An Anniversary of Sorts

Today is sort of an anniversary. "Sort of" comes into play for a couple of reasons:

Technically, the husband and I got married right after midnight so our real anniversary is January 1st but since the ceremony was at our friends' home during a New Year's celebration, I think of New Year's Eve as the actual anniversary.

Although we will probably both acknowledge this evening in our own way, we will not be doing it as a couple.

It's sort of sad. (OK, really sad.) Yet, it's sort of a relief. It's also sort of mind boggling and scary. It's sort of lonely. It's definitely different than any NYE I've celebrated in the last 18 years.

I'm looking forward to 2009 and I'm sort of ready for this holiday to be over.

Libraries and Bookstores

I own and have read an obscene number of books.  I share and I donate many to my church for our annual bazaar but I still have too many.  Another weeding-out project awaiting me in the new year.

As habits go, it's not a bad one but I must be frugal.  No more strolling through the bookstore and buying whatever strikes my fancy.  So, today I dusted off my library card.  Did you know that you can practically check out an unlimited number of books?  Seriously, I asked.  The limit for one visit is something like 125 books.  I want to interview the person who does that.

It's not the same as cracking open a brand new book and enjoying the tactile experience.  But it's pretty darn close.  (And free.)  I found several titles in my favorite categories.  My nightstand stack is full.

Now I must learn not to dog-ear the pages or write in the margins.  I can't afford to have them revoke my privileges.

For Dog Lovers

I realize there are people who do not like dogs. There are others who may like them but choose not to own a dog due to extensive travel, allergies or other issues. I would willingly give myself a daily allergy shot (and you know how much I love needles) than live without a dog. With the exception of a couple of periods here and there, I have always had one. As long as I am able, I always will.

My dogs have seen me through many rough patches in my life. The Gabster is no exception. Her big brown eyes see my soul -- yes, I believe that. She is loyal and that is a characteristic I admire in people and in animals. She is huge yet she will gently crawl on my lap and lick my tears.

For my fellow dog lovers, here are a few of my favorite dog quotes:

Whoever said "let sleeping dogs lie" didn't sleep with dogs.
-- Unknown

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-- Anonymous

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
-- Jeanne-Marie Roland

If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either.
-- Unknown

When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day.
-- Unknown

To err is human, to forgive, canine.
-- Unknown

The dog, in life the firmest friend. The first to welcome, foremost to defend.
-- Lord Byron

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
-- Woodrow Wilson

Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.
-- Alexander Pope

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
-- Unknown

Relatives and Memories

These are my grandparents, Bobbie and Pa. Those were my names for them and I miss them terribly. I think of them every day and now I think of them every time I walk into my mother's office where she keeps this photo on her desk. This photo was taken at my first wedding in 1984. They have both been gone for many years but they do live on in our hearts.

Today would've been Bobbie's birthday. I'm not big on visiting people's gravesites. I'd rather visit the memories in my mind. I can still picture her overly-stuffed house with a feast on the table for every holiday or family meal. I still don't understand how she managed it on her meager budget. I treasure every bowl or platter she gave me. For the rest of my life, any entertaining I do will include some of Bobbie's dishes. When dividing our household items, I have no interest (or moral right) to the silver we inherited from the Captain and the Belle. I will fight to the finish for my dimestore and garage sale glass items that my grandmother gave me with love.

On another note, we just concluded a visit with my aunt and her boyfriend. We only had a couple of days and they went way too fast. But, more memories were visited and more memories were made.

Rudeness

This will not shock you. I despise rudeness. I think it should be the eighth deadly sin. Rude children make me understand corporal punishment. (I am kidding!) Rude adults, especially those in customer service, make me crazy.

On Christmas Eve, I accompanied my mother to WalMart. Not my favorite store but she legitimately needed a few things and I legitimately needed to relieve being stir crazy.

I have worked retail. I did it in high school and college. I did it when we actually had to do math and count change. I did it when we were expected to know the merchandise and where to find it. I did it when our performance reviews were a daily reminder because managers paid attention to customer service.

