More Questions to Ponder

This is going around the Internet and my cousin sent it to me. I love these questions. If you have some witty answers, let me know.

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Christmas Musings

'Tis the season and all that. I've spent the season being even more reflective than usual. From the frivolous to the serious, here are a few of the things I've pondered:

The Tree
There is a fir/evergreen tree outside the bedroom window in my previous home. I could sit up in bed and view it. This would've been my 12th Christmas in that home and for a dozen years I have said to myself, "I should put lights on that tree so I could wake up to that vision." I never did it and now I wish I had.

Eyes are Everywhere
I was taught to look at the front and rear view of myself before I left the house. I'm sure this was intended to save me from some disaster like walking into a meeting with the back of my skirt tucked into my pantyhose. Everyone does not learn this lesson (or chooses not to heed it.) I listened to a solo last night by a young woman who truly has the voice of an angel but was dressed as if she were running late for a street-walking gig. Yes, I am showing my age but I am constantly amazed at young girls who flaunt their assets, including posting them for all the world to see, as their parents remain silent.

Eyes are also everywhere in terms of choices you make. You may be an adult and it may be your right to make your own decisions but I'm learning (better late than never) to stop and ask myself, "What do they see that I don't see and how does that reflect on my character?"

Never Underestimate Rice Krispie Treats
My mother and my sister spend countless hours making homemade candies for the holidays. They are always popular and I've eaten my fair share. But, sometimes you can also be a big hit, especially with children, with sticky, crunchy Rice Krispie treats. I made a batch, shaped it into a wreath and took it to a party. The kids ate it with gusto and it left more of the grown-up goodies for the adults.

Nobody Wants another Knickknack
Unless you are a serious collector of something, chances are you do not need or desire more stuff. (If you are a serious collector, chances are that most people cannot afford to add to your collection.) Unless someone requests something very specific, I try to buy only consumed or used and thrown away. I didn't buy gifts this year but I plan to keep this rule for future occasions. Most of us already have an embarrassing amount of unnecessary riches.

Necessary Riches
It's trite and sappy but the riches that fill my life (and hopefully yours) did not arrive via sleigh last night. They weren't slipped under the tree while we slept. They weren't purchased in any store. They were sleeping beside us or right down the hall. They were those we included in our Christmas Eve prayers. They were in the tears we shed for those we miss and in our hearts and we reflected on sweet memories.

Beware of Lifetime Movies
Substitute your favorite cable channel. You can lose an entire day if they run a marathon. Last Sunday, I started watching one Christmas movie on Lifetime and ended up watching four back to back. I have seen others do this with the True Crime channels especially if they're rerunning Cops.

Christmas Miracles
I believe they happen all year long.

Merry Christmas to all.

What am I Supposed to Learn?

When life throws curves, I was taught to pay attention. It may not be fun but there should be a lesson there. My parents didn't tell me what to do. They would ask, "What are you going to do?"

I'm asking myself this question these days.

In 6th grade, I shared the spelling answers with the student who sat next to me. I was trying to be nice but my report card had "CHEATED" written across it. It was humiliating and although it was 35 years ago, it still gives me shivers.

I've done the corporate thing, the small agency thing and owning my own business. All have provided valuable experience but I'm still not sure what I learned and if I learned enough.

I can maneuver through basic computer programs and I can find my way on the Internet. I can download songs, photos and other images. I can text. I still find myself way behind the learning curve.

Move to Town and Take the Paper

This phrase is one of the husband's favorites. It's applicable in many situations and conversations.

Very little shocks me anymore but I am blown away by the number of people who have recently told me that they don't take the paper. Yes, I realize that many people choose to get their news from television or the Internet. I do too. Yes, I know that many people do not share my compulsion for the printed word. But, I'm talking about people of my own generation and older.

Few people have endless hours of free time. What's going on in your school system? What issues are before the city/county council? Did your team win? The answers about local issues should be found in your local paper.

A hot cup of coffee and reading the paper is my favorite part of the day.

I Pick Kind

Throughout my life thus far, I have been surrounded by brilliant people. Some are phenomenally talented. Some have multiple degrees. Others have great common sense and what we used to call street smarts.

I'm awed by smart people. I want to bask in their aura and hope some of their brain cells and talents get absorbed through osmosis. I'm infinitely curious about how they became who they are. I'm not impressed with money, the huge house or the Ivy League school. I'm impressed with people who take their lot in life and use it to improve themselves and hopefully, the world.

Mostly, I am in awe of people who choose kindness. That doesn't seem to be in favor these days. We're all justifiably frightened of sexual predators, car jackers, rapists, serial killers, etc. We turn our heads and look the other way. We lock our doors and turn on the alarm. Blame the media or the Internet but I think a lot of this is blown out of proportion. We just know more now because we have access to it.

It's kind of like being struck by lightning. Yeah, it might happen but the odds are in your favor.

I crave learning and I love it when someone thinks I'm smart. But, in the end, the world would be a better place if we chose to be kind.

Christmas Music -- The Hunt

Technology changed at a frightening pace in my childhood and early adulthood ... microwaves, VCRs, etc. One of the biggest changes was music. We went from 45s to 8-tracks to albums and cassettes to CDs. Today, you can download anything you want on the Internet.

We played a lot of Christmas music in my childhood home. When CDs became the norm, smart music companies released old, old tracks and albums on CD. My mother and I went on the hunt. We had to find all of our old favorites on CD.

Don't underestimate us. We did it. And we continue to call each other and ask, "Do you have (name an artist) version of (name a song.) There are only so many holiday songs and carols but we all have our opinion of the singer who sings it best.

My parents have CD players in their home and CD capabilities in their car. I have these things too. But, I also have my iPod which allows me to download and program. (When did I become this geek?) I've made this extremely elaborate holiday play list. The great thing is I can plug it in the household sound system or I can keep it just for me when everyone else gets sick of it.

I'm a successful hunter too. Just not for the same things that my animal hunter friends and family do. I can't shoot a deer but if you need some holiday music, come to my house.

I love everything from the hymns to the current (last 20 or so years.) Here's a sampling of my faves:

My Grown-Up Christmas List, Amy Grant
Blue Christmas, Elvis
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, Brenda Lee
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Tony Bennett
White Christmas, Bing Crosby
Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer, Gene Autry
Santa Baby, Eartha Kitt
O Holy Night, Johnny Mathis
Silent Night, Barbra Streisand

I have a ton more but I suspect you do too.

Technology

I'm not super-smart and I'm not dumb. I'm muddling through the middle.

The mother-in-law often awes me. She's trying to understand her cell phone and its various features. We've had lesson after lesson about how to check voicemail on the cell phone and the home phone. She's almost there! Every electronic gizmo has multiple remotes. She's mastered the ones she needs.

An editorial I read recently went through the changes we've all experienced in the last 20 or so years related to technology. Manual typewriter to electric typewriter to desktop to laptop to Blackberry. Eight-track tapes to cassettes, 45s to albums to CDs, Beta or VHS -- now DVDs and Tivo. Not to mention the Internet.

I have great respect for people who keep learning.