Determination

Determination is an admirable quality. Most people who achieve their goals do so through hard work and a lot of determination. I am surrounded by a lot of people who use determination to do great things for their families, their companies and their lives in general.

With some people, determination crosses the line to selfishness. I'm not sure how to define it but I know it when I see it. I saw it last night and I'm living it this morning.

That wacky husband of mine thought we might steal a couple of hours together last night. (You know what they say about the best laid plans?)

We stopped for gas and I ran in the convenience store. My cell phone rang. Yep, it's Hangdog. He's obsessed with the husband scheduling the eye surgery. So, I ran outside to hand my phone to the man in charge.

On the way to dinner, my cell phone rang again. (At this point, I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.) But we soldiered on. We tried to have a quiet dinner and a conversation but at some point it became pointless. Even if you don't answer the phone, you hear it or feel it vibrate and it's distracting.

I know you're thinking, "Why didn't she just turn it off?" I don't know. Mostly I worry about someone at the Home needing to reach me. When the Belle died, we learned of it through a call to my cell phone. I didn't know when the baby was headed home for his break and what if he needed to reach me? T have two clients that often call after their office hours and I needed some answers for projects I am pursuing so turning it off just didn't seem like an option.

We came home and eventually found slumber. Oh no! Now the home phone is ringing. For once I was sleeping so soundly that I didn't hear it. But I felt the husband kicking me and saying, "Get the phone."

Trying to shake the cobwebs from my brain, here's what I remember of the conversation at 1:00AM:

I cannot stay here.
They're trying to kill me.
Please come immediately.
I think I'm going crazy.
They won't give me my medications.
That woman is going to murder me.

Think I went back to sleep? That determined soul called twice more but I did not answer. I'm sure God will have some questions for me about that decision.

At 5:45 this morning, our phone rang again. We were up. I read the caller ID and shoved the phone toward the husband. It wasn't Hangdog; it was one of the nurses.

Hangdog fell and insists on being taken to the hospital for an x-ray. He's certain he's broken a hip. He's the man who cries "Wolf" so we're pretty sure this is an elaborate plan to make things go his way. I want to scream, "This is a plot!"

Determination may be a stellar quality but when it crosses the line, it's selfish and annoying.