At WalMart, I experienced three incidents of rudeness:

1. We were looking for a specific cleaning product while wandering through the housewares section. I asked an employee, "Excuse me, may I ask you a question?" She responded, "I don't work in this department." I said, "That is not my question." I proceeded to ask my question and she answered it. Why couldn't she have done that in the first place?

2. One of the items we picked up was stocked in two areas on the same aisle. The price difference for the same item was about $6. I pointed this out to my mother so we could pay attention at check out. I have a mean memory and I knew the rough cost of every item we were buying. Of course, two of them rang up at the higher price. The cashier was rude as she let us know she would have to wait for a price check. Fine with me. When the equally-rude, yet higher-on-the-totem-pole person arrived, I offered to go with her to show her exactly where I found these items. She proceeded to weave and run through the store with the cart as her taser. To borrow a line from Christmas Vacation, "Let's burn some dust. Eat my rubber." We purchased our items at the price listed on the shelf. Saved close to $20 versus what rang up on the register. I was persistent but I was not rude.

3. In the parking lot, we unloaded and I took the basket to the cart corral. On the other side was a woman who could've walked three feet to secure the cart from damaging cars. Instead, she left it rolling toward another car as she backed away. I grabbed it and put it away. If this were football, I would throw my little yellow flag and scream, "Unnecessary Rudeness!"

Today we went to run some other errands. We experienced rude clerks -- the kind who stand and converse with each other and act like you are not standing right there. We witnessed rude fellow shoppers. I may not venture out again for a while.

Trying to Be Tough

Yes, this is how we amuse ourselves. We force three helpless animals to pose together for their Christmas photo. Gabby, my black lab, thinks life is a big game and she would've participated for hours. Harriett can't decide if she trusts Gabby or not but she seeks her out more and more. They never growl or bark at each other.

Ashley the biter thinks that she is Queen of the manor. She runs under furniture or tries to commit suicide by jumping off the bed if she sees Gabby headed her way. She can bark herself hoarse. It must be a little demeaning to demand respect as top dog when you're wearing a diaper.

Please note that Gabby is the dog in this household who does not have a wardrobe.

Christmas Musings

'Tis the season and all that. I've spent the season being even more reflective than usual. From the frivolous to the serious, here are a few of the things I've pondered:

The Tree
There is a fir/evergreen tree outside the bedroom window in my previous home. I could sit up in bed and view it. This would've been my 12th Christmas in that home and for a dozen years I have said to myself, "I should put lights on that tree so I could wake up to that vision." I never did it and now I wish I had.

Eyes are Everywhere
I was taught to look at the front and rear view of myself before I left the house. I'm sure this was intended to save me from some disaster like walking into a meeting with the back of my skirt tucked into my pantyhose. Everyone does not learn this lesson (or chooses not to heed it.) I listened to a solo last night by a young woman who truly has the voice of an angel but was dressed as if she were running late for a street-walking gig. Yes, I am showing my age but I am constantly amazed at young girls who flaunt their assets, including posting them for all the world to see, as their parents remain silent.

Eyes are also everywhere in terms of choices you make. You may be an adult and it may be your right to make your own decisions but I'm learning (better late than never) to stop and ask myself, "What do they see that I don't see and how does that reflect on my character?"

Never Underestimate Rice Krispie Treats
My mother and my sister spend countless hours making homemade candies for the holidays. They are always popular and I've eaten my fair share. But, sometimes you can also be a big hit, especially with children, with sticky, crunchy Rice Krispie treats. I made a batch, shaped it into a wreath and took it to a party. The kids ate it with gusto and it left more of the grown-up goodies for the adults.

Nobody Wants another Knickknack
Unless you are a serious collector of something, chances are you do not need or desire more stuff. (If you are a serious collector, chances are that most people cannot afford to add to your collection.) Unless someone requests something very specific, I try to buy only consumed or used and thrown away. I didn't buy gifts this year but I plan to keep this rule for future occasions. Most of us already have an embarrassing amount of unnecessary riches.

