Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Dance

Any joy or relief I used to find in music is temporarily on vacation. I can't enjoy music because every song and every artist evokes a memory. It's my own fault; I married a music man.

Of course, I enjoyed music long before I met him. But, when you are with a music man, it goes to new heights. You get absorbed in his knowledge. You associate songs (and especially lyrics) with happier times. You marvel at his mind and his talent. Happier times involve singing around the piano or dancing on the patio. You remember every concert, every dance, every quiet moment -- and what song was playing at the time.

My iPod hasn't been on in months. I have broken two nails jabbing the radio station buttons in the car. I turn it off but then the music in my head is worse than whatever they might play next.

I love country music and I thought I was safe with that. Unfortunately, they are playing Garth Brooks' "The Dance" a lot lately. This is a song the husband learned to play on the piano for me, even though he is not a fan of country music. It is sad and haunting. It is appropriate but we didn't know it at the time.

From The Dance:

And I, I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go.
Our lives, are better left to chance.
I could've missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dont throw the baby out with the bathwater (I always thought that was a weird saying). Music can and will eventually heal your soul and broken heart. I'm sure there is a country song out there just for you...Deb.

cecily crossman said...

Never heard this song. It really touched me in lots of ways.

I hope that in the pain of the music you find healing.

janis said...

I am heading over with the CD mix you made us! You need your copy. All these songs have happy memories!

Anonymous said...

hmm-m ... Let me say first that it 'chills' me sometimes at how very much we are alike!

I have had the same reaction since my mother died in 1980 ...the music I have loved all my life, I can no longer listen to.

The moment I hear music, of any kind, I immediately become very sad, get a lump in my throat, and just want to sob.

My divorce was the 'grand finale' of laying music to rest. It is a catch 22!! I feel sad not being able to enjoy my music, but I am more sad when I try.

My daughter has never known a mom who loved music ....very very sad. My sons knew a mom who not only had the stereo blasting all day but danced to it swinging a feather duster with the vacuum as my partner. I miss those days.

Good news! I just recently turned my car radio on to country music and actually made it through 3 songs! Now that is progress!

Mark Pressley said...

I have heard rock is dead and the kids only listen to Rap, and so on. Nah the radio stations are just dead. There is great new music out there and you need to give some of the below guys a listen guaranteed to not make you cry unless you bang your head really hard which I have done on occasion.

Bubba Sparxx
Theory of a Deadman
Buck Cherry
Alice in Chains
Linkin Park
Seether
Puddle of Mudd
P.O.D.

Sad music is supposed to be sad so listen to fun music!

Anonymous said...

Although I might agree with all the above comments I believe the true depth is that deep down you are still in love with Dan. I might be wrong but, I think you two have a whole lot in common and I think you still belong together. I don't know all the particulars but. . . I think you're still in love!!!!

Anonymous said...

Funny, the dance is one of the few country songs on my iPod...for me it is healing..it is a reminder that all we go through...both the good and the bad are all part of the wonderful experience we call life and every experience relies upon the other to create your story. Thank you for your blog and I hope all is well...
Steve, from So. Cal.