Spontaneous Combustion

Before I tell you this story, I must state very clearly that there was no alcohol involved.

I attended a party last night. The intent was a networking event for a mixed group of women. Different backgrounds, different ages, different races. I knew our hostess and two other people.

Do you remember the Mary Tyler Moore episode where she lost it at Chuckles The Clown's funeral. This is how I behaved. I could not help myself. When I'm in that weird place, there is no "off" switch. In fact, I start to crack myself up. I am not subtle. I try to pretend it's just a little cough or something and then I end up screeching. (My mother has the same problem.) Once I go there, it's impossible to find my way back to appropriate behavior.

We went around the room to introduce ourselves -- this took hours! I am used to corporate meetings. You make it relevant to the situation. You don't introduce yourself by going through your entire childhood, your marriages and divorces, your children and pets. Nobody cares!

Our hostess went to a lot of trouble. Her home is lovely and she had obviously put a lot of thought into her guest list. Guess she'll be rethinking that.

Here are some things that came out in the introduction session:

Women described killing a goat or a chicken.
One woman explained how energy is sold across this country.
I learned a lot more than I ever wanted to know about some of their family lives.
Several of them tried to "out poor" each other. My parents were far from wealthy but I didn't see how this was relevant.

Jan and I have been friends for decades. There's a reason we used to be separated in school. If someone was talking too long last night, she would lean over and say, "Ding!" Like "Hello, your time is up."

Then, our hostess announced we were going to move outside for two activities. One was a cheer. I am not kidding. I found this absurd but hey, I'm here and I've partaken of the food and soft drinks. I'll go with the flow. Plus, I was kind of excited to go outside. I did a cheer and had a cigarette. Yep, I'm a multi-tasker.

The second activity was to go around the circle and tell the group something that brings us joy. Jan and I both looked at each other and said, "You!" Every one else said something boring like:

My children and grandchildren
My church and my Lord

There is nothing wrong with these answers and they are a significant part of my life also. But it kind of reminded me of beauty pageants where the standard answer is "World Peace." I wanted to say:
Friendships

Getting my nails done
Pants that fit
Napping on the dog pillow
Seeing the name "Dad" when my cell phone is ringing
Getting on a plane
Autumn leaves and Houseboy bringing me apples
Knowing someone I love has passed the bar exam

That's probably why they didn't let me talk. I would've turned into one of those women with a goat story.

Jan and I rode together. We figured we could catch up on the way there and rip people on the way home -- my favorite post-party activity.

Truthfully, I did not want to attend this event but I'm glad I did. I'm pretty sure I won't be invited back.