Necessary Riches
It's trite and sappy but the riches that fill my life (and hopefully yours) did not arrive via sleigh last night. They weren't slipped under the tree while we slept. They weren't purchased in any store. They were sleeping beside us or right down the hall. They were those we included in our Christmas Eve prayers. They were in the tears we shed for those we miss and in our hearts and we reflected on sweet memories.

Beware of Lifetime Movies
Substitute your favorite cable channel. You can lose an entire day if they run a marathon. Last Sunday, I started watching one Christmas movie on Lifetime and ended up watching four back to back. I have seen others do this with the True Crime channels especially if they're rerunning Cops.

Christmas Miracles
I believe they happen all year long.

Merry Christmas to all.

Holiday Parties

For someone with a life in shambles, I've still managed to attend quite a few Christmas functions including lunches with friends and card parties. You can take the party out of your life but you can't take the party out of this girl. I still have several get-togethers to go. My low-key Christmas has been a wonderful balance of relaxation and festivities.

Last night we went to my sister's house. I find most holiday decorations magical but it's even more so in homes with young children. (She and her husband have three.) I love asking the children which ornaments are their favorites and seeing the pride in their little faces.

My oldies hosted Christmas Eve for many years. When my sister and her real siblings were children, spending Christmas Eve at my parents gave Santa a chance to finish some last minute details away from prying eyes. All three children remember these gatherings and speak of them often.

As usual, life comes full circle. Although it wasn't Christmas Eve and we were missing a few people, the night was quite similar to those from years past. The menu had many of the favorites we've shared over time. Some decorations were familiar. The laughter was spontaneous and frequent. And three little children danced around in the true spirit of the season.

Defining The Successful Life

An attorney I know recently recommended a book to me. He's familiar enough with many of the issues in my life so I took his recommendation to heart and checked it out of the library. The book is "Living A Life That Matters," by Harold S. Kushner. The subtitle is "Resolving the Conflict between Conscience and Success." This is the same author who wrote, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People," which I also read.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book. It is an interesting mix of history, biblical tales, psychology and human interest stories. Anyone who struggles with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other will identify with many of the examples. (If you are not one of these people, please let me know your secret.)

It is a great testament to the impact our lives have on others, even when we are unaware of it.

Sibling Love and Respect

Today is Cecily Crossman's birthday. She is someone I fiercely love and admire with an almost stalker-like zeal. She is also my aunt -- my father's only living sibling. They are crazy about each other and their devotion is admirable on many levels.

As an only child, my experience with siblings is through observation and of course, the siblings I have chosen.

Anyone who thinks it is easier for two sisters to be close would learn quite a bit from the brother/sister duo above.

Happy birthday Aunt Cess and thanks for always being there for my dad.

Afeared of Fire

I love a roaring fire in the fireplace or a bonfire at a weinie roast. But other than that, I have an obsessive fear of fire. Twice I have had my hair singed. Once was at an REO concert and the person behind me got a little carried away waving her lighter. The other time a friend had a lit candle on the back of her toilet and my big hair got in the way.

When the Belle and the Captain lived with us, my firewoman patrol was on active duty, 24/7. More than once:

I found evidence of the Belle smoking in bed.
I found burning candles in the bedroom and/or bath after they left the house.
She caught both ovens on fire.
She left the house with the gas stove top blazing.
She caught bacon wrappers, paper towels and various other counter items on fire.

I considered strapping a fire extinguisher to my person, along with my glasses, cell phone, pens, etc. Instead I became a maniac about checking the batteries in the smoke detectors and checking each room on a regular basis.

The oldies are gone but my fear lingers. Now that I live with my oldies, I'm on needless patrol but it doesn't stop me. If anyone starts roasting chestnuts on an open fire during this season, I'm running in the opposite direction.

Happiness Guilt

How weird is this? I am beating myself up for being happy. My life is in shambles yet, I have peace of mind and joy in my heart.

Then I feel guilty for not being miserable.

Many people who know a portion or even all of my current problems ask me, "How are you?" with that Oh-You-Poor-Dear tone of voice. I probably sound ridiculous when I answer, "Great!"

For the first time in years, I like the person in my mirror. I am truly excited about the choices before me -- even the dreadfully difficult ones. I am strong and I like it. I just need to work on the guilt part.

