I've never been an abused child. As I've told you, my childhood was pretty idyllic. We had our struggles and our arguments but I never felt threatened or abused. Is this no longer the norm?
I've never been physically abused as an adult but I've had some pretty mean things said to me. The experts say verbal abuse is more common and more damaging than physical abuse. This is a weird analogy but in my mind, it's kind of like rape. It's not about the act or the words, it's exerting power over another person. I've never felt threatened and I've never felt powerless. If words are the weapon, I'll sling back.
The Belle could make a snarly face and the occasional jab would come out of her mouth. But, she lived her life treating her husband, children, grandchildren and friends with respect. A raised voice or a "gotcha" comment was not her aspiration. Even in their tired and scary moments, the Captain treated her with respect.
She earned it.
I watch the news and I read multiple papers. Some of the stories turn my stomach. Abused children, abandoned and neglected children, women who live their lives in fear of their partners, women who leave only to be stalked and killed.
I often joke about the husband thinking he's the boss of me. Like all good jokes, there's a grain of truth there. But. I do not ever fear for my safety. I have never worried about him hurting one of the children. I'm pretty sure his latest fantasy is to take a harsher line with the maniac dog. That's probably a worthy goal and he would not harm her.
Power over another person has never been my goal. I have a hard enough time controlling me.
Abuse is pervasive. I'm convinced it gets embedded in your mind and possibly your DNA. When someone breaks the cycle, I'm impressed. When someone chooses a different path, it takes courage and will power. I know a few people who have done this and I admire them.
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I think that we hear more about abuse today because of the media, and that people do not fear the shame that goes with abuse as much today. Long ago, it was "shameful", you'd rather take it than humiliate the family. There were skeltons in many closets. Today, we are better educated. We know that it can not be tolerated. That the abuser needs help as well as the abused. Today, we believe to stand up, and protect those in need. No longer is it tolerated to sweep under the rug. Also, today, people are more educted understanding that they are not alone, or a freak, that they did not cause this to happen to themselves. That they deserve better.
You were blessed not to have had abuse in your household.
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