Forty-Seven Years

As I sit here, separated from my husband and living with my oldies, it is not lost on me that I have not excelled at marriage.

My oldies (my incredible parents) were married 47 years ago today. They continue to be living examples of what a marriage should look like. It's not all roses and sweetness. It's a quiet devotion and respect of each other. It's love and concern that truly wants the best for each other. It's snapping in frustration and snapping out of the mood or the attitude before ugly things are said. It's Honor with a capital H.

Sometimes I watch them ... I've been doing it for years. I was born 17 months after their marriage and I've been studying them my entire life. Of course they have had their struggles and rocky times. Even in those circumstances, they somehow remain steadfast in their union.

We all know it takes two people to make a strong marriage just like it takes two people to screw it up. We're supposed to believe that no problems are insurmountable. Sorry, I don't believe that anymore.

I do believe shining examples of strong and healthy marriages are all around us. I live here. I see it every day.

"L" is for .....

I'm in turmoil and the other night I thought it was funny to make the loser symbol across my forehead. One of my besties thought it was appropriate to pinch me in response. It hurt but she made her point. She is probably the only person I would allow to get away with this.

Making that "L" across your forehead is not necessarily a bad thing.

"L" is for:

Love. Past, present and future.
Loss. What was and what could have been.
Laughter. If you don't experience belly laughter on a regular basis, you should live with my oldies for a while.
Leaving. Sometimes you just have to go.

Self Esteem

Life everyting else that requires nurturing, if neglected or allowed to happen. your self esteem will erode. It's bit by bit, a process so slight (and slightly devious) that you don't realize it until the bottom falls out from under you.

Welcome to bottomville!

In the last couple of days I found a piece of my self-esteem and I'm holding on to it for dear life. I've looked in the mirror and seen the woman that can laugh, cherish and love. I've also experienced kindness that is above and beyond the call of duty.

I will spare you the gory details out of respect for others but needless to say, I have a rocky road ahead. I forgot that you should get out of bed and look forward to the day ahead instead of dreading what may lie before you.

I vow to never forget again. The blog is not ending, just taking a turn in a new direction. At least the title makes sense again -- I am living with my oldies -- just not the same ones.

Power

There's an old saying:

Power comes from three things -- love, words and the sea. Great care should be taken because they can cause joy or grief, salvation or destruction.

I'm drawn to this because it covers three of my favorite things. But, I know power comes in other forms too.

There's nothing wrong with power. People run companies, run countries, run families. These are all powerful positions. I am a control freak but it's mainly toward myself. I don't crave power but I seem to be attracted to it.

I have seen and lived the power of love.
I have used the power of words to heal and to harm.
The power of the sea (or water in general) overwhelms me.

Today I'm going to use my power in a positive way.

How Much Do I Love You?

My love of words causes me to seek out different definitions and expressions. I try to avoid the cliches but sometimes the cliches fit very well.

When the daughter was young and the baby was little, we would play a little game. "Do you know how much I love you?" Then we would answer with one of the cliches: "As big as the sky," or "To the ends of the earth."

Occasionally Big Daddy and I have a moment to ourselves. He (jokingly) says, "Now would be a good time to tell me how much you love me." Sometimes I say, "Endlessly." Other times I say, "You're ok for now."

When I try to turn the tables and ask the same question, the answer never varies.

"Too much."

I don't believe him but it still makes me laugh.

This would not be funny to the oldies.