Fun with Testicles

I found the image above through an Internet search. Now, I don't normally google words like "testicles" but a friend sent me an email about this trend and I had to check it out for myself.

The story goes something like this: My friend was driving and talking to his sister on the phone. She happens to be in the car industry. At a stoplight, he noticed a truck in front of him with fake testicles hanging off the trailer hitch. His sister was surprised that he had not seen this before.

Neither have I and I don't want to.

Apparently, this is a very popular thing to do, especially for those who take extra pride in being a redneck.

Several states have now introduced legislation to ban this particular form of expression which leaves me with some questions:

Are state governments running out of serious issues and have this kind of free time on their hands? Are these the issues they were elected to resolve?
Would feminist groups, i.e. NOW, be involved if the fake body parts were female?
Aren't children going to ask about this?
Would this be considered pornography or freedom of expression?

If anyone has run out of gift ideas, I found numerous websites where these little goodies can be ordered for the redneck in your life.

Mr. Pam Needs a Grocery Gift Certificate

Do you remember Pat on Saturday Night Live? Is it a man or a woman? Does he/she have a life?

In my childhood neighborhood, we had this girl who was that androgynous type. Maybe asexual is a better word. We knew she was female because her name was Pam. She lived with her parents through childhood and adulthood. At some point, my father started referring to her as "Mr. Pam" and unfortunately it caught on.

Once again, I am trying to watch Jeopardy and there is an interruption. My father is speaking to the dogs as if I were not in the room:

"Mr. Pam is eating again -- Stay out of her way."

"Married -- Divorced; Married -- Divorced -- Mr. Pam can't make up her mind."

"No Christmas presents for the doggies -- Mr. Pam is eating us out of house and home."

As if I needed another nickname, I have now become the neighborhood's new Mr. Pam. We have laughed ourselves stupid over it.

Sexting

When I was a young girl, our way of letting a boy know we had a crush on him was to:

Pass a note to a girlfriend hoping she would let someone know who could pass the information along to him.
Or, call his house and hang up. This usually happened during sleepovers.

We did not have caller ID. Many of us still had party lines. Even so, teenagers are usually pretty transparent and it's not hard to figure out who has a crush on whom.

Technology has given us many gifts but it has also opened Pandora's box. A survey discussed on morning television today cited that one in five teenage girls admits to sending nude or semi-nude photos of herself to a boy. Apparently, boys are also photographing and posting their private parts.

I can be self-righteous about this because I have never done it and will never do it. But even in my carefree, pre-Internet, pre-social networking and naive days, I NEVER would have allowed a nude photo of myself. Even I was smart enough to realize there would still be negatives that could be redeveloped. There would still be break-ups where people forgot to gather the incriminating evidence.

What seems like a joke, a funny stunt or a dare can become life altering. I would hate to see a loved one denied law school admission because of some slutty photos on My Space. I would hate to see the look on the groom's face when his "friends" show him the wild and reckless days of the bride. I would hate to sit in a job interview and realize the person I am asking to hire me has seen me nude because he's linked in. This all happens. Seemingly, every day.

I've only recently learned to text. Once again, I'm way behind. Once again, I'm glad.

The Heady Lure of Power and Greed

Is Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich related to O.J. Simpson? They appear to share the same delusion of being untouchable and above the law.

Gov Blag was arrested in his Chicago home yesterday while his family slept. He had been under federal investigation for at least three years. On many occasions, he has taunted the investigators during press conferences. The most recent time was the day before his arrest. He is charged with conspiracy to commit fraud for allegedly trying to sell off the senate seat vacated by Obama. He wanted cash and perks, including a better job for his wife.

The headiness of power sends some people off their rocker. I've known some of these people. Greed can often do the same.

If the governor is convicted, his sentence could be up to 20 years in prison. Meanwhile, until he resigns or is impeached, he still holds the power to name a person to the senate. (Highly unlikely.)

What are they eating in Illinois? I heard this little tidbit last night: Illinois has had four different governors in four years. Also, on average, one Illinois governor goes to prison roughly every 10 years.

I'm guessing the only state with more corrupt politicians is Louisiana.

