Guest Bartending

One of our local establishments -- one we happen to frequent often -- invited my friend Cynthia and I to pose as guest bartenders. Our husbands did it about a month ago and somehow during that evening, there was a challenge thrown out. Cynthia gave me "the look." I know that look; it means WE CAN DO THIS. Suddenly, I'm 10-years old and of course, we'll take the dare. We actually got bartender's licenses.

They call it "Celebrity Bartending." We are about as far away from being celebrities as we are likely to go camping.

Our initial instructions were to show up for training. (I'm anal; I was way early.) And, we were told to wear black. If you've ever met either one of us, black clothing is not a problem. We're both prepared to go to a funeral at a moment's notice or move to New York where our wardrobes would fit right in.

Some people went out of their way to rearrange their schedules. How kind is that?

When someone complimented our hair, I could say, "The person who does both of our hair is right over there." When someone commented on friendships, I pointed across the bar and said, "I have known that girl and her mother since I was 4 or 5-years old."

Even though we were "pretend" bartenders, we worked. I think we worked pretty hard. We pulled in a good crowd and we managed to avoid spilling a drink on anyone. Lest anyone think we were just fooling around -- let me set the record straight. We tracked you as you moved around the bar. We schlepped empty glasses and made drinks. I can't speak for Cynthia but when you're in my home, you know where the drinks are -- make it yourself. We tried to master the computer system but I didn't do that very well. Cynthia was on top of it. Some of the liquor is on a high shelf -- I stretched myself like Gumby to reach it.

We were told to turn off our cell phones. Why don't you suggest that we cut off our right arm? We went through little tests on the "proper pour." We learned where most beers, wines, liquors were easily accessible. We learned to say, "I'm behind you," as we made our circuit.

Rob McGuire and Scott Brady (our two heroes) make it look easy. It's not. People and drink orders come in waves. It's insane. Someone is always shouting your name. Meanwhile, you're trying to remember to enter the correct info on the computer system, track the people who move around and make the two drinks someone just ordered.

Here's the reward. The American Heart Association received a nice donation. Lots of friends (some I see every day and some I haven't seen in ages) showed up in support -- maybe they just wanted us to serve them.) At 7:45, we started counting down to the time when we could be a customer again. When we got to 5 minutes, I almost did the happy dance.

After our shift, we each had a glass of wine and settled with some friends to have dinner. What a relief!

As I finally relaxed, the husband said, "Are the oldies coming?" He was kidding.

I have always been a fair and gracious tipper. After this experience, I may just throw my wallet on the table. They've earned it.