is almost always someone here.

After numerous comments/lectures from my father and houseboy, I have changed this habit. I lock every door. And once again, I'm in trouble.

The husband comes in through the door from the garage to the back hallway. I have no idea why carrying a key is beyond him. I have no idea why a locked door seems to be a personal affront. He doesn't understand why that particular door needs to be locked. In his mind, if the garage door is down, that door should remain unlocked.

A few days ago, I explained that I lock it because I am home alone. To which he replied, "No, you're not. The oldies are here." (Yeah, that makes me feel safe.) They are so used to traffic in and out of this house. If a random burglar (or worse) came in, they probably wouldn't wake up. If they did, they would assume it was someone I know and I've given permission to remove all of our worldly goods.

There are two ironies:
1. I lock every door before I go to bed. When the oldies are here, she roams at night, goes outside to smoke, etc. I wake up almost every morning to find two doors unlocked.

2. My mother works nights so my father does the lock-up routine in their house. He repeatedly locks her out of their bedroom. It makes her crazy.
The oldies are on their trip. I am occasionally (blessedly) alone. The door in debate is locked.

He Travels Too Much

Recently, a girlfriend told me a story about one of her friend's child. They called off a wedding at the 11th hour. I don't know these people but the excuse was that the bride decided the groom's job was too demanding and he traveled too much.

What?!!!!

The husband used to travel a couple of times a month for his job. Although I missed him, I also looked forward to his trips. I like private time. He doesn't travel nearly as much as he used to and that has thrown my life some new curves.

I can't speak for all women but here are some of the things I like to do when the husband travels:


When the baby was little, we would choose movies, take our baths and don pjs. Then we would crawl into bed with a big bowl of popcorn and have a moviefest. Later, we'd make milkshakes.

Slathering deep conditioner on my hair and wrapping it in a plastic shower cap so it can really soak in. (The one time the husband witnessed this ritual, he followed me around saying, "Do you want fries with that?")

Waxing things. Enough said.

Ordering a pizza with only my toppings of choice. Or, choosing shrimp dip and chips as dinner.


The husband left this morning for a golf trip. I did my happy dance. The baby is off at college so our movie night is no longer available. Complete solitude is not at option since the oldies live here too. Still, I might order a pizza, deep condition my hair and see what's on Lifetime.

I hope this bride-to-be had a lot of other issues with her husband-to-be. If it was just his travel schedule, I'm perplexed.