The Biter

My oldies have two dogs. One is sweet and playful. Meet the other one, Ashley the Biter. She will bite anyone except my father. She routinely bites my mother and she's caught me a couple of times since I've been here.

Now I will only pick her up when she is wearing a sweater.

Volunteering for Others

Our minister has quite a sense of humor. I love it that he can make me laugh and still move me in a sermon. My mother once made the mistake of telling him that she does not enjoy the "meet and greet" during the service. She's done her meetin' and greetin' before entering the sanctuary or she will catch them afterwards. Yesterday he announced, "Just for Sandy, let's get up and greet our neighbors." He found this funny and so did I. Of course, she was the first person he walked toward.

She has a running joke with our pastor that she will do a lot for the church but she does not like to be front and center; she prefers to be behind the scenes. He's constantly threatening to call her during the week and assign her to be liturgist for the next Sunday.

We're in the season of Advent and like many churches, we light the appropriate candles each Sunday. It may be a single person, a couple, a family -- whomever. As we were leaving church yesterday morning, he said to the three of us, "We still need someone for the Advent candle next Sunday." Before she could kill me (and she would never do that in church) I said, "Sure, we'll do it."

Now I have been assigned the family duty of deciding who lights the candles and who recites which lines.

Later we went to an open house and I think our minister had a little smirk on his face. As usual, I'm in trouble.

Warm and Toasty

"I like winter because I can stay indoors without feeling guilty." Teressa Skelton

I have no idea who Teressa Skelton is (or was) but I ran across this quote and it summed up my day yesterday. After finishing my elf duties, I headed home in the snow. It was slow going and lots of reckless drivers were sliding around. I was very relieved to walk into the warm house.

Warmth comes in many forms beyond the toasty air from the heater. It's a smile that greets you and a welcoming embrace. It's a look of relief and you realize someone has been concerned about the road conditions. It's snuggling in and knowing you are safe and warm.

I threw beef stew ingredients in the crock pot. Voila! Dinner will be ready in a few hours. Then we put on Christmas music and I watched my mother and sister make candy. I could pretend I participated but truthfully it's their ritual and my joy was watching their teamwork. Then a neighbor and friend came over and we sat in front of the fire and watched two movies.

After dinner, I snuggled with my dog. All in all, it was a day filled with warmth, love and friendship. We should all be so lucky.

Breakfast With Santa

Yesterday, I went with my friend Lynn to her nephews' school for Breakfast with Santa. We were volunteer elves to take the photos, although most parents and grandparents brought their own cameras.

We gave ourselves elf nicknames. Lynn's was Booger and mine was Depression. It was 7:30 in the morning -- we found everything funny.

The party was quite the todo! Breakfast included sausage and pancakes. Besides visiting with Santa, there were booths with many other things for the children to do. There was also a live reindeer that the children could pet. Lynn knocked a few children out of the way to take this picture of me and the reindeer. I decided to forego sitting on Santa's lap. Even he couldn't handle my wish list this year.

The O.J. Verdict

Yes, I actually cheered when the judge sentenced O.J. Simpson for last year's armed robbery and related crimes in Las Vegas. I especially liked the part where the judge said that (I'm paraphrasing) at first, she couldn't decide if he was simply arrogant or ignorant but now she knows the answer. He's both.

The judge made it clear that both the jury that convicted him in this felony trial and her decisions in regard to sentencing had nothing to do with carry-over feelings from his murder acquittal 13 years ago. Maybe that is true. For the sake of our judicial system, I hope it is. All people deserve a fair trial.

When it comes to O.J., I've lost all reason and sense of fairness. I think he is a thug and a murderer. He has lived a life that includes sports hero worship, phenomenal financial riches, beautiful women and children. Yet, he is a destroyer --he destroyed families, including his own.

Shackled and smug at the same time, he asked the court for mercy. In some ways, he received it. He will serve a minimum of 9 years before chance of parole. He could serve up to 30-plus years.

I'm betting Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman begged for mercy too.

Handy People

My father is the ultimate handy person. I have never lived anywhere that he didn't build or remodel something. I am 45-years old and the trend continues.

