Mr. Pam Needs a Grocery Gift Certificate

Do you remember Pat on Saturday Night Live? Is it a man or a woman? Does he/she have a life?

In my childhood neighborhood, we had this girl who was that androgynous type. Maybe asexual is a better word. We knew she was female because her name was Pam. She lived with her parents through childhood and adulthood. At some point, my father started referring to her as "Mr. Pam" and unfortunately it caught on.

Once again, I am trying to watch Jeopardy and there is an interruption. My father is speaking to the dogs as if I were not in the room:

"Mr. Pam is eating again -- Stay out of her way."

"Married -- Divorced; Married -- Divorced -- Mr. Pam can't make up her mind."

"No Christmas presents for the doggies -- Mr. Pam is eating us out of house and home."

As if I needed another nickname, I have now become the neighborhood's new Mr. Pam. We have laughed ourselves stupid over it.

Sexting

When I was a young girl, our way of letting a boy know we had a crush on him was to:

Pass a note to a girlfriend hoping she would let someone know who could pass the information along to him.
Or, call his house and hang up. This usually happened during sleepovers.

We did not have caller ID. Many of us still had party lines. Even so, teenagers are usually pretty transparent and it's not hard to figure out who has a crush on whom.

Technology has given us many gifts but it has also opened Pandora's box. A survey discussed on morning television today cited that one in five teenage girls admits to sending nude or semi-nude photos of herself to a boy. Apparently, boys are also photographing and posting their private parts.

I can be self-righteous about this because I have never done it and will never do it. But even in my carefree, pre-Internet, pre-social networking and naive days, I NEVER would have allowed a nude photo of myself. Even I was smart enough to realize there would still be negatives that could be redeveloped. There would still be break-ups where people forgot to gather the incriminating evidence.

What seems like a joke, a funny stunt or a dare can become life altering. I would hate to see a loved one denied law school admission because of some slutty photos on My Space. I would hate to see the look on the groom's face when his "friends" show him the wild and reckless days of the bride. I would hate to sit in a job interview and realize the person I am asking to hire me has seen me nude because he's linked in. This all happens. Seemingly, every day.

I've only recently learned to text. Once again, I'm way behind. Once again, I'm glad.

The Heady Lure of Power and Greed

Is Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich related to O.J. Simpson? They appear to share the same delusion of being untouchable and above the law.

Gov Blag was arrested in his Chicago home yesterday while his family slept. He had been under federal investigation for at least three years. On many occasions, he has taunted the investigators during press conferences. The most recent time was the day before his arrest. He is charged with conspiracy to commit fraud for allegedly trying to sell off the senate seat vacated by Obama. He wanted cash and perks, including a better job for his wife.

The headiness of power sends some people off their rocker. I've known some of these people. Greed can often do the same.

If the governor is convicted, his sentence could be up to 20 years in prison. Meanwhile, until he resigns or is impeached, he still holds the power to name a person to the senate. (Highly unlikely.)

What are they eating in Illinois? I heard this little tidbit last night: Illinois has had four different governors in four years. Also, on average, one Illinois governor goes to prison roughly every 10 years.

I'm guessing the only state with more corrupt politicians is Louisiana.

The Biter

My oldies have two dogs. One is sweet and playful. Meet the other one, Ashley the Biter. She will bite anyone except my father. She routinely bites my mother and she's caught me a couple of times since I've been here.

Now I will only pick her up when she is wearing a sweater.

Volunteering for Others

Our minister has quite a sense of humor. I love it that he can make me laugh and still move me in a sermon. My mother once made the mistake of telling him that she does not enjoy the "meet and greet" during the service. She's done her meetin' and greetin' before entering the sanctuary or she will catch them afterwards. Yesterday he announced, "Just for Sandy, let's get up and greet our neighbors." He found this funny and so did I. Of course, she was the first person he walked toward.

She has a running joke with our pastor that she will do a lot for the church but she does not like to be front and center; she prefers to be behind the scenes. He's constantly threatening to call her during the week and assign her to be liturgist for the next Sunday.

We're in the season of Advent and like many churches, we light the appropriate candles each Sunday. It may be a single person, a couple, a family -- whomever. As we were leaving church yesterday morning, he said to the three of us, "We still need someone for the Advent candle next Sunday." Before she could kill me (and she would never do that in church) I said, "Sure, we'll do it."

Now I have been assigned the family duty of deciding who lights the candles and who recites which lines.

Later we went to an open house and I think our minister had a little smirk on his face. As usual, I'm in trouble.

Warm and Toasty

"I like winter because I can stay indoors without feeling guilty." Teressa Skelton

I have no idea who Teressa Skelton is (or was) but I ran across this quote and it summed up my day yesterday. After finishing my elf duties, I headed home in the snow. It was slow going and lots of reckless drivers were sliding around. I was very relieved to walk into the warm house.

Warmth comes in many forms beyond the toasty air from the heater. It's a smile that greets you and a welcoming embrace. It's a look of relief and you realize someone has been concerned about the road conditions. It's snuggling in and knowing you are safe and warm.

I threw beef stew ingredients in the crock pot. Voila! Dinner will be ready in a few hours. Then we put on Christmas music and I watched my mother and sister make candy. I could pretend I participated but truthfully it's their ritual and my joy was watching their teamwork. Then a neighbor and friend came over and we sat in front of the fire and watched two movies.

After dinner, I snuggled with my dog. All in all, it was a day filled with warmth, love and friendship. We should all be so lucky.

Breakfast With Santa

Yesterday, I went with my friend Lynn to her nephews' school for Breakfast with Santa. We were volunteer elves to take the photos, although most parents and grandparents brought their own cameras.

We gave ourselves elf nicknames. Lynn's was Booger and mine was Depression. It was 7:30 in the morning -- we found everything funny.

The party was quite the todo! Breakfast included sausage and pancakes. Besides visiting with Santa, there were booths with many other things for the children to do. There was also a live reindeer that the children could pet. Lynn knocked a few children out of the way to take this picture of me and the reindeer. I decided to forego sitting on Santa's lap. Even he couldn't handle my wish list this year.