Making and Living the Vows

I have a few friends that are going through bumps in the road. Any time a girlfriend starts referring to her husband as "Satan," I think this girl needs a girl trip, or at least, a night out.

Although those people who get married in mid-air or under water get all the attention, most of us choose the traditional route. Lots of people write their own vows but most of us stick with the traditional ones:

I, (name) take you, (name) to be my (wife/husband.) To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Lovely words and they should be a solemn promise. I've broken it and that is something I'm not proud of.

Sometimes the pageantry gets in the way from seeing the big picture. Here's where living the vows kicks in:

To have and to hold from this day forward.
Some days you will not want to have him or hold him. He won't be very fond of you either. All brides should know that "to hold" doesn't necessarily mean the man you married -- sometimes it's just holding on to the promise.

For better or for worse.
Yes, you will have both. If you get through them, you will find your strength in these times. They can also break you.

For richer, for poorer.
I've never understood women who marry for money. One business bankruptcy, one stock market crash, a couple of bad financial decisions, etc. and it's toast. Nobody chooses poor but it's all in the definition. I don't define "rich" by my bank balance.

In sickness and in health.
I watched the Belle and the Captain. She was an amazing caretaker and certainly took more care of him than he did of her. However, in his own way, he tried very hard. He needled her about taking her meds. He was often saying, "Sit down and rest." When they were both healthy, he was quite proud to show her off.

To love and to cherish.
The love part is easy for me. Even if I am angry, my love does not falter but I don't show it very well. Cherish is a word I associate with children. Some versions of the vows replace this with "to honor and obey." I'm not talented at that "obey" thing. I'm working on cherish and honor. Obey is never going to happen. (At least I'm honest about it.)

Til death do us part.
It's a pretty clear statement. Just another example of something it took me a while to understand. Now I understand that if something goes south with this marriage, it doesn't have to be a physical death -- it would be a death of my heart.

For a reasonably smart person, I'm good at stupidity.

The word that does not show up in the traditional vows is "forgiveness."