The closet in my childhood bedroom is about 1/8 the size of the closet in the home I shared with the husband. Needless to say, I haven't moved all my clothes here (and I need to get rid of a lot) but for this transition period, I need enough to get through various situations including appropriate items to wear to job interviews and to church.

We bought one of those portable, snap-it-together clothes racks on wheels. Flimsy and useless. I hung a few things on it and it fell over. My dad and I picked it up and later it snapped. I'm not talking coats or anything heavy -- just a few sweaters, etc.

Yesterday, he went up in the garage loft and hauled down some spare lumber. (Doesn't everyone have a stash of timber ready to go?) Plus, it was about 10 degrees outside. He made this super-sturdy closet rod and mounted it in the laundry room. It's very large.

If he had surprised me with a Mercedes, I would not have been as happy.

Farm Girl

"Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Benjamin Franklin

My normal body clock awakens me between 4:00 AM and 5:00 AM. I force myself to stay in bed until 5:00. I used to envy people who could sleep late but I've learned to appreciate this quirk. In many ways, it is my favorite part of the day. I relax with coffee and the newspaper. I watch the local news. I relax and plan my day before the hyperactivity kicks in.

I like to go to bed early. My oldies tease me about a curfew and we laugh about how ridiculous this is since I usually go to bed around 9:00 PM. Don't be jealous of my exciting habits!

My sleep cycle is a lot like farmers. I might have made a good farm girl except for that pesky part about working the farm.

"L" is for .....

I'm in turmoil and the other night I thought it was funny to make the loser symbol across my forehead. One of my besties thought it was appropriate to pinch me in response. It hurt but she made her point. She is probably the only person I would allow to get away with this.

Making that "L" across your forehead is not necessarily a bad thing.

"L" is for:

Love. Past, present and future.
Loss. What was and what could have been.
Laughter. If you don't experience belly laughter on a regular basis, you should live with my oldies for a while.
Leaving. Sometimes you just have to go.

Please Don't Interrupt Jeopardy

I'm addicted to Jeopardy. I shout out the answers even when I am alone. I get increasingly louder as the show progresses.

Usually, I do not answer the phone while it is on. I enjoy that 30 minutes.

Last night, my mother felt the need to tell me something IMMEDIATELY. Of course, this was right before the Final Jeopardy question.

I found the nerve this morning to ask her to please not do it again.

A Simplified Christmas

For the first time in at least 18 years, I will not be celebrating Christmas in my usual fashion. I will not be organizing a family photo, addressing and mailing hundreds of cards, decorating every room, trimming a live tree or hosting any parties. I will not be buying gifts and wrapping for hours. (Ok, I might buy the dog a new toy.) I will not be coordinating schedules to accommodate other people. I enjoy doing most of these things but this is not the year for it.

I am not skipping Christmas. I'm already listening to holiday music. I will help my oldies trim a small tree. I will keep my mother and sister company while they do their annual candy making. I will help my mother prepare a holiday meal. I will enjoy the children's Christmas show and the choir's cantata at church.

Tradition and rituals are important to me. This will be my first Christmas making some new ones.

Can You Bench Press Your Car?

The only reality show I watch is "Dancing with the Stars." My parents tried to get me to watch "Survivor" the other night but I pulled myself up to my full height of 5',3 1/2" and said, "I don't want to and you can't make me." (This spine of steel crap only goes so far when they're bailing you out but they let it slide.)

I got to watch the semi-finals and the grand finale of "Dancing with the Stars" with my father. Here are a few areas where the generation gap comes into play:

He thinks Samantha Harris (the co-host) has arms that are too muscular. He makes running comments about not wanting to face her in a fight or how she must go out every morning and bench press her car. I think her arms are amazing. She has muscle definition and no underarm flapping. I know you're not supposed to covet things but secretly I covet her arms.

He thinks her voice is too deep and sounds like a man. He does a mean impression of her which sends me into a fit of giggles. I think her voice is sultry in a Lauren Bacall kind of way.

Too bad the show is over for now. My dad and I will have to find someone else to critique and/or admire.