Looking at Both Sides

I'm not a dark or depressing person. I wouldn't say I'm chipper but if I have a choice, I'll choose laughter over tears. But I seem to be drawn to artists with a dark side.

Today is a Joni Mitchell day. She's dark, mysterious, slightly weird and definitely haunting. I've put "Both Sides Now" on constant repeat on my iPod today. It's gloomy but it matches my mood. (And yet, surprisingly upbeat!)

I've sent two smart young people off into the world. I've shed lots of tears. But they were headed to bigger and better things. This is different.

Hangdog will be taken to the Home today. I have a Sharpie clipped to my shirt and I'm writing his name in everything, pretending he's going to oldie's camp. It's just like when I take the dog to the kennel and I tell her she's going to puppy camp. The exception is I do go and retrieve her. The difference is she doesn't know or care. The other difference is his stiff upper lip. I admire it and I also want to curl into a ball.

Many of you are dealing with some version of this situation. From the musical genius of Joni Mitchell, I share these thoughts:

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away.

Or ...

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads; they say I've changed
Well, something's lost but something's gained
In living every day.

Or ...

I've looked at life from both sides now
I really don't know life at all.

The beginning of the song is an obsession with clouds and how she doesn't know clouds at all. I've chosen to move beyond this weirdness because the rest of the song is poignant and heart wrenching.